


We're All Faceless Here

by mehhchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anonymity, Chatlogs, Comedy, Fluff, Jealousy, Language, M/M, Online Friendship, Online Romance, Pining, Slow Build, Trust Issues, i'm serious there's a lot of cursing in this, much more than there needs to be, very brief Castiel/Alfie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 23:39:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1406935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehhchester/pseuds/mehhchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heaven and Hell's chatroom is a small group for those in Lawrence who want to interact with people without ever actually having to meet them. It's the perfect setup for those that frequent the chat, until user thursdayschild enters and makes some start to question if being anonymous is the best option after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vegans and Leather

**Author's Note:**

> This is just chapter one, so it does start off a little slow. Don't worry, the next chapters I have lined up are way better and way funnier.

**Heaven and Hell’s Chat Room**

_This chatroom is for everyone in the Lawrence, Kansas area who wants to get to know their neighbors without names getting in the way. 18+ only!_

 

_ Mon, Sept. 1, 5:45 PM _

**_thursdayschild_** _has now joined the chat_

 ** _pieandpage_** _has now joined_ _the chat_

[5:45] **pieandpage** : well hey there thursdayschild

[5:46] **thursdayschild:** Hello to you as well, pieandpage.

[5:46] **pieandpage:** so whatre you up to?

[5:47] **thursdayschild:** Currently, I’m relaxing after a stressful day at work  with a nice mug of tea, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and the internet. Yourself?

[5:48] **pieandpage:** wow ok. yeah, not a big tea drinker here but if that’s your thing…

[5:48] **pieandpage:** what do you for work?

[5:50] **thursdayschild:** I’m a daycare teacher. I love children but they can be… stressful.

[5:51] **pieandpage:** props to you, i couldn’t handle dealing w/ little rugrats all day long.

[5:54] **thursdayschild:** Well thank you. It’s a rewarding career choice in it’s own way. What do you do?

[5:54] **pieandpage:** ah im just a mechanic. nothing special haha

[5:55] **thursdayschild:** :/ I think being a mechanic is a more than worthy job choice. You should be proud.

[5:58]  **pieandpage:** no need to go dr. phil on me. i like what i do. plus, i have plenty of room to work on my baby

[5:58] **thursdayschild:** You bring your child to a garage?

[5:59]  **pieandpage:** what? no. i mean my car. it’s a 1967 chevy impala. most beautiful car around

[6:01] **thursdaychild:** Oh, I don’t know much about cars. I drive a 2003 Ford Focus. It runs well enough.

[6:01]  **pieandpage:** ….you poor misguided soul.

[6:08] **thursdayschild:** You’ll have to educate me sometime about cars then. Some other time though as my brother has just arrived for an impromptu dinner :|

[6:08]  **pieandpage:** haha maybe i will. have fun man

[6:10] **thursdayschild:** I won’t.

 **t _hursdayschild_** _has left the chat_

  
_Mon, Sept. 1, 9:21 PM_

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[9:22]  **pieandpage:** oh hey you’re back!

[9:22] **thursdayschild:** I am. Were you waiting?

[9:24]  **pieandpage:** that would be kinda creepy. nah, i just left open the chat in case anyone else showed up and forgot about it. it’s kinda empty in here today

[9:25] **thursdayschild:** I see. Do you frequent this group often then?

[9:25]  **pieandpage:** yeah i guess you could call me a regular.

[9:25]  **pieandpage:** i’m bad w/ making friends in real life haha

[9:28] **thursdayschild:** I, too, have that problem. My brother would tease me endlessly if he knew I was using the internet in replacement for actual social interactions though.

[9:29]  **pieandpage:** i have a little brother, he messed with me about it for a while until he gave it a try one day. now he does it more than i do. there’s this girl on here he’s obsessed w/

[9:33] **thursdayschild:** I could see the appeal of an online relationship. A lot less pressure for sure.

 **_hellinleather_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[9:34] **hellinleather:** well hello pie. and oh lookie, a new person!

[9:35]  **pieandpage:** lay off leather, he doesn’t need your virtual mitts all over him

[9:37] **thursdayschild:** Hello hellinleather. I take it you two know each other?

[9:38] **hellinleather:** only through the pleasure of the great world wide web. pie, have you already staked your claim on him?

[9:38] **hellinleather:** i would’ve thought you would have learned your lesson after last time.

[9:39] **thursdayschild:** Last time?

[9:43]  **pieandpage:** don’t bring that shit up leather. don’t worry about it thursday.

[9:44] **hellinleather:** just figured i should make sure the newbie is fair game

[9:47]  **thursdayschild:** Fair game for what?

[9:47] **hellinleather:** anything ;)

[9:48]  **pieandpage:** gross. if you’re gonna flirt w/ him in your own disgusting way, pm him. nobody wants to see that

[9:51] **thursdayschild:** Uh, I think I’m quite alright, thank you.

[9:52] **hellinleather:** you’ll come around eventually.

 **mooseantlers** _has now joined the chat_

[9:52] **hellinleather:** oh goodie now we have a set. idiot #1 and idiot #2!

[9:54] **mooseantlers:** hello to you too leather. pie, do you mind if i come over and raid your fridge? i didn’t have time to eat today, i have no food, and i’m not getting take out again this week.

[9:57] **thursdayschild:** Hello, moose. I take it you and pie know each other personally?

[9:58] **mooseantlers:** hey new guy. yeah, we’re brothers. i personally think the hospital swapped me out at birth

[10:01] pieandpage **:** hardy har bitch. yea you can come over but we’re not having any of that salad shit.

[10:04] **mooseantlers:** you mean healthy food? don’t worry, i know you’re allergic.

[10:05] **thursdayschild:** What’s wrong with salad?

[10:05] **pieandpage:** everything

[10:07] **mooseantlers:** nothing at all, he’s just a stubborn bastard who likes to prove his manliness through red meat and beer

[10:07] **pieandpage:** we cant all be size two patene models like you

[10:15] **thursdayschild:** Oh. I’m a vegan.

[10:18] **pieandpage:** ….dude. we cant be friends anymore

[10:19] **hellinleather:** not everyone is a all-american, no homo, manly man like you pie. and i’m sure i could convince him to try some kind of meat ;)

[10:21] **mooseantlers:** don’t listen to him thursday, i think being a vegan is very noble. also, leather i think you were trying to be sexy but that was gross and oddly cannibalistic.

[10:22] **hellinleather:** eh. we all have our kinks.

[10:25] **pieandpage:** can we get back to the fact that this guy doesnt eat meat?!

[10:26] **thursdayschild:** Or any animal produced products, such as milk, cheese, eggs, etc.

[10:26] **pieandpage:** ...how are you alive.

[10:30] **thursdayschild:** Veganism is actually a very sustainable lifestyle choice. I see the world as a place we share with everyone, animals included. Did you know they test lipstick on monkeys? How important is lipstick to you, pie?

[10:30] **pieandpage:** uh. not very?

[10:32] **mooseantlers:** well, there was that one time….

[10:32] **pieandpage:** you shut your pie hole.

[10:33] **thursdayschild:** I’m very interested in this story :)

[10:35] **mooseantlers:** another time thursday ;) i’ll be over soon pie

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has left the chat_

[10:38] **thursdayschild:** I like your brother, he’s very funny.

[10:39] **pieandpage:** yeah a real goddamn comedian. i better go actually cook then. talk to you later thursday?

[10:39] **hellinleather:** no goodbye for me sweetcheeks?

[10:40] **pieandpage:** no.

[10:42] **thursdayschild:** Yes, I would like that very much. I am glad I have met so many nice people already.

[10:42] **hellinleather:** awww, you’re getting parts of me all moist and dewy

[10:45] **pieandpage:** once more, fucking gross. bye thursday

 **_pieandpage_ ** _has left the chat_

[10:46] **hellinleather:** well. now that it’s just us…

[10:50] **thursdayschild:** I really should go too, I have work tomorrow. It’s been nice talking to you!

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[10:50] **hellinleather:** damn it.


	2. Dr. Sexy and Pondering Dots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly longer but introduces three new characters. I don't know if I'll have a posting schedule for this, but I do love writing it so you can expect it to be often

_ Tuesday, Sept. 2, 6:03 PM _

Current Users: **thursdayschild**

 

 **_Calismurfette_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[6:04] **thursdayschild** : Hello calismurfette.

[6:05] **calismurfette:** hello! you’re new :)

[6:08] **thursdayschild:** I am. I stumbled upon this group yesterday. People have been very welcoming so far.

[6:09] **calismurfette:** there’s not a lot of us that frequent the chat on a regular basis so we’re all kind of tight knit in a weird way.

[6:09] **calismurffete:** who have you talked to so far?

[6:10] **thursdayschild:** pie and moose. And leather, though she was a bit… forward.

[6:12] **calismurfette:** oh! yeah, those guys are really cool. i talk to moose all the time actually. and leather is always like that, ignore her.

[6:15] **thursdayschild:** Moose is quite funny.

[6:16] **calismurfette:** super smart too. it can be intimidating to have a convo with him on something that he’s passionate about. but in a good way :)

[6:17] **thursdayschild:** You seem fond of him.

[6:20] **calismurfette:** i mean. he’s a cool guy, is all.

[6:21] **thursdayschild:** I see.

[6:21] **calismurfette:** so what about you? what’s your deal? :)

[6:25] **thursdayschild:** My deal?

[6:26] **calismurfette:** yeah! like, what do you do for work? or are you still in school?

[6:28] **thursdayschild:** Oh, I see. I work at a daycare center. I'm currently pursuing a degree in Education.

[6:29] **calismurfette:** awwww! so you get to work with little kids all day? that sounds awesome.

[6:32] **thursdayschild:** It can be. What is your ‘deal’?

[6:34] **calismurfette:** haha i’m a student at ku. art major here :)

[6:37] **thursdayschild:** That’s very impressive! I’m afraid I’m terribly uncreative.

[6:38] **calismurfette:** everyone’s a little creative! you probably have all this creativity you don’t even know about ;)

 **mooseantlers** has now joined the chat

[6:39] **calismurfette:** moose!!! hey :)

[6:39] **mooseantlers:** hey cali! i see you’ve already met thursday

[6:40] **calismurfette:** yeah we were just talking about all his hidden talent :P

[6:43] **thursdayschild:** I assure you, if I had any creative talent it is hiding very, very well.

[6:44] **mooseantlers:** i know what you mean. im more analytical you know? pie was always the creative one in our family. guy could turn broken down cars into works of art.

[6:45] **calismurfette:** i’m sure you’re plenty creative too. i’ll link you to some coloring pages and you tell me how you do ;P

 **pieandpage** has now joined the chat

[6:47] **mooseantlers:** ha, i’d probably end up just analyzing why i was coloring a cat with a hat or something. hi pie.

[6:48] **pieandpage:** are we talking about your coloring skills? cause i tell you, its impressive how bad they are. he almost failed kindergarten because of his shitty colorings.

[6:50]   **thursdayschild:** Hello pie :). As I work in a daycare, I can assure you that we think the badly colored pictures are adorable.

[6:52] **mooseantlers:** suck it, i was adorable :)

[6:52] **calismurfette:** i’m sure you were moose :)

[6:53] **pieandpage:** well arent we all smiley today. hey thursday!

[6:56] **mooseantlers:** they’re emoticons, we’re allowed to use them.

[6:58] **pieandpage:** right.

[7:01] **calismurfette:** oh pie! did you watch last night’s dr. sexy?!?!

[7:03]   **thursdayschild:** Dr. Sexy?

[7:07] **pieandpage:** its just a show we like to watch, nbd

[7:08] **mooseantlers:** uh, like to watch? you’re obsessed with that show. you drool over dr. sexy like a middle school girl in heat.

[7:10] **calismurfette:** because dr. sexy is frackin gorgeous! i mean. cowboy boots make anyone 100000% hotter instantly.

[7:10] **calismurfette:** but did you watch it pie cause i don’t wanna spoil anything for you :/

[7:13]   **thursdayschild:** Wait, this doctor wears cowboy boots… in the hospital? Isn’t that against some sort of health code or something?

[7:16] **pieandpage:** yea, i watched it. pm me and we’ll talk about it.

[7:16] **calismurfette:** yay!

[7:18]   **thursdayschild:** I just googled it, cowboy boots are definitely against regulations.

[7:21] **mooseantlers:** thursday, don’t try to apply logic to mindless soap dramas. you’ll just get a headache, trust me

[7:22] **calismurfette:** hey, it’s not mindless  >:(

[7:25]   **thursdayschild:** What is the show even about?

[7:25] **mooseantlers:** oh gosh you have opened up a can of worms.

[7:27] **calismurfette:** pie, i’m too busy making a very long ranty pm to your brother to explain. do the honors?

[7:27] **mooseantlers:** :/

[7:29] **pieandpage:** cant you google it thursday? it’s all over the internet

[7:31]   **thursdayschild:** I could, but you seem very interested in the show and I’d like to hear an explanation from an actual fan who can give their opinion.

[7:32] **pieandpage:** eh, my opinion is no better than the countless tumblr bloggers writing about it

[7:32] **thursdayschild:** I’m interested in YOUR opinion though.

[7:35] **pieandpage:** oh. i mean. it’s a pretty cool show i guess. it can get over dramatic at times but it has an interesting plot. i mean, if youre into it that kinda thing

[7:38] **thursdayschild:** You don’t have to restrict your opinion pie. I’m sure it’s a good show if you like it. I’ll look it up on Netflix next time I have a chance.

[7:40] **calismurfette:** yeah! one of us, one of us!

[7:42] **pieandpage:** for the last time cali, were not a cult

[7:43] **calismurfette:** we could be if you werent so stubborn. queen and i are gonna rule the world one day, you wait.

[7:44] **thursdayschild:** Queen?

[7:46] **mooseantlers:** another user. she’s… eccentric.

[7:46] **calismurfette:** he means awesome

[7:47] **calismurfette:** her and pie are pretty much bffs. as much as you can be without knowing the person’s name i mean

[7:49] **pieandpage:** youll meet her eventually. she usually comes on late as fuck though because she has some super secret job.

[7:49] **calismurfette:** she’s a spy.

[7:51] **mooseantlers:** she’s not a spy. no spy has that much time for pop culture and queen is a walking trivial pursuit

[7:54] **thursdayschild:** Maybe it’s a part of her cover. It would be very ingenious.

[7:54] **calismurfette:** ha, i like you thursday

[7:56] **thursdayschild:** Thank you :) I like you as well cali.

[7:57] **pieandpage:** dont give her any ideas thursday, it only encourages her

[7:58] **thursdayschild:** I like encouraging people though.

[7:59] **calismurfette:** *sending smug looks all around*

 **_101knives_ ** _has now joined the chat_

 **_drbadass_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[8:02] **101knvies** : prepare for trouble!

[8:02] **drbadass:** make it double!

[8:02] **pieandpage:** no.

[8:03] **101knives:** knives!

[8:03] **drbadass:** badass!

[8:03] **101knives:** team cocket, blasting off at the speed of high quality porn!

[8:04] **mooseantlers:** aaaannndddd here are some of the weirder people thursday

[8:04] **101knvies:** there’s a new guy?? hell ya! welcome

[8:05] **drbadass:** hope u like sex jokes  & drunk messages cause i bring both 2 the party

[8:07] **thursdayschild:** I suppose I have no big aversion to either…

[8:07] **pieandpage:** welcome our resident dynamic dumbasses.

[8:08] **101knvies:** you love us, shut up

[8:08] **drbadass:** if i could get u all virtually drunk i so would

[8:10] **pieandpage:** i think youre drunk enough for all of us

[8:11] **calismurfette:** the whole gang is almost here now! all we’re missing is queen, bayou, red, fizzles, and… i guess leather and suit.  
[8:12] **101knvies:** thank you for the state of affairs secretary. now go fetch me my coffee and wear that skirt i like ;)

[8:14] **calismurfette:** -__-

[8:16] **thursdayschild:** There are a lot more people that frequent this chat than I originally thought.

[8:17] **pieandpage:** were rarely all online at the same time unless we plan it. but yeah, theres a couple of us. youll meet em eventually. except for carver, the creator of this thing.

[8:19] **calismurfette:** oh yeah, forgot about him. he’s never on here. the only people that have ever talked him are moose and pie.

[8:20] **mooseantlers:** he’s pretty weird, you’re not missing out.

[8:24] **calismurfette:** shoot guys, i gotta go! my sister needs me to babysit and i’m already running late.

[8:24] **calismurfette:** pie, i fully expect us to talk dr. sexy later! and moose, i’ll probably talk to you later too :)

[8:25] **calismurfette:** i mean. i’ll talk to all of you too! ok i’m gonna go. bye guys!

 **_calismurfette_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:26] **101knvies:** you 2 are positively sickening moose

[8:28] **mooseantlers:** what???

[8:29] **101knvies:** ‘hehe i’ll talk to you later moose ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)’

[8:29] **drbadass:** ‘ya so we can do the text equivalent of dry humping. im so excited’

[8:31] **mooseantlers:** screw you guys. cali and I are just good friends.

[8:32] **101knvies:** and im the queen of england

[8:34] **thursdayschild:** Well. You technically could be. I mean, this is anonymous.

[8:34] **thursdayschild:** Oh dear. I’ll be right back, I think I burned my dinner...

[8:36] **101knvies:** trust me, my boobs are way better than hers

[8:36] **drbadass:** pics or ur boobs r saggy

[8:37] **pieandpage:** how about we all not act like a bunch of middle schoolers, yeah?

[8:39] **101knvies:** since when are you the parental? that’s usually moose’s job.

[8:41] **pieandpage:** i just don’t want us all to look stupid. we just got a new guy, let’s not make him think we’re crazy.

[8:43] **101knvies:** ...i see

[8:43] **drbadass:** those r her pondering dots

[8:46] **pieandpage:** well she can keep her pondering dots to herself.

[8:46] **pieandpage:** it’s been a long day. i’m gonna head out guys. bye.

 **_pieandpage_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:50] **mooseantlers:** crap. he sounded upset. i’m going to go see what’s bugging him. talk to you guys tomorrow!

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:51] **drbadass:** well damn knives i think we ruined the party

[8:52] **101knvies:** team cocket blasting off again!

 **_101knvies_ ** _has left the chat_

 **_drbadass_ ** _has left the chat_

[9:00] **thursdayschild:** I’m back! Dinner was thankfully only mildly scorched.

[9:00] **thursdayschild:** Oh.

[9:00] **thursdayschild:** Nevermind then.

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_


	3. History and Hippies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of characters that I need to introduce, so the first seven of so chapters will span over a week so I can intro everyone. Then they'll be more Dean/Cas, I promise.
> 
> Oh, I also updated the character list with everyone who's appeared in the story so far ;)

_ Wednesday, Sept. 3, 9:13 PM _

Current Users:

**calismurfette**

**mooseantlers**

[9:13] **mooseantlers** : i don’t know what’s wrong with him. i mean, he’s talking to me but it’s his forced angry ‘no chick flick moments’ kind of talking

[9:13] **calismurfette:** :(

[9:14] **calismurfette:** maybe he just needs some space? he may just be having a shitty week at work or something…

[9:14] **mooseantlers:** i guess :/ i’m just worried about him

[9:15] **calismurfette:** that’s really sweet of you. he’s lucky to have such a concerned brother

 **_queenofmoondor_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[9:15] **queenofmoondor:** sup bitches?

[9:16] **calismurfette:** queen!

[9:16] **mooseantlers:** hey queen.

[9:18] **calismurfette:** moose is having some minor problems with pie

[9:19] **queenofmoondor:** problems? like he’s just upset or has he decided that the fourth indiana jones movie was great?

[9:19] **mooseantlers:** dear god no.

[9:19] **mooseantlers:** he’s just being a testy lately

[9:21] **queenofmoondor:** did something happen?

[9:24] **mooseantlers:** nothing unusual? i mean, knives was messing with him and he got kinda pissy but i don’t know why that would bother him…

[9:24] **calismurfette:** knives messes with him all the time

[9:25] **queenofmoondor:** what did she say?? *puts on psychiatrist glasses*

[9:28] **mooseantlers:** there’s a new guy and him and pie having been getting along pretty well. knives was just insinuating pie liked him i guess and he got mad and left the chat

[9:28] **mooseantlers:** she does that shit all the time though

[9:30] **queenofmoondor:** i swear that girl is a bigger shipper than i am

[9:30] **queenofmoondor:** i think i know why he’s in a rank mood though. the last person he got really close to on here….

[9:30] **mooseantlers:** shit.

[9:31] **calismurfette:** wait what?

[9:32] **mooseantlers:** it’s a long story. happened before you joined.

[9:32] **calismurfette:** ...was it bad??

[9:32] **queenofmoondor:** pretty much yeah

[9:37] **mooseantlers:** there was this girl, bendyone. pie got really close to her, like to the point where they exchanged numbers and texted pretty much 24/7. and then pie decided to meet up with her because they were both into it. said she was this really beautiful yoga instructor, so of course pie was on board.

[9:40] **mooseantlers:**  anyway, they meet up and…. she was really this 48 y/o guy named alistair who… well he wasn’t a nice guy, let’s just say that. i mean, no one got hurt or anything but pie was really messed up for a long time over that.

[9:42] **queenofmoondor** : yea. i joined in the middle of the whole thing. after he found out… he was fucked up.  i mean i’m close with the guy but i barely know him at the same time. he’s super private now

[9:43] **calismurfette:** omfg. that’s horrible.

[9:43] **mooseantlers:** we don’t talk about it around him though, okay?

[9:45] **calismurfette:** of course not! wow. i could see why he would get upset at people even talking about him getting that close to someone again

[9:45] **calismurfette:** knives probably didn’t mean to upset him though

[9:46] **mooseantlers:** i know. she has a habit of not thinking about the things she says and then apologizing later.

[9:47] **queenofmoondor:** it doesn’t matter now. moose, you should go talk to pie. at the very least get him on here

[9:47] **mooseantlers:** on it

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has left the chat_

_**thursdayschild** has now joined the chat_

[9:51] **thursdayschild:** Hello everyone.

[9:53] **queenofmoondor** : so you must be the new guy

[9:54] **thursdayschild** : And you must be queen. I heard good things about you.

[9:54] **thursdayschild** : Apparently, you are a spy.

[9:55] **queenofmoondor** : wait whaaaatttt?

[9:57] **calismurfette** : we may have told him about your late night, super secret job and implied that you might be a spy.

[9:58] **thursdayschild:** I believe it was just you implying that, cali.

[9:58] **calismurfette:** >.< thanks thursday

[9:59] **queenofmoondor:** -_- i’m not a spy. i’m in i.t. for a large company and they’re useless w/o me. hence staying to ass o’clock

[10:00] **calismurfette:** you should tell people you’re a spy instead.

[10:02 **] queenofmoondor:** my job is badass, thankyouverymuch

[10:04] **thursdayschild:** Working with computers is a perfectly acceptable career choice that requires a high level of intelligence. You’re just as cool as a spy.

[10:04] **queenofmoondor:** i like this guy

[10:04] **queenofmoondor:** wait

[10:05] **queenofmoondor:** kirk or picard?

[10:05] **thursdayschild:** I’m sorry?

[10:07] **queenofmoondor:** ...captain kirk or captain picard? star trek?

[10:08] **thursdayschild:** Oh. I’ve never actually seen the series.

[10:11] **queenofmoondor:** …….!!!!

[10:12] **calismurfette:** i think you made queen’s head explode

[10:15] **queenofmoondor:** how. how have you never seen one episode. that should be a crime. that’s like never reading harry potter.

[10:17] **thursdayschild:** I’ve only actually read the first one, and that was to a group of children during a volunteer session at the library.

[10:18] **queenofmoondor:** no. no. what. i think my brain just blue screened

[10:21] **queenofmoondor:** homework, new guy. you need to read chamber of secrets asap and report back in. that’s a life requirement.

[10:21] **calismurfette:** she’s a proud geek

[10:22] **queenofmoondor:** out and proud, in every sense of the phrase

[10:23] **thursdayschild:** I’ll do my best to find time to read it. I never realized that it was so widely received over different age groups.

[10:25] **queenofmoondor:** jk is no tolkien but it’s still a damn good series

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has now joined the chat_

 **_pieandpage_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[10:29] **queenofmoondor:** there’s my favorite dick!

[10:30] **pieandpage:** i didnt realize you had a favorite of those

[10:31] **queenofmoondor:** i’ll make an exception

[10:33] **thursdayschild:** Hello moose, pie :)

[10:33] **pieandpage:** hi thursday

[10:33] **mooseantlers:** hey thursday!  

[10:34] **calismurfette:** how are you pie?

[10:34] **pieandpage:** ‘m cool

[10:36] **queenofmoondor:** pie. thursday has never read harry potter OR seen star trek

[10:36] **pieandpage:** ...dude.

[10:36] **queenofmoondor:** IKR?!?

[10:38] **thursdayschild:** I grew up in a very… religious household. Non-religious media was forbidden.

[10:40] **queenofmoondor:** ….so you were in a cult?

[10:42] **thursdayschild:** Not a cult, per se, but much of the same brainwashing.

[10:42] **pieandpage:** that sucks man

[10:45] **thursdayschild:** I’ve been out for a while, so I’m past it. But thank you for your sympathies :)

[10:48] **calismurfette:** my parents were hippies, so i probably saw way too much as a kid *shudder*

[10:48] **mooseantlers:** hippies?

[10:49] **calismurfette:** full blown 70’s peace loving weed smoking hippies

[10:49] **calismurfette:** i saw my own birth at 5 to teach me the beauty of birth and life. i’m pretty sure they had orgies. on the plus side, they let me drink whenever i wanted as long as i was safe.

[10:51] **mooseantlers:** wow.

[10:51] **mooseantlers:** our dad was the exact opposite. he was a marine and treated us like little mini soldiers.

[10:52] **pieandpage:** eh, he did his best

[10:52] **pieandpage:** most of the time

[10:54] **mooseantlers:** ...if you say so

[10:56] **queenofmoondor:** my parents are dead.

[10:57] **pieandpage:** well shit queen. you know how to liven up the party

[10:57] **queenofmoondor:** what? it’s true

[10:58] **thursdayschild:** I’m sorry for your loss.

[10:58] **calismurfette:** yeah queen :(

[11:00] **queenofmoondor:** dudes it’s fine. i wouldn’t have brought it up if it was some deep repressed secret

[11:01] **queenofmoondor:** i was adopted when i was like 15 anyhow. so it’s all good

[11:03] **thursdayschild:** That reminds me. If everyone doesn’t mind me asking, how old is everyone? I’m 24

[11:04] **calismurfette:** 19

[11:04] **mooseantlers:** same, 19 :)

[11:04] **queenofmoondor:** 21

[11:05] **pieandpage:** 23.

[11:07] **calismurfette:** I think the oldest person so far is bayou. he’s like 30, right?

[11:08] **mooseantlers:** yeah, i think. i know he’s old.

[11:10] **queenofmoondor:** why you don’t like him, i will never get

[11:12] **mooseantlers:** he’s too laid back. no one is that easy going constantly. it’s weird.

[11:13] **calismurfette:** someone sounds bitter :P

[11:13] **mooseantlers:** i’m not bitter! you gotta admit, it’s odd

[11:14] **pieandpage:** if you say so

 **_101knvies_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[11:19] **101knvies:** heeeyyyyyyy

[11:23] **pieandpage:** ...hey knives

[11:23] **101knvies:** aw shit i got the dots. what did i do?

[11:25] **queenofmoondor:** knives, i pmed you

[11:26] **thursdayschild:** Are dots bad?

[11:27] **mooseantlers:** not all of the time. depends on context.

[11:27] **thursdayschild:** Ah. I see.

[11:29] **calismurfette:** it’s okay thursday. you can usually tell when it’s bad dots :)

[11:32] **101knvies:** goddamnit. i’m an idiot. im sorry pie. look, pm so i can grovel

[11:33] **thursdayschild:** I feel as though I have missed something.

[11:35] **pieandpage:** dont worry about it. knives, will do

[11:36] **queenofmoondor:** so where’s badass? you rarely come on without him

[11:37] **101knvies:** passed out on my pool table. he’s way too high to function currently

[11:39] **mooseantlers:** well alright then

[11:40] **101knvies:** don’t worry, i’m pretty sure he’ll wake up eventually

[11:41] **calismurfette:** ...pretty sure?

[11:42] **101knvies:** i mean. he’s done it every other time, so i’m 99% sure

[11:44] **queenofmoondor:** well tell him we have a raid tomorrow so he better get his ass in gear

[11:44] **thursdayschild:** A raid?

[11:46] **101knvies:** yeah, he and queen have some online game they play together. idk, i never see him when he’s playing it

[11:47] **101knvies:** don’t worry queen, i’ll flush his stash if i have to

[11:47] **queenofmoondor:** extreme. i like it.

[11:48] **101knvies:** anything for you queen ;)

[11:50] **calismurfette:** you two *rolls eyes*

[11:50] **calismurfette:** crap, i have a 8 am class tomorrow. g2g guys! night :)

 **_calismurfette_ ** _has left the chat_

[11:51] **mooseantlers:** ugh, i do too. alright, i’m calling it a wrap too. talk to you guys tomorrow.

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has left the chat_

[11:53] **queenofmoondor:** i’m so glad i don’t go into work until noon

[11:54] **101knvies:** i work for my mom so i can roll in whenever. ha

[11:56] **thursdayschild:** I do not have work at all tomorrow. The children are taking a field trip to the zoo and had enough volunteers that I was not needed.

[11:56] **queenofmoondor:** lucky bastard

[11:57] **thursdayschild:** What about you pie, do you have work tomorrow?

[11:57] **pieandpage:** me? yeah, but im used to late nights so its no big deal

[11:59] **thursdayschild:** :/ You should still try to aim for an adequate night’s sleep when possible.

[12:00] **pieandpage:** dude dont worry about it. i couldnt sleep even if i wanted to right now

[12:02] **queenofmoondor:** pie here is our resident night owl

[12:04] **thursdayschild:** Well. Alright.

[12:09] **101knvies:** alright kiddies, i gotta make sure badass is still breathing

[12:09] **101knvies:** wait. he just fell off the pool table

[12:14] **101knvies:** he’s fine. but now i gotta make sure he doesn’t eat all my food…

[12:14] **101knvies:** bye!

 **_101knives_ ** _has left the chat_

[12:13] **queenofmoondor:** i should go too. i have a hot date with a late night buffy marathon.

[12:13] **queenofmoondor:** mmmmm, sarah michelle gellar….

[12:14] **queenofmoondor:** see ya losers!

 **_queenofmoondor_ ** _has left the chat_

[12:15] **pieandpage:** and then there was 2

[12:16] **thursdayschild:** Yes, it seems that way.

[12:16] **thursdayschild:** Although, I do enjoy the chance to talk more with you :)

[12:19] **pieandpage:** why? im not that interesting man

[12:22] **thursdayschild:** :/ I find you interesting. I enjoy our talks, even if they have been few.

[12:27] **pieandpage:** ...you know what i am gonna hit the hay now

[12:27] **pieandpage:** see ya

 **_pieandpage_ ** _has left the chat_

[12:28] **thursdayschild** : Well. This seems to be a recurring trend.

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_


	4. Twins and Goats

_ Thursday, Sept. 4, 7:08 PM _

Current Users:

thursdayschild

mooseantlers

  


[7:08] **thursdayschild** : Anyway, it’s funnier in Enochian.

[7:08] **mooseantlers:** dude that’s probably the best way to end a joke ever.

[7:09] **thursdayschild:** I do not tell them very often, so thank you.

[7:09] **mooseantlers:** do you actually know Enochian?

[7:11] **thursdayschild:** I can read a few words, yes. My parents were Religious Historians and kept many interesting texts around the house. I was a curious child.

[7:12] **mooseantlers:** wow. do you know any other languages?

[7:13] **thursdayschild:** I am fluent in French, Spanish, and Russian, conversationally fluent in German and Italian, and I’m beginning to learn Japanese.

[7:13] **mooseantlers:** are you serious?

[7:13] **thursdayschild:** I have a love for the languages.

[7:14] **mooseantlers:** that’s… wow. impressive.

**_pieandpage_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[7:16] **pieandpage:** hi thursday

[7:16] **mooseantlers:** i’m here too

[7:17] **pieandpage:** yeah but you suck sooo….

[7:17] **thursdayschild:** Hello pie.

[7:18] **mooseantlers:** so get this, thursday is fluent in like… 5 languages.

[7:19] **thursdayschild:** I’m fluent in 3, conversationally fluent in 2, and learning 1.

[7:19] **pieandpage:** dude

[7:20] **mooseantlers:** i know right?!?

[7:20] **pieandpage:** are you secretly a super computer?  
[7:21] **thursdayschild:** I can assure you, I am not a super computer.

[7:21] **pieandpage:** i thought you said you were a daycare worker

[7:21] **thursdayschild:** I am.

[7:22] **pieandpage:** dude! if you can speak like 80 languages, the fuck are you doing teaching a bunch of brats?

[7:24] **thursdayschild:** It’s a temporary employment. I’m currently on the tail end of receiving my degree for teaching.

[7:24] **pieandpage:** ahhh nerdy professor type

[7:25] **thursdayschild:** Hardly. I want to teach younger children.

[7:25] **pieandpage:** so you wanna be a kindergarten teach?

[7:26] **thursdayschild:** Yes, exactly.  

[7:27] **mooseantlers:** pie is incapable of seeing how anyone could be good around kids because he scares them.

[7:28] **pieandpage:** kids fucking love me man. i just down have time to deal with the brats

[7:29] **mooseantlers:** so you DIDN’T make poor little adam cry then?

[7:29] **pieandpage:** dude the kid wouldn’t get out of the tool locker cage. i should have left his ass in there

[7:30] **mooseantlers:** annnnnd that’s why no one wants you around their kids

[7:31] **thursdayschild:** You two have a very interesting relationship.

[7:31] **pieandpage:** i thought you said you have a brother?

[7:32] **thursdayschild:** I do. 3 of them, actually. And a sister. We’re not exactly close.

[7:32] **pieandpage:** dude that sucks. are they all assholes or something?

[7:35] **thursdayschild:** Well, the eldest is in the military. It made him very strict, kind of scary to be around honestly. Another brother is in jail for… a lot of things. My remaining brother and sister live nearby, but they don’t exactly have time to hang out with me.

[7:36] **mooseantlers:** aw man. i’m sorry. so you’re the youngest then?

[7:36] **thursdayschild:** I am a twin, but technically I’m the younger twin, so yes.

[7:37] **pieandpage:** youre a twin?! does your brother look exactly like you? do you guys have like freaky mind connection powers???

[7:38] **thursdayschild:** My twin is my sister, and we look nothing alike. Fraternal twins, I’m afraid. And no, no ‘freaky mind connection powers’.

[7:38] **pieandpage:** damn

**_redheadedwonder_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[7:39] **redheadedwonder:** heyo!

[7:39] **pieandpage:** hey red! long time, no see

[7:40] **thursdayschild:** Hello as well.

[7:40] **mooseantlers:** red!!

[7:42] **redheadedwonder:** yeah I was traveling around the country for a bit, no wifi :/ but i’m back now!

[7:42] **redheadedwonder:** and we have a new guy! hey there :)

[7:43] **thursdayschild:** Nice to meet you :)

[7:44] **mooseantlers:** thursday here was just telling us about his twin sister and how awesome he is at languages

[7:44] **pieandpage:** it’s like he’s a wonder twin w/o the ugly suit and weird rings

[7:45] **mooseantlers:** didn’t the wonder twins just change into stuff?

[7:45] **pieandpage:** shhhhhhhh

[7:46] **redheadedwonder:** that’s so cool! i’m a twin too!

[7:47] **pieandpage:** red. why has this never come up before. are you like the double mint twins? do you go around in hot matching outfits?

[7:49] **redheadedwonder:** -_- my twin is a boy and I’m now scarred for life imaging him in a white tennis skirt

[7:49] **redheadedwonder:** he’s like a mega genius too, we’re nothing alike

[7:49] **pieandpage:** damn

[7:50] **mooseantlers:** he’s been disappointed a lot today.

[7:51] **thursdayschild:** Your fascination with twins is interesting.

[7:52] **pieandpage:** the media made them like the ultimate fantasy. imagine one hot person you wanna bang and then double it, it’s fucking great

[7:54] **redheadedwonder:** sorry to disappoint you, but being a twin is more or less just having an automatic best friend. My brother and I used to play this game where we’d pretend to be angels and ‘smite’ all the people we didn’t like, i.e. our older brothers

[7:54] **redheadedwonder:** mom made us stop after I started throwing ‘holy’ water on them. it was fun though!

[7:55] **mooseantlers:** hahaha that’s great. pie always wanted to play cowboys and robbers

[7:55] **pieandpage:** hell yeah i was an amazing cowboy

[7:56] **mooseantlers:** all you did was quote john wayne and make us have shoot outs, which you then won after cheating.

[7:56] **pieandpage:** i repeat: awesome cowboy

[7:58] **thursdayschild:** That’s really odd red, my sister and I had an eerily similar experience.

[7:58] **thursdayschild:** Except she threw holy water, I stabbed them with a sword I made out of cardboard and called my ‘angel blade’.

[7:59] **thursdayschild:** It was actually a pretty violent game for two 10 year olds, now that I think about it…

[8:00] **redheadedwonder:** ...huh. do you mind if I pm you thursday?

[8:00] **thursdayschild:** Not at all.

[8:02] **pieandpage:** man i should have been a twin….

[8:02] **mooseantlers:** hell no. the world has enough with just one of you.

[8:03] **mooseantlers:** plus you’d probably end up banging them

[8:03] **pieandpage:** ew dude! that would be my brother

[8:04] **pieandpage:** now my clone on the other hand….

**_redheadedwonder_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:04] **thursdayschild:** Excuse me, but red and I will be back later.

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:05] **mooseantlers:** well that was weird.

[8:07] **pieandpage:** i feel like we missed something important but im too lazy to figure out what it was

**_calismurfette_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[8:00] **calismurfette:** hey guys!! :)

[8:00] **pieandpage:** hi cali

[8:00] **mooseantlers:** cali! i have the funniest joke to tell you. i hope you like ancient languages and goats...

  


_ Thursday, Sept. 4, 10:24 PM _

Current Users:

pieandpage

mooseantlers

calismurfette

queenofmoondor

 

[10:24] **queenofmoondor:** huh. that IS funny.

[10:24] **mooseantlers:** apparently it’s funnier in enochian

[10:25] **pieandpage:** i still don’t get it, but ok

[10:25] **pieandpage:** losers

[10:26] **calismurfette:** google it pie

[10:29] **pieandpage:** oh. ha, that is actually pretty funny

[10:30] **mooseantlers:** thursday told it to me.

[10:30] **mooseantlers:** speaking of thursday, didn’t he say he was gonna be back with red like hours ago? did we ever figure out why they ran off?

[10:32] **calismurfette:** red was here and i missed her? :(

[10:33] **mooseantlers:** yeah, it was the weirdest thing too…

**_hellinleather_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[10:34] **mooseantlers:** ugh. i’ll tell you later cali

[10:34] **hellinleather:** nice to see you too moose

[10:36] **calismurfette:** oh. hi leather

[10:37] **hellinleather:** did i break up you and moose’s little love fest? please, continue. i haven’t received my daily dose of vanilla sexual tension yet.

[10:38] **pieandpage:** lay off leather. our bitch quota for the day is already full

[10:39] **hellinleather:** ohhhh, you know i love it when you call me names ;)

[10:41] **queenofmoondor:** leather. it’s been days since we’ve seen you. can we go back to that?

[10:41] **hellinleather:** as soon as you go back to dick dear :)

[10:43] **calismurfette:** can we all just not fight?

[10:44] **hellinleather:** i wasn’t trying to start any trouble, but i’ll go sit in the time out corner and think about what i did longgggg and harrrrrrdddddd

[10:45] **queenofmoondor:** you have the talent of making everything you say sound dirty.

[10:46] **hellinleather:** what can i say, it’s a gift.

[10:48] **calismurfette:** can we go back to talking about thursday?

[10:48] **hellinleather:** ooohhhhh, he was here and i missed him?

[10:49] **pieandpage:** not with her around

[10:49] **hellinleather:** awwww, jealous?

[10:50] **pieandpage:** more like disgusted

[10:51] **calismurfette:** wait did i miss something?

[10:52] **hellinleather:** thursday’s natural innocence just makes him so… attractive to me. he’s like that quiet nerd that you just wanna corrupt. and i haven’t rped seducing a sexy librarian yet…

[10:53] **queenofmoondor:** one,ew. two… also ew. three, thursday is sweet and probably very naive, don’t get your grossness all over him

[10:53] **hellinleather:** i’d like to get something all over him..

[10:55] **calismurfette:** OKKKAAAAYYY how about we move to topics that won’t disturb me?

[10:55] **mooseantlers:** i fully agree

[10:56] **hellinleather:** get your prudish panties out of a knot, you can go back to talking about whatever the hell it was, i won’t say much, promise.

[10:58] **queenofmoondor:** i don’t believe you, but i’m curious. what happened?

[11:00] **mooseantlers:** so, apparently thursday and red are both twins

[11:02] **hellinleather:** wait wait wait. there are TWO thursdays? two probably very innocent, very corruptible thursdays in need of someone more experienced to guide them?

[11:02] **pieandpage:** his twin is a girl

[11:02] **hellinleather:** how is this a con?!?

[11:03] **calismurfette:** leather! you promised not to interrupt!

[11:04] **hellinleather:** i said i wouldn’t interrupt much. but continue, continue. i have my thoughts to keep me company.

[11:04] **queenofmoondor:** once more, gross

[11:06]   **mooseantlers:** ANYWAY, they’re both boy/girl twin sets and were both talking about their childhood and stuff and I guess it was similar and then red pmed thursday and then they both left the chat together

[11:07] **mooseantlers:** I don’t know what could’ve happened

[11:08] **pieandpage:** i was too busy mourning the loss of my sexy twin fantasy to really care but it was weird

[11:10] **queenofmoondor:** wait, so they’re both fraternal twins, they both had similar childhood experiences, and they seemed eager to talk to each other privately?

[11:10] **mooseantlers:** yeah.

[11:11] **queenofmoondor:**.... and you two have no idea what could have happened?

[11:11] **mooseantlers:** none at all.

[11:12] **pieandpage:** maybe they wanted to have some kind of twin meeting? i don’t think there are too many twins in lawrence

[11:12] **mooseantlers:** hm, good point

[11:14] **queenofmoondor:** i’m not sure if you two are fucking with me or not…

[11:15] **hellinleather:** you two constantly show me new levels of stupidity

[11:15] **calismurfette:** guys, think about it

[11:16] **queenofmoondor:** think parent trap.

[11:17] **pieandpage:** they both discovered a love of lindsay lohan when she was still cute?

[11:18] **mooseantlers:** i’m pretty sure thursday said his parents were still together…

[11:20] **queenofmoondor:** oh wow. oh wow you are not fucking with me

[11:21] **pieandpage:** as fun as it is to play beat around the bush, can someone tell us whats going on?

[11:22] **mooseantlers:** i feel like we’ve missed something really major here….

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has now joined the chat_

**_redheadedwonder_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[11:24] **pieandpage:** fucking finally! thursday, what happened? these douchenozzles are playing scooby doo mysteries about you and red leaving together

[11:25] **thursdayschild:** Well, it appears you and moose are not the only siblings in the group anymore.

[11:26] **redheadedwonder** : turns out thursday was my twin! crazy coincidence, right?

[11:27] **pieandpage:** oooooohhhhhhhhhh

[11:27] **mooseantlers:** ohhhhhhhhhhhh

[11:28] **pieandpage:** dude we would suck as detectives

[11:29] **mooseantlers:** yeaaaah… good thing we never have to do anything like that. we probably wouldn’t catch the killer until he was about to actually kill us.

[11:29] **pieandpage:** hooray for us never having to catch bad guys

[11:31] **hellinleather:** idiots.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes about this chapter:
> 
> 1\. The joke isn't just 'you breed with the mouth of a goat', it's longer and a lot funnier. you can think up what it is :)  
> 2\. Sorry this took so long! I had a hard time deciding on the timeline of this fic, but it's mostly worked out now.  
> 3\. I had to poke fun at how oblivious the boys can be sometimes. Of course, they're awesome detective when it counts.
> 
> Hope you're enjoying this so far!


	5. Joey and Jealousy

_ Friday, Sept. 5, 7:45 PM _

Current Users:

**pieandpage**

**mooseantlers**

 

[7:45] **pieandpage** : hey you used to like friends right?

[7:46] **mooseantlers:** the tv show? yeah.

[7:46] **mooseantlers:** i mean, seeing as you always had control of the remote growing up and would watch that show like a religion so i had no other options, i had to get used to it

[7:46] **pieandpage:** did you ever watch joey?

[7:47] **mooseantlers:** the shitty spinoff they made? one episode and then never again. why?

[7:47] **pieandpage:** i was just thinking about it today. i mean was it really that bad? i kinda liked it

[7:50] **mooseantlers:** that’s because your favorite character was joey. i’m sorry, he wasn’t a great enough character to warrant his own spinoff when there were so many other stories they could have told. like chandler and monica raising the twins or ross and rachel living life. hell, i would’ve watched phoebe just be phoebe for half an hour instead of joey still being a shitty actor except now he’s getting friend zoned every week.

[7:50] **pieandpage:** wow you really did not like the show

[7:51] **mooseantlers:** i’m sorry, i just hate when shows are a really big hit and then make spinoffs that are never going to meet the glory of the show they came from and just sadly kind of… die off and make everyone sad that they can’t have their favorite show back.

[7:51] **pieandpage:** you know what? im gonna rewatch joey

[7:52] **mooseantlers:** ...it’s your night off and you plan on watching crappy canceled shows?

[7:52] **pieandpage:** it’s not like i have anything better to do

[7:53] **mooseantlers:** yeah about that. what happened to you, you know, going out and trolling for people to hook up with? it’s almost 8 on a friday night. usually you’d be knee deep in whiskey and bad decisions by now.

[7:53] **pieandpage:** just not feeling it lately. maybe im just maturing

[7:54] **mooseantlers:** and i’m an oompa loompa.

[7:54] **pieandpage:** i mean. you have the hair for it

[7:55] **mooseantlers:** screw you jerk. i’m just trying to figure out what’s changed. no offense but after the… incident, you’ve become kind of a shut in.

[7:57] **pieandpage:** 1 not my fault you have your long locks of love bitch. 2 dont bring that shit up. its not a big deal. i just dont wanna get shitfaced every weekend like a frat boy anymore. is that a crime?

[7:58] **mooseantlers:** i’m not saying you have to get drunk, but you’re not going out ANYWHERE these days. you need friends.

[7:59] **pieandpage:** no, what i NEED is the netflix password and some more beer. and maybe some rocky road, im running low…

[8:00] **mooseantlers:** is it that time of the month for you?

[8:01] **pieandpage:** fuck you man. im going to go get beer and ice cream so i can watch a show about a guy who actually got some unlike you

[8:02] **mooseantlers:** got what? the only thing joey got that entire show was cancelled

**_pieandpage_ ** _has logged out_

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has now logged in_

[8:05] **mooseantlers:** hey thursday!

[8:05] **thursdayschild:** Hello Moose :) How are you?

[8:06] **mooseantlers:** i’m pretty good. you just missed pie. although he’s pmsing, so you actually didn’t miss much

[8:06] **thursdayschild:** I wasn’t aware males could PMS….

[8:08] **thursdayschild:** Sorry, my brother has just informed me you were making a joke.

[8:09] **mooseantlers:** you’re hanging out with your brother?

[8:10] **thursdayschild:** And my sister. After yesterday’s coincidence, she’s decided we all need to get together and have sibling quality time. Well, those of us in state anyway.

[8:10] **mooseantlers:** your brother is older, right?

[8:12] **thursdayschild:** Yes. But now that he knows about this group, he wishes to join as well. That is… unadvisable in my opinion.

[8:12] **mooseantlers:** why, is he not good with people?

[8:13] **thursdayschild:** no, quite the opposite actually. He’s actually TOO good with people.

[8:14] **mooseantlers:** and that’s a bad thing?

[8:15] **thursdayschild:** It can be offputting if you’re not used to it. Actually, it can be offputting even if you are used to it.

[8:15] **mooseantlers:** yeah i get you. brothers can be a pain in the ass sometimes

[8:17] **thursdayschild:** Indeed. Anyhow, I thought I should warn you before he joins. I suspect he plans on doing so after he leaves tonight. He is an overachiever in that way.

[8:17] **mooseantlers:** it’s cool dude. the more the merrier, you know?

[8:18] **thursdayschild:** Thank you for understanding moose :) I must leave now, but I shall be back later.

[8:20] **thursdayschild:** Will pie… also be back?

[8:21] **mooseantlers:** I don’t know. If he manages to figure out the Netflix password again, I doubt it. He’s in a weird mood and turned into a huge baby.

[8:22] **thursdayschild:** Oh. I see. That’s fine, I understand.

[8:24] **mooseantlers:** is there something you needed?

[8:26] **thursdayschild:** No, I just enjoy our conversations I suppose.

[8:26] **thursdayschild:** It’s silly.

[8:27] **mooseantlers:** ...do you guys talk outside of here?

[8:28] **thursdayschild:** We PM somewhat frequently. He’s educating me on pop culture.

[8:29] **thursdayschild:** I’m sorry moose, my sister is threatening to ‘shove my laptop up my pert ass’ if I don’t log off. I will talk to you later.

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has logged off_

 

**_mooseantlers,_ ** _New PM! from: **calismurfette**_

 

[9:00] **calismurfette** : hey there! :)

[9:01] **mooseantlers:** hey!!! what’s up?

[9:02] **calismurfette:** nothing, just got tired of writing this paper. i have this teacher named prof. azazel who might actually be the devil

[9:04] **mooseantlers:** ...wait you have azazel too?

[9:04] **calismurfette:** erm. too?

[9:06] **mooseantlers:** okay don’t be weirded out but i have a professor with the same name. he teaches an intro to psych course.

[9:06] **calismurfette:** oh.

[9:07] **calismurfette:** oh. oh.

[9:07] **mooseantlers:** this doesn’t mean anything! the class is pretty big, i still have no idea who you are.

[9:08] **calismurfette:** i’ve probably seen you! i’m now gonna constantly wonder if every guy in my class is you. i…. fuck.

[9:09] **mooseantlers:** cali, don’t freak out.

[9:12] **calismurfette:** don’t freak out?! it’s a little too late for that! i LIKE being anonymous, that’s the whole reason i joined this group. it’s easier if i can pretend you guys are just people behind a screen.

[9:13] **mooseantlers:** why is this such a big deal to you? we can just pretend this whole conversation didn’t happen. nothing has to change.

[9:14] **calismurfette:** ...right. nothing.

[9:14] **mooseantlers:** are we okay?

[9:16] **calismurfette:** yeah. i gotta go write this paper though so….

[9:16] **mooseantlers:** right, of course. talk to you later?

[9:17] **calismurfette:** sure.

**_calismurfette_ ** _has logged out_

_ Friday, Sept. 5, 9:45 PM _

Current Users:

**thursdayschild**

**lollipopasphyxiation**

 

[9:45] **thursdayschild:** ...Oh dear.

[9:46] **lollipopasphyxiation:** lil bro! clever name uve got there. not at all obvious.

[9:47] **thursdayschild:** Your name is hardly inconspicuous. I knew it was you just on the fact it is a reference to both candy and sex.

[9:47] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i never knew u had a choking kink ;)

 **pieandpage** has now joined the chat

[9:47] **thursdayschild:** I’ll have you know that out of the kinks I do have, choking is not one of them.

[9:48] **thursdayschild:** Oh dear god pie you did not read that.

[9:48] **pieandpage:** ...am i interrupting something???

[9:49] **thursdayschild:** No!!! My older brother has joined our group.

[9:49] **lollipopasphyxiation:** brother? i guess im ok w/ roleplay if ur into that...

[9:49] **pieandpage:** …

[9:50] **thursdayschild:** !!! Tell him you are my brother right now!

[9:51] **lollipopasphyxiation:** get ur panties out a knot. im ur brother. ive seen u naked. it didnt get me all tingly trust me

[9:51] **pieandpage:** ...so this is your brother? wow.

[9:52] **thursdayschild:** He takes some getting used to.

[9:52] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i dont know what ur talking about, im a bundle of joy.

[9:53] **pieandpage** : i dont even wanna know why you two were talking about sexy choking

[9:53] **lollipopasphyxiation:** why, does that not interest u?

[9:54] **lollipopasphyxiation:** because lemme tell u, ive heard my brother get it on, hes into some weird crap.

[9:55] **thursdayschild:** What?!? I am not! And when have you ever heard me while having sex?!

[9:56] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i grew up in the same house as u. after having my lube go missing 3 times and having that balthazar guy go into ur room for hrs and not come out, i thought id listen in

[9:56] **lollipopasphyxiation:** thats how i know ur a top

[9:57] **thursdayschild:** !!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop sharing!!!!!

[9:57] **pieandpage:** wait top?

[9:58] **lollipopasphyxiation:** … i accidentally outed u, didnt i?

[9:59] **thursdayschild:** Unlike you, I don’t find it necessary to share my sexual history with everyone I meet.

[9:59] **pieandpage:** oh! you’re gay

[10:00] **lollipopasphyxiation:** than a double rainbow in san francisco. thats not a problem, is it?

[10:00] **pieandpage:** dude no. im not an asshole.

[10:01] **thursdayschild:** Thank you pie :) I would, however, very much appreciate it if we moved past my sexual preferences and onto a new topic.

[10:02] **lollipopasphyxiation:** ur right. lets talk about ur hot date tomorrow!

[10:02] **thursdayschild:** That is literally the opposite of what I just asked.

**_queenofmoondor_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[10:03] **queenofmoondor:** is that a new person i spot?

[10:03] **lollipopasphyxiation:** finally a chick. this was starting to become a sausage fest

[10:04] **thursdayschild:** queen, meet my older brother. I’m very sorry in advance.

[10:05] **queenofmoondor:** uhhhhh… ok. looks like almost your whole family is on here dude

[10:05] **thursdayschild:** Unfortunately.

[10:06] **queenofmoondor:** so what were you guys talking about?

[10:06] **lollipopasphyxiation:** apparently were not talking about my bro’s hot sweaty man date he has tmmrw

[10:07] **thursdayschild:** Why are you making this more sexual each time you mention it?

[9:08] **queenofmoondor:** hot sweaty man date? not my cup of tea but good for you! where’d you meet the guy?

[9:09] **thursdayschild:** ….at a Weiner Hut.

[9:09] **pieandpage:** ...the fast food joint?

[9:10] **thursdayschild:** He was the cashier. And despite my brother’s crude insistence, we’re simply going out for coffee. It’s hardly even a date.

[9:10] **lollipopasphyxiation:** its thhe most action uve gotten in like a year, im proud of u

[9:10] **lollipopasphyxiation:** wrap it b4 u tap it

[9:11] **pieandpage:** i mean, going out for coffee sounds pretty date-y to me

[9:12] **queenofmoondor:** that’s the first date my ex-girlfriend and i went on. then again she worked at starbucks and it was less a date and more us banging in the supply closet… but still.

[9:12] **pieandpage:** tmi queen

[9:13] **thursdayschild:** I highly doubt that’s how the night will turn out.

[9:14] **pieandpage:** highly doubt? so you dont know yet?

[9:16] **thursdayschild:** What, if I will… ‘bang’ him? I sincerely doubt it, but I suppose there is a slim possibility for more happening.

[9:17] **pieandpage:** oh. thats cool. i mean, i didnt peg you for the put out on the 1st date kinda guy but who am i to judge?

[9:17] **thursdayschild:** I don’t really have a time limit for when I ‘put out’, but no, I usually do not try to have sexual relations on the first date.

[9:18] **lollipopasphyxiation:** u wont have any if u call it that

[9:19] **pieandpage:** then what makes this guy so special? he works at a weiner hut, i doubt he has too much going on for him

[9:19] **thursdayschild:** I’m not proposing to the man, I just said we probably won’t do anything.

[9:20] **pieandpage:** ‘probably’ implies theres like a 20% chance of something happening. ive gotten more with less

[9:22] **thursdayschild:** Would it be a crime then if I were to sleep with him? I don’t understand your problem here.

[9:24] **pieandpage:** so sorry if im concerned that one of my friends is putting out to a guy who wears a freaking paper boat hat. maybe he’ll give you a free hot dog afterwards.

[9:24] **pieandpage:** i have to go. i’m on season two of joey and its really starting to heat up.

**_pieandpage_ ** _has logged out_

[9:25] **queenofmoondor:** okay what did i miss????

[9:25] **thursdayschild:** I… don’t know.

[9:26] **lollipopasphyxiation:** did he say he was gonna to watch joey?

[9:26] **thursdayschild:** Yes, I think he did.

[9:27] **queenofmoondor:** oh dear he’s worse than i thought

[9:27] **lollipopasphyxiation:** that poor sap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually the worst. Sorry this took so long, but the end of senior year is a bitch. Luckily, my last day of school is on Friday and then I have a major break before I have to do shit again. So that means update won't take 3 weeks again (ahh!)
> 
> I tried to make it up to you with funny stuff and some actual plot. Tell me if I did a good job?


	6. Dates and Pudding

_ Saturday, Sept. 6, 2:13 PM _

Current Users:  
 **mooseantlers**  
 **queenofmoondor**  
 **101knives**

[2:13] **mooseantlers** : guys, i need help

[2:13] **101knives:** with?

[2:14] **mooseantlers:** pie. he’s been listening to nothing but florence + the machine and the arctic monkeys all. day.

[2:14] **mooseantlers:** if i have to listen to ‘do i wanna know’ one more time, i might actually attack to england just to rid the world of that song

[2:15] **queenofmoondor:** wait. pie, big, all-american, ‘music ended with metallica’ pie, is listening to… florence + the machine?

[2:15] **101knives:** are you sure its your brother?

[2:16] **mooseantlers:** he only listens to this kind of music when he’s just gone through a really bad breakup. he doesn’t… exactly know i’m at his place, but it’s his own fault for not coming out of his room. and for not having a better security system.

[2:17] **queenofmoondor:** yeah he was acting weird yesterday too. got all pissy at thursday for going on a date and then said he was going to watch joey??

[2:17] **101knives:** ew, that bastard of a friends spinoff?

[2:17] **mooseantlers:** joey was his favorite character and he has a hard time letting go. i don’t understand it either

[2:18] **queenofmoondor:** ok well has he been dating anyone lately?

[2:18] **mooseantlers:** no! he’s actually been super closed off lately. not even a drunken one night stand.

[2:19] **101knives:** maybe hes been secretly banging a chick behind your back?

[2:19] **mooseantlers:** i don’t think he’d do that. he’s not one to be closed off about serious relationships.

[2:20] **queenofmoondor:** ...maybe it’s thursday?

[2:20] **mooseantlers:** what, like he’s… lovesick over him?

[2:21] **101knives:** i mean, it would make sense. everytime i pm pie, it’s ‘thursday said this’ or ‘did you know thursday has never seen jurassic park? wozzers!’.

[2:21] **mooseantlers:** they just met!

[2:22] **queenofmoondor:** maybe it’s like a romeo and juliet type thing!

[2:22] **101knives:** if you start quoting dire straits, im out

[2:24] **mooseantlers:** i mean. pie is bi so i guess that makes sense

[2:24] **mooseantlers:** WAIT SHIT I DIDN’T TELL YOU THAT

[2:25] **queenofmoondor:** dude i already guessed that

[2:25] **queenofmoondor:** no one watches dr. sexy for the entertainment value

[2:26] **101knives:** plus it doesn’t matter. queen is a lesbian, im into whatever, im pretty sure leather is willing to fuck anything with a pulse, and apparently thursday is gay

[2:27] **mooseantlers:** still. pie is really.. weird about his sexuality. i walked in on him kissing a guy once and he freaked. wouldn’t look me in the eye for a week

[2:27] **queenofmoondor:** it takes some time. kansas isn’t the most accepting of places after all

[2:28] **mooseantlers:** i just want him to be happy, y’know? and if thursday makes him happy…

[2:28] **queenofmoondor:** moose. we both know what an awful idea that is

[2:29] **mooseantlers:** *sigh* i know. after last time…. i don’t think thursday is skeevy, but there’s really no way of being able to verify that with blowing the whole ‘anonymous’ thing

[2:30] **101knives:** maybe you just need to find him a guy in real life! im sure thursday isnt the only socially inept weirdo out there

[2:31] **mooseantlers:** that’s… actually a great idea! i have this friend at school… well i guess more like tutor. anyway, he’s a lot like thursday and not bad looking. i think he’s into guys too.

[2:31] **queenofmoondor:** there you go. he’s probably just really lonely and latching onto thursday. i can’t believe i’m saying this, but he might need… to go out more

[2:32] **mooseantlers:** yeah, i know. i think i’ll call castiel in a bit, see if he’s free soon

[2:32] **101knives:** castiel? thats a fucking weird name man

[2:33] **mooseantlers:** apparently it’s an angel. the angel of some day of the week, i forget

[2:33] **mooseantlers:** shit i gotta go he’s playing snow patrol now

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has left the chat_

[2:35] **queenofmoondor:** ahh, another day, another sunken ship

[2:35] **101knives:** dont tell me you actually wanted them together?

[2:36] **queenofmoondor:** i realize how insanely bad of an idea it is and i fully support him going out and get his groove back, but you gotta admit they were kinda cute

[2:36] **101knives:** i guess so, yeah. who else are you secretly shipping over there?

[2:37] **queenofmoondor:** i think everyone wants cali and moose together. those two are so cute it hurts

[2:38] **queenofmoondor:** and me with you of course ;)

[2:30] **101knives:** you are the worst flirt in the entire universe

[2:30] **queenofmoondor:** what, your panties aren’t just flying off?

[2:31] **101knives:** my self respect is keeping them firmly in place, dont worry

[2:32] **queenofmoondor:** my self respect stopped trying to keep my virtue after lizzie ableman’s 9th grade slumber party. ah… curiosity and hormones lead to good times

[2:33] **101knives:** i keep forgetting youre a woman womanizer

[2:33] **queenofmoondor:** like you’re a blushing virgin

[2:34] **101knives:** not blushing

[2:34] **queenofmoondor:** ...wait, you can’t be serious

[2:35] **queenofmoondor:** you have one of the dirtiest minds ever. and that’s saying something coming from me!

[2:36] **101knives:** my mom was pretty strict in  high school and even though im 19 now, i still live with her. like hell am i bringing back anyone here so she can run a background check and pull blood for her files

[2:37] **queenofmoondor:** so… you’ve never done anything? at all?

[2:37] **101knives:** ive made out before, im not that sexually repressed jesus

[2:37] **queenofmoondor:** you rebel.

[2:38] **101knives:** is there a reason youre so interested in my vaginal affairs?

[2:38] **queenofmoondor:** i feel this like, overwhelming need to get you laid!  
[2:39] **101knives:** why, you offering something? ;)

[2:39] **queenofmoondor:** and you say I’M the worst flirt ever

[2:39] **queenofmoondor:** but sure, okay

[2:41] **101knives:** ...wait. that was a joke, right?

[2:46] **101knives:** ….right?

[2:46] **queenofmoondor:** ;)

 **_queenofmoondor_ ** _has left the chat_

[2:51] **101knives:** well shit.

 

_ Saturday, Sept. 6, 4:31 PM _

Current Users:  
 **lollipopasphyxiation**  
 **thursdayschild**

[4:31] **lollipopasphyxiation:** lil bro, fancy seeing u here

[4:31] **thursdayschild:** This is hardly a coincidence, you know I was going to be here.

[4:32] **lollipopasphyxiation:** no, i figured youd be playing naked twister with weenie hut jr. guy

[4:33] **thursdayschild:** That is not the name… nevermind. And as I said yesterday, nothing was going to happen. We went to get coffee and it turns out he’s more like a younger sibling to me than a potential lover.

[4:33] **lollipopasphyxiation:** kinky

[4:33] **thursdayschild:** No, not kinky! Dear god.

[4:34] **lollipopasphyxiation:** look, i just want u back on the horse. in every sense of the word cowboy

[4:34 ] **thursdayschild:** As you so crudely pointed out yesterday, I am more likely to be the ‘horse’ than the cowboy.

[4:35] **thursdayschild:** Annnnnnddd now I’m disturbed.

[4:35] **lollipopasphyxiation:** ha! good one. look, ill find u someone else

[4:36] **thursdayschild:** No need. One of the students I tutor at KU has asked me if I wished to have coffee with his brother, Dean. He sent me a picture, he’s very attractive.

[4:37 **lollipopasphyxiation:** hell ya! u can finally put those blueberry scented condoms i gave u into good use

[4:37] **lollipopasphyxiation:** makes ur junk smell like pie

[4:37] **thursdayschild:** I am getting coffee with him, not baking his dick!

[4:38] **lollipopasphyxiation:** hey i don’t judge

[4:38] **thursdayschild:** You are insufferable.

[4:38] **lollipopasphyxiation:** and adorable. dont forget that

[4:39] **thursdayschild:** How could I ever.

 **_hellinleather_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[4:40 ] **thursdayschild:** Oh dear.

[4:40] **hellinleather** : you wound me. aren’t you happy to see me sweetcheeks?

[4:41] **thursdayschild:** I’m not… unhappy to see you.

[4:41] **lollipopasphyxiation:** who is this?

[4:42] **thursdayschild:** This is leather. She is very… open to sex, just like you. You should get along.

[4:43] **hellinleather:** you sure know how to get a girl going. with a mouth like that, i don’t know why everyone isn’t falling all over you

[4:43] **lollipopasphyxiation:** well hello there. i can say tons of dirty things if thats what ur into

[4:43] **thursdayschild:** Please don’t tempt him.

[4:44] **hellinleather:** sorry, i like em virginal. the chase gets me all hot and bothered

[4:44] **lollipopasphyxiation:** ….and u think hes viginal?

[4:44] **hellinleather:** like a 16 year old redditor

[4:45] **lollipopasphyxiation:** oh hun

[4:45] **thursdayschild:** What my brother MEANS to say is that I have engaged in sexual relations before.

[4:46] **lollipopasphyxiation:** so many times. like a prostitute whose rent is due

[4:46] **thursdayschild:** You can’t say things like that!!!!!

[4:47] **hellinleather:** damn. it’s always the quiet ones.

[4:48] **thursdayschild:** My sex life is nobody’s business! Why does everyone care so much?

[4:48] **hellinleather:** we’re in an anonymous chat room, we’re bored. duh

[4:49] **thursdayschild:** I am NOT a source of entertainment.

[4:49] **hellinleather:** calm down. i only treat people like toys if they’re into that kinda thing.

[4:49] **hellinleather:** ...are you into that kinda thing?

[4:50] **thursdayschild:** No!

[4:50] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i am!

[4:51] **thursdayschild:** I’m going to go now and take a long hot shower while I think about my life choices.

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[4:52] **lollipopasphyxiation:** sooooo

[4:53] **hellinleather:** yeah, nice try big boy

[4:53] **hellinleather:** actually… you know what, pm me. i have some interesting fantasies involving your siblings and a vat of chocolate pudding.

[4:54] **lollipopasphyxiation:** you had me at chocolate pudding.

 

_ Saturday, Sept. 6, 6:02 PM _

Current Users:  
 **mooseantlers**  
 **pieandpage**

 [6:02] **pieandpage:** i cant believe you

[6:02] **mooseantlers:** you were playing snow patrol man! i had to do something.

[6:03] **pieandpage:** chasing cars is a damn good song

[6:03] **mooseantlers:** that sentence right there is exactly why i set you up with someone

[6:03] **pieandpage:** i dont even know this guy

[6:04] **mooseantlers:** he’s perfect for you, trust me

[6:05] **pieandpage:** perfect for me because he really is or because you want him to be?

[6:05] **mooseantlers:** i can’t have both?

[6:06] **pieandpage:** look, i get youre worried, but if i wanted to get laid, id be getting laid

[6:07] **mooseantlers:** you haven’t showered in two days and netflix is now recommending the notebook as one of our top choices.

[6:07] **pieandpage:** and thats because right now i dont want to get laid!

[6:08] **mooseantlers:** everything is not about sex! it’s about finding someone who you share a mutual connection with to care for and grow as a person with.

[6:08] **pieandpage:** im 99% sure you got that out of a hallmark card

[6:09] **mooseantlers:** -_- i’m being serious here

[6:09] **pieandpage:** so am i. i seriously dont wanna go.

[6:10] **mooseantlers:** but?

[6:10] **pieandpage:** but im going to go anyway because im not an asshole who stands people up

[6:11] **mooseantlers:** yes! you wont regret this, i promise

[6:11] **pieandpage:** you couldnt pick a good date. who goes and gets coffee? we should have done something cool, like paintball.

[6:12] **mooseantlers:** please tell me you do not seriously think paintballing is a good first date idea.

[6:13] **pieandpage:** hell yeah! you get to shoot stuff, the stuff still lives, plus you look like a bag of skittles afterwards

[6:13] **pieandpage:** its win win

[6:14] **mooseantlers:** i can now see why many of your relationships dont last

[6:14] **pieandpage:** they cant handle all the awesome i bring to the table

[6:15] **mooseantlers:** right. look, dont be late, okay? and shave. and put deodorant on. several layers of it in fact

[6:15] **mooseantlers:** your place smelled like a middle school boy’s locker room, minus all the axe body spray

[6:16] **mooseantlers:** which actually is probably an improvement, but still

[6:16] **pieandpage:** i know how to not look homeless for a date, im fine

[6:17] **mooseantlers:** i just really want you to be happy, you know? you deserve it

[6:18] **pieandpage:** if netflix is recommending the notebook, its because of you.

[6:18] **mooseantlers:** youre impossible

[6:19] **pieandpage:** and adorable, cant forget that

[6:19] **mooseantlers:** how could i ever

[6:19] **pieandpage:** itll be fine, stop worrying so much

[6:20] **pieandpage:** while we’re on the subject of love lives though…

[6:22] **mooseantlers:** oh no, we are not starting this. unlike you, ive eaten more than cheeto puffs and a two week old tuna sub today, therefore i can not be lectured by the likes of you

[6:22] **pieandpage:** im just saying, havent seen cali online today

[6:24] **mooseantlers:** ...yeah

[6:24] **pieandpage:** she still giving you the cold shoulder?

[6:25] **mooseantlers:** it’s only been a day, she’s probably busy

[6:25] **pieandpage:** busy ignoring your ass, yeah

[6:26] **mooseantlers:** it doesn’t matter anyway. online relationships never work out and she’s made it clear that she wants to stay strictly anonymous. i respect that.

[6:27] **pieandpage:** im not saying go for it, but you two are obviously into each other. maybe you can like… skype her first?

[6:28] **mooseantlers:** not if she wants to remain anonymous. look, it’s fine. contrary to popular belief, i can meet girls in real life

[6:29] **pieandpage:** the last time i saw you try to flirt with a girl, you called the bartender a barkeep and told the lady that you wouldnt mind doing ‘the sex’

[6:31] **mooseantlers:** i was 17, slightly drunk, and had awkward teenage hormones flowing through me! AND YOU SAID YOU’D NEVER BRING THAT UP AGAIN.

[6:32] **pieandpage:** im just pointing out your lady wooing game needs work

[6:32] **mooseantlers:** jerk.

[6:32] **pieandpage:** yeah yeah bitch

[6:33] **pieandpage:** hey can you bring over some febreeze though? theres a strange green in the back of my fridge and its making my kitchen smell like a back alley after a bachelor party.

[6:34] **mooseantlers:** i’m bringing over some hazmat suits too jesus

[6:34] **pieandpage:** and pie! and a copy of pretty in pink. man thats a good movie

[6:36] **mooseantlers:** yeah definitely need to get you laid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, two things to clear up before we start getting to plot heavy here:  
> 1\. I'm technically 'showing' you the parts of the conversation that are relevant to the overall story. The characters still talk outside what I show you in the chat  
> 2\. You can still be online without being apart of the chat, and most people (i.e Sam/Jess, Dean/Cas) choose to pm each other for just one on one conversations.
> 
> So when characters talk about conversations you haven't seen/don't know when they're doing this, just realize you're only being shown like 15% of their interactions. 
> 
> Tell me what you thought of this chapter! I thought I'd get in some brotherly bonding and more Gabe. Win/Win, right?


	7. Baby Presidents and Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains a lot of cursing. Like, gratuitous use of the word 'fuck' among other words. So if cursing isn't your thing, scroll down to about the [6:34] mark and it gets a little bit less cursy from that point on. Kind of.

Sunday, Sept. 7, 5:45 PM

Current Users:

**bayoubrother**  
 **pieandpage**

[5:45] **bayoubrother:** so it was that bad huh?

[5:46] **pieandpage:** like i said, it wasnt awful but he seemed like he wasnt into it and i was distracted so….

[5:46] **pieandpage:** i know my brother means well, but im just not interested in dating right now

[5:47] **pieandpage:** also, this stays between us. as far as moose is concerned i had a lovely time and might see him again, capiche?

[5:47] **bayoubrother:** i gotcha, no worries

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[5:48] **pieandpage:** hey thursday!

[5:48] **thursdayschild:** Hello pie :) and hello bayou, I don’t think we’ve met

[5:49] **bayoubrother:** naw, i was going through a bit of a rough patch, but i’m better now so. nice to metcha :)

[5:49] **thursdayschild:** Nice to meet you as well :)

[5:50] **bayoubrother:** so i hear you work with kids?

[5:50] **thursdayschild:** I do. Do you have any children?

[5:51] **bayoubrother:** yeah, one little girl. she’s the best thing i ever did

[5:51] **pieandpage:** thats probably the sappiest thing youve ever said

[5:52] **bayoubrother:** we cant all be as emotionally stunted as you darlin

[5:52] **pieandpage:** oh, you really know how to sweet talk a guy

[5:52] **bayoubrother:** ;)

[5:53] **thursdayschild:** Wow, I did not realize it was so late, I have so many papers to grade. Gotta go for a bit!

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[5:53] **bayoubrother:** ...doesn’t he work for a daycare? the fuck is he grading?

[5:54] **pieandpage:** i dunno, maybe he works for one of those hoity toity daycares for genius babies?

[5:54] **bayoubrother:** they have those?

[5:54] **pieandpage:** yeah man. they like, train the kids to be future presidents and shit

[5:55] **bayoubrother:** fuck. maybe i shoudda got my girl into that instead of just relying on sesame street and flash cards

[5:56] **pieandpage:** nah, you’re good man. my dad taught me how to read using beer bottles and i turned out fine

[5:56] **bayoubrother:**... shit man i gotta go get my daughter a calculus book or something

[5:56] **pieandpage:** shes five!

[5:57] **bayoubrother:** yeah but i also dont want her growing up thinking ‘eau de toilette’ means that the perfume actually came from the fucking toilet

[5:57] **pieandpage:** fuck you man. i only asked you that because you know french and i don’t use goddamn perfume

[5:57] **bayoubrother:** or common sense apparently

 **_calismurfette_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[5:58] **pieandpage:** heeeyyyy cali

[5:58] **bayoubrother:** how’s my favourite ball of sunshine?

[5:59] **pieandpage:** why do you always put a ‘u’ in there, there’s no fucking u in favorite

[5:59] **calismurfette:** i’m fine! hi guys!! :)

[6:00] **bayoubrother:** in cultured countries, yes there is a fucking u

[6:00] **calismurfette:** i always forget how much you two enjoy using the word fuck

[6:01] **pieandpage:** fuck off man, youre from louisiana. last time i checked thats still apart of america where we dont use a u in favorite

[6:01] **calismurfette:** it really doesn’t matter to me…

[6:02] **bayoubrother:** last time i checked, ‘u’ can go fuck yourself

 **_queenofmoondor_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[6:04] **calismurfette:** omg hi queen

[6:04] **queenofmoondor:** well someone is excited to see me

[6:05] **pieandpage:** ill be fucking myself with the american dictionary which actually spells shit correctly

[6:05] **queenofmoondor:** oh ok now i see why. bayou is back.

[6:06] **calismurfette:** i’ve never seen the word fuck used so much in a five minute time span, and i grew up in a hippie commune

[6:07] **bayoubrother:** have i ever told you guys that my favourite colour is grey?

[6:07] **pieandpage:** i swear to fucking god

[6:08] **queenofmoondor:** why are they waving their virtual dicks around now?

[6:08] **calismurfette:** because bayou spelled favorite with a u

[6:08] **bayoubrother:** he doesn’t like how i spelt the word

[6:09] **pieandpage:** that one doesnt even LOOK right!

[6:09] **queenofmoondor:** you always manage to remind me why i’m a lesbian

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[6:10] **queenofmoondor:** moose, did you know your brother was kind of a bro?

[6:11] **mooseantlers:** um, hi? like, bro as is actually related to me, because if so that sentence was so redundant, or like wears 14 polo shirts and only uses axe body spray type of bro?

[6:11] **queenofmoondor:** the second one

[6:12] **mooseantlers:** oh. then yeah.

[6:12] **pieandpage:** thanks a lot bitch

[6:13] **mooseantlers:** anytime jerk. what’s going on?

[6:13] **calismurfette:** your brother and bayou are arguing about how to spell stuff

[6:14] **mooseantlers:** oh hi cali :) and of course they are. bayou and pie just bring out the absolute best of each other!

[6:14] **queenofmoondor:** the sarcasm is strong in this one

[6:15] **bayoubrother:** well howdy moose.

[6:15] **mooseantlers:** hi bayou.

[6:16] **calismurfette:** oh! have you already met thursday, bayou?

[6:16] **bayoubrother:** sure have. strange lil dude. ran off saying he had to grade papers

[6:17] **queenofmoondor:** doesn’t he work at a daycare center?

[6:17] **pieandpage:** yeah, but we already knew he was a weird guy. a weird, dorky lil guy

[6:18] **queenofmoondor:** please don’t go all 80’s montage on us with thoughts of him

[6:18] **mooseantlers:** speaking of weird dudes, how’d your date with castiel go?

[6:18] **calismurfette:** you had a date pie?!?

[6:20] **pieandpage:** calm down. it went fine. had a nice time.

[6:21] **mooseantlers:** i knew it! knew you would like him

[6:21] **queenofmoondor:** your queen demands details

[6:22] **pieandpage:** not much to tell. went out, had coffee, had a few laughs, yada yada yada

[623:] **mooseantlers:** ...you didn’t sleep with him, did you? because i swear to god, if you one night stand him and then he refuses to tutor me anymore…

[6:23] **pieandpage:** what? no! thanks for the vote of confidence btw

[6:24] **mooseantlers:** just checking.

[6:24] **calismurfette:** so what’s he like?!

[6:25] **bayoubrother:** why dont we lay off and let him at least get to the third date before we ask questions?

[6:25] **queenofmoondor:** we’re not asking for details about his dick

[6:25] **queenofmoondor:** well. at least i’m not.

[6:26] **pieandpage:** im with bayou. cant i have some time to process the date?

[6:26] **mooseantlers:** ...yeah i guess so?

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has now joined the chat_

 **_lollipopasphyxiation_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[6:27] **thursdayschild:** I am back. And unfortunately, I’m with my brother.

[6:27] **lollipopasphyxiation:** hes just in a pissy mood cuz his date was shitty

[6:28] **calismurfette:** oh hey, your brother is here too? that’s so cool thursday!

[6:28] **lollipopasphyxiation:** ya, im the hotter and more sophisticated 1.

[6:29] **pieandpage:** you had another date thursday?

[6:29] **thursdayschild:** Yes. It was with a different guy this time though.

[6:30] **pieandpage:** wow, youre really good at just finding guys huh?

[6:30] **lollipopasphyxiation:** hes got the whole awkward virgin look i think that does it 4 some ppl

[6:31] **pieandpage:** that’s cool. i had a date today too

[6:32] **thursdayschild:** Oh. That’s nice. I hope it went well.

[6:32] **pieandpage:** super, it went super

[6:32] **bayoubrother:** not that super though, right?

[6:33] **pieandpage:** nope, super duper

[6:33] **queenofmoondor:** super duper?

[6:34] **calismurfette:** you know what we should do instead of this incredibly awkward conversation? 20 questions!

[6:34] **bayoubrother:** oh lord

[6:34] **thursdayschild:** 20 questions?

[6:35] **queenofmoondor:** shit. now she’s going to make us play.

[6:35] **calismurfette:** have you never played 20 questions before?!

[6:36] **thursdayschild:** Um, no? I don’t know what it is honestly.

[6:37] **mooseantlers:** usually it’s a way of getting to know someone new by having a fun back and forth of questions

[6:38] **queenofmoondor:** but when we play it, it’s the chance for people to ask really sexual awkward questions until someone gets angry and leaves.

[6:39] **bayoubrother:** if it gives you any perspective, we call the last time we played ‘Questpocalypse 2014’

[6:39] **calismurfette:** come on guys, it wasn’t THAT bad.

[6:40] **mooseantlers:** i couldn’t look my brother in the eye for a week after that

[6:40] **queenofmoondor:** i had nightmares

[6:41] **lollipopasphyxiation:** this sounds like my kinda game!

[6:42] **thursdayschild:** This does not sound like a wise decision…

[6:42] **lollipopasphyxiation:** exactly why we should do it!

[6:43] **calismurfette:** yeah! thank you for being the only unlame person here

[6:44] **pieandpage:** i’ll do it.

[6:45] **mooseantlers:** ...really? YOU’RE for this game?

[6:45] **pieandpage:** yeah why not. not like i got anything better to do

[6:46] **calismurfette:** well that settles it!

[6:46] **queenofmoondor:** fiiiiinneeee. cali, explain the rules to the newbies

[6:48] **calismurfette:** ok! so, the rule is, any question goes UNLESS it’s something that would expose your identity. so no asking for names or anything. So whoever goes first picks a person and asks them something and then they have to answer. Then they ask someone else (you can’t ask the person who asked you or the person who asked them, just to make sure the game flows) and so on. the first person to step down from a question loses.

[6:49] **thursdayschild:** Who lost last time?

[6:49] **mooseantlers:** pie did. so this should be interesting.

[6:50] **calismurfette:** since thursday has never played before, how about we let him go first?

[6:51] **thursdayschild:** Oh. Okay. So I just ask anyone anything?

[6:51] **calismurfette:** yup!

[6: 52] **thursdayschild:** Alright then, I’ll start of mild because I don’t think I have any unmild questions. Moose, where did you get your username from?

[6: 54] **mooseantlers:** oh ha, you are the only person that doesn’t know this. I’m super tall and when I was in 9th grade, this dickface started messing with me and called me moose whenever he saw me. My brother beat him up, but yet still called me moose. So, it just kinda stuck. I just added the antlers cause it had to be more than 5 characters

[6:54] **thursdayschild:** That is a very interesting story :)

[6:55] **lollipopasphyxiation:** also super boring. moose, pick a good question.

[6:56] **mooseantlers:** i’ll do my best. queen, how’d your first time with a girl go?

[6:56] **queenofmoondor:** what base we talking here?

[6:56] **mooseantlers:** home run

[6:59] **queenofmoondor:** it was awkward. I was in 11th grade and it was during some hodunk star trek convention in wichita. we got drunk off of wine coolers, she awkwardly jabbed at my vag for 10 minutes and then we watched the hotels complimentary hbo during their girl on girl hour to figure out what to do next time. best memory ever.

[7:00] **lollipopasphyxiation:** man i love this game

[7:01] **queenofmoondor:** alright, my turn. lollipop, since you’re so eager, this one is for you. when was the last time you actually managed to get laid. and no, sloppy hand jobs in bar bathroom do not count.

[7:02] **lollipopasphyxiation:** well shit. uh. like 3 months ago then

[7:03] **pieandpage:** wait wait wait. you mean to tell me that you, biggest perv ive ever met, has not gotten laid in 3 months?

[7:04] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i just got out of a really bad relationship, ok? sex hasnt really been @ the top of my list

[7:04] **lollipopasphyxiation:** but that doesnt matter bc its MY turn now

[7:05] **lollipopasphyxiation:** and just 2 round things out, pie, youre it

[7:05] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i wanna know…

[7:05] **lollipopasphyxiation:** whats ur fav type of pie?

[7:06] **pieandpage:** ...wait seriously?

[7:06] **lollipopasphyxiation:** yeah man im curious

[7:07] **pieandpage:** apple. this feels like a trap

[7:07] **thursdayschild:** Knowing my brother? It probably is.

[7:08] **lollipopasphyxiation:** oh ye of lil faith

[7:08] **pieandpage:** im gonna ignore that for now. my turn. this one is for bayou.

[7:09] **bayoubrother:** well thank you kindly for rememberin me sweetcheeks

[7:09] **pieandpage:** anytime dear. alright, whyd you bail on us for what, like 3 weeks?

[7:10] **bayoubrother:** i knew youd be the asshole that would ask that

[7:10] **calismurfette:** are you bailing?

[7:12] **bayoubrother:** ...no. i got divorced, alright?

[7:12] **pieandpage:** woah dude you were married?

[7:13] **bayoubrother:** where the hell did you think i got a kid from, my forehead?

[7:15] **bayoubrother:** anyhow, caught my wife cheating on me. kinda hard to repair things after that. she was just a different person, you know? i think she was happy to leave honestly, motherhood didnt suit her well. she was more of a ‘live fast, think later’ kinda gal. cant really do that with a 5 year old on your hip

[7:16] **calismurfette:** i’m so sorry bayou :(

[7:16] **thursdayschild:** As am I.

[7:16] **pieandpage:** sucks man.

[7:17] **bayoubrother:** while im flattered, you all can save the sympathies. im fine. i got my kid and my right hand, ill be ok

[7:17] **pieandpage:** thats the spirit!

[7:18] **bayoubrother:** cali, since youre the only one left, my question is for you

[7:18] **bayoubrother:** wildest party youve been to?

[7:21] **calismurfette:** welllllllll…. last year was my freshman year so i was kinda like all shy and crap. anyhow, there was this halloween party this sorority was throwing so i went thinking it would be like bobbing for apples and dressing up. i probably should have realized it wouldn’t be when the flyer said ‘wear your sluttiest costume’ but i was eager so. anyway, it wasn’t bobbing for apples. although there was a game where girls bobbed for other things…. i left after like 30 minutes, realized wild parties weren’t really my scene. ironic though since my parents had like wild orgies as their sunday get togethers but still

[7:22] **lollipopasphyxiation:** pls tell me this sorority still throws parties

[7:23] **calismurfette:** they’ve thrown parties since, yeah. i dunno if they’re doing a halloween party this year though

[7:23] **thursdayschild:** My brother is now furiously googling local sororities beside me, so he may not respond for a while.

[7:24] **calismurfette:** okie dokie then. i’m gonna pick queen for my question. is there any guy you would consider switching teams for?

[7:25] **queenofmoondor:** ryan gosling, but i feel like that’s just a universal thing. he transcends sexuality.

[7:25] **mooseantlers:** very true actually.

[7:26] **pieandpage:** im both disturbed and a little proud in your tastes that i know youd fuck ryan gosling

[7:26] **mooseantlers:** even i can recognize when a guy is hot

[7:27] **queenofmoondor:** since moose so kindly piped up, i’ll ask you something. Longest relationship?

[7:27] **pieandpage:** ugh.

[7:28] **mooseantlers:** shut it. longest relationship was in a high school, girl named ruby. we dated for most of high school actually, broke up at the beginning of senior year.

[7:29] **pieandpage:** girl was a massive bitch

[7:29] **mooseantlers:** she was into some… questionable things, but she was otherwise pretty cool

[7:30] **pieandpage:** until she cheated on you and got pregnant with a hell spawn.

[7:30] **mooseantlers:** yeah that put a damper on things.

[7:31] **queenofmoondor:** wow, okay. i thought you were gonna say like six months

[7:31] **mooseantlers:** i don’t do short term relationships

[7:32] **pieandpage:** his lil heart is too sensitive

[7:32] **mooseantlers:** whatever. i’m asking thursday. last time you watched porn?

[7:33] **pieandpage:** woah way to just put it all out there. why don’t you ask him his jacking off technique while youre at it

[7:33] **bayoubrother:** why, you lookin for lessons?

[7:34] **pieandpage:** i cant say this enough today, fuck you man

[7:37] **thursdayschild:** Oh. Well, I really… don’t. But last time was because of Gabriel. He was in love with some porn actress and needed me to see her. Really weird one, was called ‘Casa Erotica’. Only remember that because the girl said it about a million times in the opening scene.

[7:38] **pieandpage:** it was probably bela donna

[7:38] **queenofmoondor:** you were probably watching a bela donna flick

[7:39] **mooseantlers:** the fact both of you responded at the same time worries me.

[7:39] **pieandpage:** you shouldn’t be, we both have awesome tastes

[7:39] **queenofmoondor:** hell yeah!

[7:40] **thursdayschild:** If it’s my turn now, I’m gonna to ask my brother so he stops picking out innapropriate costumes.

[7:40] **thursdayschild:** ...With my Amazon account.

[7:42] **lollipopasphyxiation:** not my fault u signed up 4 prime.

[7:43] **thursdayschild:** Anyway. What’s the last message you sent out?

[7:43] **lollipopasphyxiation:** oh boooooo

[7:44] **thursdayschild:** You are my brother, I am not asking you something inappropriate!

[7:44] **pieandpage:** youre doing us all a favor on that front

[7:46] **lollipopasphyxiation:** if u must kno, it was “well thats y u read the fine print b4 u enter a lifelong blood pact 4 a grilled cheese sandwich”

[7:47] **queenofmoondor:** ...i’m gonna need some context here

[7:47] **lollipopasphyxiation:** not ur turn ;)

[7:48] **thursdayschild:** Compared to what I was expecting, I’m pleasantly surprised.

[7:48] **lollipopasphyxiation:** youre welcome. anyway, im gonna ask pie again

[7:49] **pieandpage:** what? you cant do that!

[7:49] **calismurfette:** i mean. i don’t see why not. nothing in the rules saying he can’t

[7:50] **pieandpage:** ...and to think i liked you cali

[7:51] **lollipopasphyxiation:** soooo my question is…. out of everyone who frequents this chat, who would u bang if u ever met in real life?

[7:53] **thursdayschild:** ...And there’s the trap he was setting.

[7:53] **queenofmoondor:** lulled you into a false sense of security and then BAM! fucked up, but classic move

[7:54] **mooseantlers:** pie…

[7:55] **pieandpage:** i bail.

 **_pieandpage_ ** _has left the chat_

[7:56] **lollipopasphyxiation:** ...does that mean i win?

[7:57] **mooseantlers:** yes. you win the award for being the world’s biggest asshole.

[7:57] **lollipopasphyxiation:** well i already have that, got anything else?

 **_mooseantlers_ ** _has left the chat_

[7:59] **bayoubrother:** while i’d love to sit around and watch the end of this trainwreck, i got a 5 year old to read a story to, so im out

 **_bayoubrother_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:00] **calismurfette:** i feel like i should leave before the angry mob starts so….

 **_calismurfette_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:01] **queenofmoondor:** i’ve got a raid in 10 anyhow. man, badass is going to LOVE this story

 **_queenofmoondor_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:01] **thursdayschild:** Well. Never let it be said that you can’t clear a room.

[8:02] **lollipopasphyxiation:** oops?

[8:02] **thursdayschild:** ….you assbutt.

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[8:03] **lollipopasphyxiation:** shit. now i gotta actually care about stuff.

 **_lollipopasphyxiation_ ** _has left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this was my favourite ( ;) ) chapter to write so far. It's also the longest. I think I'm gonna try (?) to post every Wed. now, but I make no promises because I am actually shit with schedules/ sometimes I get impatient and might post early SO. That being said, I hope everyone liked this chapter and likes Benny's character (if you couldn't tell who bayou was). Tell me what you think!
> 
> Oh also, I have a tumblr ( emfmeter.tumblr.com ), so I'll be posting updates and crap sometimes there. Also, you could send me story ideas because sometimes I need help!


	8. Pizza Men and Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: really bad sexting happens in this chapter. like, nothing too graphic, it's just extremely chringey and physically hurt to write. i'm so sorry.

Tuesday, Sept. 9, 5:26 PM

 

PM between **_queenofmoondor_** and **_101knives_**

 

[5:26] **queenofmoondor** : it’s been 2 days. i’ve never seen the chat go empty for this long

[5:27] **101knives:** i have no idea why you idiots decided to play that stupid game. you knew how badly it went last time.

[5:27] **queenofmoondor:** cali is very persuasive, okay?

[5:28] **101knives:** whatever. what we need now is a battle strategy.

[5:28] **queenofmoondor:** that i can do. operation ‘get everyone’s heads out their asses’?

[5:28] **101knives:** a little long, but it’ll work.

[5:29] **queenofmoondor:** alright, first order of business?

[5:30] **101knives:** we gotta convince pie to come back somehow. cause if pie comes back, moose’ll come back, which means cali will follow, and so on so on.

[5:30] **queenofmoondor:** so how do we do that?

[5:30] **101knives:** bait and trap.

[5:31] **queenofmoondor:** i didn’t realize we were fishing here

[5:31] **101knives:** shut up. if we convince pie that thursday needs him back in the chat, he’ll come quicker than a premature ejaculator.

[5:32] **queenofmoondor:** ...hm. i know someone perfect for the job to help make our damsel be in distress.

 

**_hellinleather,_ ** _New PM! from: **queenofmoondor**_

 

[5:40] **queenofmoondor** : i can’t believe i have to voluntarily talk to you

[5:41] **hellinleather:** well well well, i knew one of you assholes would come a-calling soon. how did you guys piss off pie this time?

[5:41] **queenofmoondor:** 20 questions.

[5:41] **hellinleather:** you idiots.

[5:42] **queenofmoondor:** yeah we’re getting that now. look, we need your help.

[5:42] **hellinleather:** and here i was thinking you just wanted to talk. i’m hurt.

[5:43] **queenofmoondor:** can you help or not?

[5:43] **hellinleather:** depends. what do you need?

[5:44] **queenofmoondor:** i need you to… i can’t believe i’m saying this… sext thursday.

[5:44] **hellinleather:** ...i have no idea how this is going to help but i’m so in i don’t even need anymore details

[5:45] **queenofmoondor:** down boy. you have to make it as sexual as you can possibly make it. just tell me when he’s run from you and i’ll take it from there.

[5:45] **hellinleather:** this is my favorite plan ever

[5:46] **queenofmoondor:** i feel the regret on the horizon already

 

**_thursdayschild,_ ** _New PM! from: **hellinleather**_

 

[5:52] **hellinleather** : oh thursssddaaayyyyy

[5:54] **thursdayschild:** Hello leather. Is there something you needed?

[5:55] **hellinleather:** not really sweetcheeks, just wanted to see what you were up to. must suck being all by your lonesome on here

[5:56] **thursdayschild:** I still talk to my brother. And I DO have a life outside of the internet, you know.

[5:56] **hellinleather:** still. i heard about what happened in the chat. everyone’s all awkward, especially pie. thought maybe you’d want some comfort.

[5:58] **thursdayschild:** I’m perfectly okay, but thank you anyway.

[5:58] **hellinleather:** you sure hun? cause i’ve been watching some movies and been thinking of some fun things to try out.

[5:59] **thursdayschild:** ...Please tell me you were watching Tangled.

[6:00] **hellinleather:** if that’s what you’re into. except i was thinking about climbing on something other than some long golden locks

[6:01] **thursdayschild:** Oh god.

[6:02] **hellinleather:** there we go, now you’re getting the hang of it. i’m more partial to the babysitting pizza man scenario myself. i’ve been so naughty letting strange men into the house. you should really bend me over and spank me.

[6:03] **thursdayschild:** ….While I’m flattered, I really think you’re barking up the wrong tree here leather.

[6:03] **hellinleather:** i’m just so lonely and so horny, would it really hurt you to humor me?

[6:05] **thursdayschild:** ...Fine.

[6:05] **hellinleather:** wait what

[6:06] **thursdayschild:** I’ll play along. I’m the pizza man, right?

[6:06] **hellinleather:** yeah hold that thought

 

**_queenofmoondor_ ** _, New PM! from: **hellinleather**_

[6:07] **hellinleather** : HE’S NOT RUNNING AWAY

[6:07] **queenofmoondor** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S NOT RUNNING AWAY?!

[6:07] **hellinleather:** HE’S ACCEPTING MY ADVANCES

[6:08] **queenofmoondor:** BUT HE’S GAY!!

[6:08] **hellinleather** : MAYBE NOT SO MUCH

[6:08] **queenofmoondor** : WHY ARE WE STILL TYPING IN ALL CAPS?!

[6:09] **hellinleather** : I DON’T KNOW

[6:10] **queenofmoondor** : look! maybe you aren’t being sexual enough. start describing your lady bits in detail. i want this man as uncomfortable as you can make him.

[6:10] **hellinleather** : i’ve been trying! let’s face it, my charms is obviously irresistible.

[6:11] **queenofmoondor** : ...rightttttt. go! and tell me when he finally realizes he’s fucked up

[6:11] **hellinleather** : alright, but don’t blame me when he falls in love with me

 

PM between **_hellinleather_** and **_thursdayschild_**

 

[6:12] **hellinleather** : right, so where were we?

[6:13] **thursdayschild** : I believe you were saying you should be punished for allowing strange men like myself into your house? Which is very dangerous by the way, you are correct in wanting to be reprimanded.

[6:14] **hellinleather** : ...of course. i was just so wet that i wasn’t thinking straight. you know, tons of bodily fluids just soaking my panties.

[6:14] **thursdayschild** : Is this the part where I spank you or…?

[6:15] **hellinleather** : i mean. i guess?

[6:15] **hellinleather** : okay fuck this, this is way too awkward. you’re gay man.

[6:16] **thursdayschild** : I know, but I figured you’d leave me alone if I did this.

[6:17] **hellinleather** : you realize how fucked up that sounds right? shit, now i feel like an internet rapist or something.

[6:17] **thursdayschild** : Sorry?

[6:18] **hellinleather** : don’t fucking apologize, just talk to queen. i’m done. idiots

**_hellinleather_ ** _has logged out_

 

**_queenofmoondor_ ** _, New PM! from: **thursdayschild**_

 

[6:21] **thursdayschild** : I was told I should talk to you. Everything alright?

[6:22] **queenofmoondor:** damn it leather. yeah, hi. how are you? :)

[6:22] **thursdayschild** : I highly doubt you just want to know how my day is going.

[6:23] **queenofmoondor** : fine! you need to talk to pie and tell him to stop being an idiot

[6:26] **thursdayschild** : I’ve tried talking to him. He didn’t respond.

[6:27] **thursdayschild** : I don’t even know why he’s upset honestly. I understand admitting attraction to total strangers is awkward, but he should be past his embarrassment by now.

[6:28] **queenofmoondor** : some stuff happened to him in the past that makes him kinda weary of stuff like that. not my story to tell though. look, just try one more time? i just want my weird internet friends back

[6:28] **thursdayschild** : Fine. But if he doesn’t respond, I don’t know what else I can do for you.

[6:29] **queenofmoondor** : just be honest and i’m sure he’ll answer you.

 

**_pieandpage_ ** _, New PM! from: **thursdayschild**_

 

[6:40] **thursdayschild** : I was told I should try talking to you again. Please respond this time. I miss talking to you.

[6:51] **pieandpage** : ok. talk.

[6:52] **thursdayschild** : Are you okay? You absence from the chat has made everyone worried. Actually, very worried since the chat is dead without you. Literally.

[6:52] **pieandpage** : im fine. don’t worry about it.

[6:53] **thursdayschild** : It’s a bit too late for that. I just want to help.

[6:54] **pieandpage** : why? im just a guy behind a computer screen. you dont even know my name

[6:55] **thursdayschild** : I still consider us friends. Unless I have misinterpreted our relationship, and in that case I will respect your wishes and leave this matter alone.

[6:56] **pieandpage** : no. fuck. youre my friend, ok? the other night just brought up some bad memories and im really shit at handling things w/o booze

[6:56] **thursdayschild** : Well, whiskey is a cheap therapist.

[6:57] **pieandpage** : ha! you like whiskey? i saw you as more of a wine and cheese kinda guy

[6:58] **thursdayschild** : Hardly. I do enjoy a good wine now and then, but I prefer to get drunk in the most efficient way possible. Wine doesn’t really help with that.

[6:58] **pieandpage** : yeah were definitely friends

[6:59] **thursdayschild** : Does this mean you’ll come back to the chat?

[6:59] **pieandpage** : i was always coming back but i guess i can make an appearance tonight

[7:00] **thursdayschild** : This makes me very happy :) Thank you.

[7:01] **pieandpage** : yeah yeah, drop the chick flick moment

[7:02] **thursdayschild** : I do not understand how a movie geared toward female audiences has anything to do with this conversation, but alright.

[7:02] **pieandpage** : ...never change thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a week late, but i had prom and graduation and writer's block (oh my!) which is why this is so short and a piece of shit. but! next week will be great because i actually have a plan for this chapter (and some really good destiel scenes ;) ). AND to apologize for this being super late, I promise this will be up by Friday. If it isn't, harass my tumblr (emfmeter.tumblr.com) and tell me to get my ass in gear.


	9. Turkeys and Trust

Monday, Nov. 20, 4:34 PM

Current Users:  
 **_pieandpage_ **  
**_thursdayschild_ **  
**_mooseantlers_ **

[4:34] **pieandpage** : moose, why did i open my freezer to find a fucking huge ass turkey in there?

[4:34] **mooseantlers** : aren’t you doing the turkey this year?

[4:35] **pieandpage** : this year? dont say this year like i dont do it every year because you cant cook

[4:36] **mooseantlers** : well then i don’t know why you’re surprised.

[4:36] **thursdayschild** : You cook, pie?

[4:37] **pieandpage** : sure do. make the best damn burgers youll ever taste

[4:37] **mooseantlers** : and a really good turkey :)

[4:37] **pieandpage** : dont try and butter me up now asshole

[4:38] **thursdayschild** : I envy you. I’m an awful chef unless it involves peanut butter and jelly. Can’t be jam though. Jam is awful.

[4:39] **pieandpage** : so who cooks in your family? please tell me not your brother. after he told us about the twinkie incident, i dont wanna imagine him in a kitchen

[4:41] **thursdayschild** : Uh, no one? My family hasn’t celebrated the holidays in years. I was just planning on getting take-out and reading a good book.

[4:41] **mooseantlers** : wait, so you’re going to be alone on thanksgiving?

[4:42] **thursdayschild** : And Christmas, as my siblings are both going on vacation.

[4:42] **pieandpage** : dude

[4:42] **pieandpage** : that sucks more than my last girlfriend

[4:43] **mooseantlers** : thank you for that lovely imagery. but he’s right thursday, that is really crappy.

[4:44] **thursdayschild** : Oh no, please don’t feel bad for me. I rather enjoy the solitude and family gatherings were always… hectic for my family.

[4:45] **mooseantlers** : i get it. pie and i have built our own little family over the years. choosing who to spend your holidays with makes it so much better, trust me.

[4:45] **pieandpage** : please tell me you at least have some friends you can hang with like the day before or something

[4:46] **thursdayschild** : If I had a lot of friends, do you think I would be on here so much?

[4:46] **pieandpage** : touche

[4:47] **thursdayschild** : Please don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Now, I have to go feed my guinea pig. I will talk to you guys later.

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[4:48] **mooseantlers** : i couldn’t imagine spending the holidays alone. i’ve always had at least you there.

[4:49] **pieandpage** : i am not letting him spend thanksgiving alone

[4:49] **mooseantlers** : in case you haven’t noticed, there’s no way to do that without, you know, actually meeting him.

[4:50] **pieandpage** : oh dont you worry, i have a plan

[4:51] **mooseantlers** : i wasn’t worried before, now i really really am

[4:51] **pieandpage** : ;D

 

Tuesday, Nov. 21, 8:00 PM

**_pieandpage_** has started the private group _“give thursday a hella rad thanksgiving woot woot”_

**_pieandpage_** has added **_mooseantlers_** , **_calismurfette_** , **_queenofmoondor_** , **_hellinleather_** , **_101knives_** , **_bayoubrother_** , **_drbadass_** , **_lollipopasphyxiation_** , and **_redheadedwonder_** to the group.

[8:01] **hellinleather** : please tell me you’re joking

[8:01] **calismurfette** : um. did i miss something or?

[8:01] **redheadedwonder** : did you just make another group without my brother?

[8:01] **lollipopasphyxiation** : o this should b pricelss

[8:01] **bayoubrother** : sometimes you have bad ideas, and sometimes you have even worse ideas like this

[8:02] **101knives** : what the hell??

[8:02] **drbadass** : whatever this is im for it cause the woot woot sold me

[8:02] **queenofmoondor** : i might have to stop talking to you. hella rad? /really/?

[8:02] **mooseantlers** : sigh

[8:03] **pieandpage** : will all of you calm the fuck down dear jesus the beeps from this thing are hurting my ears

[8:04] **mooseantlers** : you sent out a mass message telling us all to be online at 8 PM sharp tonight because you had ‘important information regarding the chat’. sorry if we feel a bit lied to

[8:04] **hellinleather** : i did not miss my favorite tv show because you want to do some stupid plan for your boyfriend

[8:04] **redheadedwonder** : while i appreciate the concern for my brother, i don’t think he would want us talking behind his back like this.

[8:05] **lollipopasphyxiation** : shut up sis, ur gonna ruin the train wreck

[8:05] **pieandpage** : look! thursday is spending thanksgiving alone. i just think it would be nice if we did something for him

[8:06] **redheadedwonder** : he’s spending it alone??? he told me he was going to a friend’s!

[8:06] **lollipopasphyxiation** : he told me he was spending it w/ u

[8:07] **redheadedwonder** : maybe if you actually called once in a while you’d know I was going to be in Spain during thanksgiving!

[8:07] **lollipopasphyxiation** : o. thats cool bring me back something

[8:08] **queenofmoondor** : i’m probably going to regret asking, but how do you want to do this? really hard to celebrate something online

[8:08] **pieandpage** : not really! if we all show up on the day of and spend time with him, even if only for an hour, itll be cool

[8:09] **calismurfette** : um, i’ll be in california. so time difference problems there

[8:09] **bayoubrother** : i only get so many days to fully spend with my kid. i’m sorry, but i can’t give that up.

[8:09] **hellinleather** : no. i plan on stuffing my face with every meat available.

[8:10] **101knives** : one, ew, two, i have plans too. my mom is dragging me along to hang with some of our extended family

[8:10] **drbadass** : im doing whats shes doing

[8:11] **queenofmoondor** : i’m sorry, but my family actually wants to see me and my mom will wack me with a spoon if i go near a computer

[8:11] **lollipopasphyxiation** : sorry dude, im going to vegas to be thankful for strippers and booze

[8:12] **mooseantlers** : more importantly, how did you think we were both going to get away with being on our computers during the thanksgiving dinner WE’RE hosting?

[8:12] **pieandpage** : seriously guys? the guy is going to be alone on fucking thanksgiving and none of you can spare an hour?

[8:13] **bayoubrother** : look, i understand you wanna help but… technically he’s still a stranger. we can’t abandon our real lives for him.

[8:13] **pieandpage** : whatever. if you guys won’t spend time with him, I will.

**_pieandpage_** has disbanded the private group _“give thursday a hella rad thanksgiving woot woot”_

 

Thursday, Nov. 24, 5:30 PM

**_pieandpage_ ** _, New PM! from: **mooseantlers**_

 

[5:30] **mooseantlers** : i know you’re in your room

[5:30] **mooseantlers** : even if you won’t answer your damn door

[5:31] **mooseantlers** : cooking everything and leaving us a note saying to eat without you does NOT constitute for a family meal Dean

[5:35] **mooseantlers** : everyone is here.

[5:40] **mooseantlers** : Ellen won’t let us eat without you so Bobby and Jo are throwing a goddamn hissy fit out here

[5:46] **mooseantlers** : Ash is eyeing your pie, just fyi

[5:48] **mooseantlers** : i told them you’re not feeling well and i’m looking up your symptoms on webmd but all this typing is making them suspicious

[5:50] **mooseantlers** : if i have to tell them you have throat cancer i’m gonna be SO pissed

[5:59] **mooseantlers** : damn it Dean.  we’re eating without you. i hope thursday is worth it.

**_mooseantlers_ ** _has logged out_

 

**_thursdayschild_ ** _, New PM! from: **pieandpage**_

 

[6:10] **pieandpage** : heya there thursday :)

[6:12] **thursdayschild** : pie? It’s Thanksgiving, why are you online?

[6:12] **pieandpage** : just thought id keep you company

[6:13] **thursdayschild** : What about your family? Surely they’re not okay with you being on your computer during the meal.

[6:14] **pieandpage** : they get to see me all the time, they arent missing much. besides, theyre all probably get drunk and end up passed out on my couch anyway

[6:15] **thursdayschild** : pie. I told you that you didn’t have to worry about me today. I have my tofurkey and a special on bees on the Discovery Channel. I’m okay.

[6:15] **pieandpage** : no one deserves to be alone on the holidays, especially not you

[6:16] **thursdayschild** : Especially not me? I’m nothing special. Plenty of people are alone today.

[6:17] **pieandpage** : youre plenty special to me. and all those other people should have more people that have their backs, but i cant help them. i can be with you though

[6:18] **thursdayschild** : I don’t… you really don’t have to do this, I know you have more important people to be with.

[6:18] **pieandpage** : youre important to me

[6:20] **thursdayschild** : I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.

[6:20] **pieandpage** : like what?

[6:21] **thursdayschild** : Like that I’m special or important to you.

[6:22] **pieandpage** : shit. am i creeping you out? im so sorry man

[6:23] **thursdayschild** : You’re not creeping me out.

[6:23] **pieandpage** : then whats the problem?

[6:24] **thursdayschild** : They’re very.. affectionate words from someone who doesn’t even know me really.

[6:25] **pieandpage** : id like to think i knew you, even if that doesnt include a name

[6:26] **thursdayschild** : I’d like to think that too. Trust me, most days I’d rather be talking to you.

[6:26] **pieandpage** : so im failing to see the problem here

[6:27] **thursdayschild** : cali told me what happened.

[6:28] **pieandpage** : ...what happened with what?

[6:30] **thursdayschild** : Please don’t be mad at her, it was weeks ago, right after you disapeared from that chat and I had to bring you back. She made me promise not to tell and I haven’t! I just thought you should know I know about… you know, Alastair and everything.

[6:31] **pieandpage** : how the fuck did she know about that?

[6:31] **thursdayschild** : Did you not tell her?

[6:32] **pieandpage** : fuck no i didnt tell her. she talks with my brother way more than she talks to me

[6:32] **pieandpage** : my fucking brother goddamnit

[6:33] **thursdayschild** : Oh god. I’m so sorry. Had I known, I would have told her not to tell me. I should have done that anyway. It was none of my business.

[6:34] **pieandpage** : fuck. i mean. i was gonna tell you eventually anyway. half the people in the group know what happened, even if it’s not explicit details

[6:34] **thursdayschild** : You really don’t have to explain yourself, it’s really none of my business.

[6:35] **pieandpage** : how much did she tell you?

[6:37] **thursdayschild** : Just that you met him through the chat and he lied to you about who he really was and that when you met up, something happened. She didn’t tell me what though, I don’t think she knew.

[6:40] **pieandpage** : thats pretty much it. it was my fault really. i was so stupid, he never wanted to actually call or skype me and all the pictures he sent were so good that i shouldve known it was too good to be true. and then when we met up, the bastard basically tried to kidnap me. spiked my drink, had the van waiting out front, whole nine yards. if it werent for a lady noticing and calling the cops, i dont know what wouldve happened. i just… feel stupid for getting catfished and putting myself in danger like that.

[6:42] **thursdayschild** : I’m so incredibly sorry. It’s not your fault, it’s his fault for abusing your trust like that. Is this why you become touchy when anyone insinuates you have romantic feelings towards anyone in the group?

[6:44] **pieandpage** : its stupid, but i feel like im getting mocked or something. everytime someone brings something like that up, it just brings up bad memories about how stupid i was. i know i overreact, but i cant tell people the reason not to talk about stuff like that without telling everyone what happened

[6:45] **thursdayschild** : I understand. Well, as much as I can as I’ve never been in a situation like yours and can’t imagine or won’t pretend to know what you’re feeling.

[6:45] **pieandpage** : thanks man.

[6:46] **pieandpage** : i still don’t know what this has to do with me complimenting you

[6:47] **thursdayschild** : I just… don’t want you to think I’m trying to lure you into anything with my friendship. I enjoy talking to you and don’t want to ruin that.

[6:49] **pieandpage** : i know this sounds dumb with everything i just told you, but i do trust you and dont think youre trying to do anything shady. hell, last time i gave ‘her’ my number 2 weeks into it because he begged me for it. this isnt anything like that

[6:50] **thursdayschild** : Thank you pie, really. I trust you too. You’re the only person to actually talk to me today, other than my siblings who sent quick well wishes this morning.

[6:51] pieandpage: like i said, no one deserves to be alone. we should celebrate our ancestors being total asswipes i guess

[6:52] **thursdayschild** : How does one celebrate Thanksgiving online?

[6:52] **pieandpage** : didnt actually think that far honestly.

[6:52] **pieandpage** : ...hey, we both trust each other, right?

[6:53] **thursdayschild** : As we literally just discussed this, it’s safe to say yes.

[6:56] **pieandpage** : i have a really dumb idea and im gonna go say hi to family after i send this so if you hate the idea at least ill have pie but… my skype name is dwin1967 and ill bring my plate of food and you can bring your nasty sounding fake turkey and we can… video chat i guess

[6:56] **pieandpage** : ok going now if i dont see a new contact request in 30 minutes ill assume you dont wanna do it and we can forget this ever happened

**_pieandpage_ ** _has logged out_

_\--_

_New Skype Contact Request_

**Castiel Novak**

If you’re not freaking out, I’m not either.

\--

Dean wasn't freaked out. Sure, he might have hurriedly thrown a plate of food together and probably pissed his family off by yelling “Happy Thanksgiving!” at them before scurrying back in his room, but that didn’t mean he was freaked out. He was excited. His excitement just culminated in him pacing his room and saying “Fuck” every five seconds as he looked at his laptop in horror. Okay, maybe he hadn't thought his plan all the way through and was now actually thinking about the severity of what he had just done, but he wasn't going to back out. Probably. 

(Maybe he’d just set his laptop on fire, can’t Skype a guy on a charred piece of plastic)

After five minutes of not freaking out and diminishing all thoughts of arson (he couldn't find his lighter), Dean decided he should at least accept his contact request. And if he drew his hand back like he had been burnt after hitting ‘accept’, no one had to know.

\--

**Dean Winchester**

so hi

**Castiel Novak**

Hello.

**Dean Winchester**

dude. your name

**Castiel Novak**

What about it?

**Dean Winchester**

isnt that an angel? and not even a cool one

although your username makes sense now

**Castiel Novak**

Oh. You knew Castiel was an angel. And what he was the angel of.

How?

**Dean Winchester**

my uncle kept weird ass books around the house and i was constantly grounded as a kid. it was either read or watch dust fly by.

**Castiel Novak**

Somehow, that doesn't surprise me.

Well. I have my tofurkey all warmed up so.

If you’re ready, that is.

**Dean Winchester**

yeah sure gimme a second i gotta get a fork

\--

In reality, Dean went to the bathroom (thank god for attached bathrooms) and made sure he didn’t look gross. It’s not like this was a date, but he didn’t want to scare the guy off with scruffy, I’m-a-bachelor-fuck-you beard and messy hair. He managed to get his appearance somewhat presentable and somewhat non-threatening, he went back to his now suddenly imposing laptop.

“Too late to back out now,” He mumbled to himself and took a deep breath as he hit the green _Video Call_ button.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's this? actual plot? woah!
> 
> i'm so sorry for that cliffhanger (not really). i hope you guys did enjoy the chapter though and i promise my foray into actual writing is short lived for now. 
> 
> to clear up something that might confuse you: yes, i remember cas and dean went on a date. yes, they still remember that. but they barely paid attention to each other (cas spent the entire time playing words with friends), so they absolutely do not remember each other's names other than what letter they might start with because at this point, it was more than 2 months ago. 
> 
> however, they do remember faces ;)
> 
> next chapter will be posted on wednesday now that i caught myself up and can post stuff on a regular schedule. although i might get impatient idk
> 
> okay enough of me rambling, sorry for this long note. thanks for reading guys and all your wonderful comments. they really make my day 10000000000000000000x better. :)


	10. Netflix and New Dates

“Oh.”

As for opening lines, ‘oh’ wasn’t exactly the best, but Dean honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Because staring back at him was the guy he had gone out with months ago (and then prompty rejected). “I thought your name was familiar.” Thursday- Castiel- said, putting down what Dean assumed was his plate of nasty ass fake turkey.

“Yeah. This is-” Dean paused to think up a word accurate enough for this situation. “weird.”

“I take it this means Sam is moose?” Castiel asked. ‘Had his eyes been so blue when we met the first time?’ Dean wondered, because they were extremely blue right now.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Look, we can’t tell him you’re- well, you.” Dean picked up a piece of sliced turkey from his plate and stuffed it into his mouth. “He’d fweak the fwuck out.” He said through his mouthful of food.

“I assumed as much.” Castiel looked slightly amused, his mouth turned up into a half smile, half smirk. It was kind of really cute (okay, more than kind of) and made Dean’s face flush.

“Yeah. So! Food time?” Dean said, holding up his plate of food.  Castiel laughed and held up his own plate, revealing something that actually could pass for real turkey if Dean didn’t know better.

“Food time.”

\--

_ Monday, Nov. 28, 4:31 PM _

Current Users:

**_mooseantlers_ **

**_queenofmoondor_ **

**_lollipopasphyxiation_ **

 

[4:31] **queenofmoondor** : so you’re telling me, you’re weirded out becuse your brother is in a good mood???

[4:31] **mooseantlers:** not just any good mood, like a super happy, i’m really great kind of mood

[4:32] **queenofmoondor** : and that’s… bad?

[4:32] **mooseantlers** : when dealing with pie? yes.

[4:33] **lollipopasphyxiation** : i get wat u mean my bro has been in a super good mood l8ly its fuckin weird

[4:34] **queenofmoondor** : maybe they’re just happy from the holidays? i know i am. my mom makes the best freaking food.

[4:34] **mooseantlers** : pie didnt even spend thanksgiving with us. he spent it with thursday.

[4:34] **lollipopasphyxiation** : wat do u mean ‘he spent it w/ thursday’

[4:35] **mooseantlers** : they chatted the entire night. pie said he didn’t want him to spend thanksgiving alone

[4:35] **queenofmoondor** : wow. he was serious.

[4:36] **lollipopasphyxiation** : ok well if no1 is gonna comment on how gay they r 4 each other i will

[4:37] **mooseantlers** : they dont even really know each other. besides, pie spent the weekend with that guy i set him up with a few months back.

[4:37] **queenofmoondor** : like they went on a date?

[4:38] **mooseantlers** : i don’t think so. pie said they were just watching some movies. but cas did seem pretty happy today at our tutoring session so i dunno.

[4:38] **lollipopasphyxiation** : cas?

[4:39] **mooseantlers** : yeah, his name is castiel. sweet guy, weird name

[4:40] **lollipopasphyxiation** : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[4:40] **lollipopasphyxiation** : oh god. i gotta go call some people, this is priceless.

 **_lollipopasphyxiation_ ** _has logged out_

[4:41] **mooseantlers** : um, okay? i didnt think his name was that funny.

 

 **_pieandpage_ ** _, New PM! from: **thursdayschild**_

 

[5:01] **thursdayschild** : Dean, this show you had me watch… it has a lot of nudity.

[5:02] **pieandpage** : that’s why oitnb is so awesome! boobs, lesbian sex, what more could you want?

[5:02] **thursdayschild** : I’m gay, Dean.

[5:03] **pieandpage** : and? even you can appreciate a nice rack every now and then

[5:04] **thursdayschild** : I’m going to ignore your slightly misogynistic comments in favor of inviting you over for pizza and to watch this show. I’m halfway through season one and the plot is very suspenseful.

[5:04] **thursdayschild** : I don’t think I like Piper though.

[5:05] **pieandpage** : you had me at pizza.

[5:05] **pieandpage** : and yeah piper sucks 1st season

[5:06] **thursdayschild** : Great! I’ll order our pizza now.

[5:06] **pieandpage** : meat lovers?

[5:07] **thursdayschild** : This is from a vegan pizza shop, so no.

[5:07] **pieandpage** : what?! no. no fake cheese.

[5:08 **thursdayschild** : We ate lasagna the other day, what did you think was in that?

[5:09] **pieandpage** : ...i forget youre a vegan sometimes, ok?

[5:09] **thursdayschild** : Admit it, you can’t tell the difference.

[5:09] **pieandpage** : i can so!

[5:10] **thursdayschild** : I’ll order fake pepperoni, just for you.

[5:11] **pieandpage** : fine. but im bringing the beer, your stuff is shit

[5:11] **thursdayschild** : Deal. See you soon, Dean :)

\--

“You’re going out? Again?” Sam wasn’t a nosy brother, he really wasn’t, but it was hard to believe his brother was seeing a guy for the fourth time in a four day window. That was more than Dean saw Sam sometimes.

Dean just shrugged and began looking around his tiny apartment for his car keys. “Yeah, Cas and I are gonna watch some Orange is the New Black, eat pizza, drink beer, yada yada… have you seen my keys?” He asked distractedly, shuffling through one of his kitchen counter drawers.

Sam’s eyebrow raised in disbelief and decided to keep the Impala’s keys he had in his pocket (he needed Starbucks earlier and Dean isn’t exactly observant) for a little while longer. “So… a date then?”

Dean’s head snapped up at that. “What? A date? No. Not a date. Two very friendly friends hanging out to partake is softcore lesbian porn and good beer. Can’t say much about the pizza, he’s vegan so ninety percent of it will probably be tofu but…” He laughed nervously, going back to vigorously searching through the same drawer. “Not a date.”

Dean was going to eat vegan pizza for someone. Sam was both amused and slightly offended since he couldn’t even get his older brother to look at a salad. He was happy Dean liked Cas, though he didn’t get why he didn’t just admit it. They had been on a date before, it wasn’t as if beginning a relationship now would be weird.

“Right. Not a date. You’re just going over to a guy’s house to do very date like things.” Sam rolled his eyes and held up Dean’s keys from his pocket. “Here, they were over here. Go before your not a date gets worried.”

Dean blushed and snatched the keys from Sam’s hand. “Thanks bitch. Don’t stay up too late- Actually, remind me again why you’re here?”

“Because I hate my roommate right now and don’t exactly want to go to jail for third degree murder.” Sam said, sighing. His roommate Brady was nice, but lately he’d become a little demon with all the partying and girls he brought back to their room. It was irritating.

“Right. Well, be good and don’t touch any of my shit. Bye!” Dean said before rushing out the door.

Pfft. Not a date. If he wasn’t dating Castiel in a month’s time, Sam would cut his hair off.

He shuddered. Not a good mental image.

\--

_ Monday, Nov. 28, 4:31 PM _

Current Users:

**_mooseantlers_ **

**_calismurfette_ **

 

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[5:35] **mooseantlers** : hey thursday!

[5:35] **thursdayschild** : Hello Moose, how are you?

[5:36] **calismurfette** : hey thursday :)

[5:36] **thursdayschild** : Hello to you as well Cali :)

[5:37] **mooseantlers** : i’m great. cali and i were just talking about how pie is an oblivious idiot

[5:37] **thursdayschild** : Oh?

[5:38] **calismurfette** : apparently he has this big crush on this guy and won’t admit it.

[5:39] **mooseantlers** : he’s like… head over heels for the guy. won’t shut up about him. if he doesn’t ask him out soon, i’ll ask for him.

[5:40] **thursdayschild** : Huh. Well, maybe he’s not that interested.

[5:40] **mooseantlers** : you haven’t see the look on his face when he talks about this guy. definitely interested.

[5:42] **thursdayschild** : oh.

[5:43] **mooseantlers** : i’m happy for him, y’know? he needs a life outside this chat.

[5:44] **thursdayschild** : Yes, I imagine so. I should go now, I have a friend coming over. Goodbye.

 **_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[5:45] **calismurfette** : did he seem… sad to you?

[5:45] **mooseantlers** : yeah. shit.

[5:46] **calismurfette** : he totally likes your brother

[5:46] **mooseantlers** : he’s never MET my brother

[5:46] **calismurfette** : maybe he needs someone, like pie found someone.

[5:47] **mooseantlers** : that’s a really good idea! i’ll ask lollipop or red if they know any of their friends to set up with thursday. i mean, he’s a good guy, he deserves someone too.

[5:47] **calismurfette** : so… what about you?

[5:47] **mooseantlers** : what about me?

[5:48] **calismurfette** : i mean do you have someone? you’re doing all this matchmaking, seems you would want to find somebody as well

[5:49] **mooseantlers** : oh. no. i’m like… so focused on school, you know? no time for girlfriends.

[5:50] **calismurfette** : oh. good.

[5:50] **calismurfette** : i mean. not that you don’t have time to date, just that you’re focused on school

[5:50] **calismurfette** : because education is important

[5:51] **calismurfette** : woo literacy!

[5:52] **mooseantlers** : ...right. so do you have someone?

[5:53] **calismurfette** : nope, nope. i mean, keeping my options open, you know? gotta be open.

[5:53] **calismurfette** : to possibilities, i mean, not to… people.

[5:54] **mooseantlers** : yeah, no, i got you.

[5:54] **calismurfette** : right.

[5:54] **mooseantlers** : right.

 **_redheadedwonder_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[5:56] **calismurfette** : RED!

[5:56] **redheadedwonder** : uh, hi. you’re happy to see me.

[5:57] **mooseantlers** : we were just talking about you actually.

[5:57] **redheadedwonder** : why?

[5:57] **calismurfette** : we think thursday has a crush on pie.

[5:58] **mooseantlers** : and pie is really into this guy he knows in real life

[5:59] **calismurfette** : so we were thinking that maybe you knew someone that he could go out with, just to get his mind off of pie.

[6:00] **redheadedwonder** : oh :/ I mean, I guess so. I’m still in Spain, but I can make a few phone calls. I do have a friend that’s been asking about him forever…

[6:01] **calismurfette** : that’s perfect! that way, no one gets their feelings hurt

[6:01] **redheadedwonder** : yeah, guess so. I gotta go, but I’ll let you two know how things go.

[6:02] **mooseantlers** : thanks.

[6:02] **calismurfette** : :)

 **_redheadedwonder_ ** _has left the chat_

\--

“Anna? Anna, it’s like midnight there, why are you calling me?” Castiel held the phone to his ear as he paid the pizza delivery man.

“ _Hello to you too. Look, I_ _have this friend, Crowley-_ ”

Castiel cut her off. “The skeevy looking one who is always in a suit for no reason?” He shuddered, the older man creeped him out. The few times Castiel encountered him, he was leered at like a piece of meat. It was unsettling.

“ _Yes, that one. Look, he’s a really nice guy, and has a lot of money,_ and _likes you. I was thinking you two could go out some time?_ ” Anna said, sounding rightfully hesitant. She knew his feelings about being set up. Castiel sighed and set the burning hot pizza on his coffee table, hip checking the door close as he went.

He wasn’t lonely, he was perfectly fine sitting at home watching a good documentary. At the same time, it did get pretty old doing the same thing every evening and it wasn’t as if anyone else was asking him out. He thought maybe- well, it didn’t matter now, whatever he thought was happening, wasn’t. Maybe it would be good to get out of the house for once.

“Alright, I guess. As long as he knows no means no.” Castiel warily said. “ _You’ll go? Wow, okay. Yeah, I’ll tell him to be on his best behavior_.” Anna sounded a bit more shocked than Castiel expected but he decided not to dwell on it since someone began to ring his doorbell repeatedly.

“Coming! I have to go, I have company. Call me again soon.” He said quickly, ending the call. With a deep breathe, Castiel rolled his shoulders back, ready to spend the night with Dean.

He’s dealt with worse other than unrequited feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so excuse time: shit has been kinda crappy in my life lately, and i haven't really had a place to write at so that's why this chapter is so insanely late. on the plus side, i have a place to stay now so hopefully i'll actually make next weeks deadline. As always, to make up for me not having a chapter last week, i'll try to post another chapter by sunday at the latest. you know where to harass me if i don't have one up
> 
> anyway, hope you like this chapter! i don't know how long this mix of actual writing vs. chat will continue, but i like showing dean and cas interacting in real life too so who knows?
> 
> also, i didn't really proofread the written parts, so if something is wonky, i'm sorry. i might need a beta if i keep doing actual written parts.


	11. Spaghetti and Seduction

_ Friday, Dec. 2, 5:06 PM _

**_thursdayschild_ ** _, New PM! from: **pieandpage**_

[5:06] **pieandpage** : me + you + your not so shitty vegan pizza + a back to the future marathon= fun friday night

[5:07] **thursdayschild:** While that sounds lovely Dean, I’m afraid I already have plans tonight.

[5:07] **pieandpage:** plans better than a movie about time travel?

[5:08] **thursdayschild:** I have a date.

[5:08] **pieandpage:** great scott.

[5:09] **thursdayschild:** Who is Scott???

[5:10] **pieandpage:** ...nevermind. i just didnt think you were seeing anyone

[5:10] **thursdayschild:** I wasn’t, and this is only a first date, but we’ll see how it goes.

[5:11] **pieandpage:** well. hope you have fun then

[5:12] **thursdayschild:** Thank you. And maybe we can reschedule for tomorrow?

[5:12] **pieandpage:** yeah maybe

[5:12] **pieandpage:** i gotta go so ill talk to you later

**_pieandpage_ ** _has left the conversation_

\--

Dean wasn’t moping. He didn’t mope. Thirteen-year-old girls moped, he was simply aggressively sad right now.

And if his aggressive sadness cumulated in him eating ice cream and watching reruns of Doctor Sexy, that was nobody’s business but his.

It wasn’t like he and Cas were dating, he realized that. But it sure as hell felt like it sometimes. He had spent more time with Cas in the last week than he spent with some of his exes in a month. Something about the other man drew him in and made him want to monopolize all his time, for fear that one day he would get tired of Dean and then he’d been alone again.

Okay, yes, that sounded pathetic, but it had happened before. Cassie, his first real long term relationship, had broken up with him because she found him ‘boring’ and his interests ‘childish’. Even if she was right, the breakup hurt like a bitch because Dean genuinely thought they had a good thing going. He didn’t even have a ‘thing’ with Cas at all to be upset about though.

As Doctor Sexy pushed one of his interns into the wall and confessed his feelings for her, Dean wished suddenly he had more courage so that maybe it would be him on a date tonight with Cas instead of some undoubtedly cool guy who was going to swoop his friend off his feet.

He also kind of wanted some cowboy boots, too.

\--

Castiel wanted the Earth to swallow him up whole right now. Preferably after setting him on fire, just so he could get out of this date quicker.

Crowley, as it turned out, decided that ‘no’ translated into ‘maybe, try to convince me more’. Castiel had to bat off a wandering hand up his thigh three times in the last half hour, not to mention the British man’s repeated offer of a ‘deal’ that Castiel was almost positive would lead to minor prostitution on his part.

Needless to say, he had already sent several angry texts to his sister in a range of colorful threats.

The worst part of his train wreck of an evening was that he knew that he could’ve been watching some semi-overrated 80’s movies with Dean and having a great time. And if he tried hard enough, Castiel could have even pretended it was a date.

Instead, he was at some crappy Italian place that he couldn’t even eat anything but the salad (which, once he took out all the things he couldn’t eat, was really more of a bowl of lettuce with wrinkled cherry tomatoes and limp carrots) because Crowley had ‘forgotten’ he was a vegan.

“So love, tell me. How do you feel about memory foam mattresses? Because I’m positive mine would love to remember you.” Crowley’s gross attempt at a pickup line made Castiel baby vomit in his mouth, but he managed to choke up a basic “My mattress is just fine, thank you.” before shoving more wilting lettuce in his mouth.

Crowley suddenly sighed. “Look. I realize this date sucks, alright? But I made a deal with your brother,” The mention of Gabriel set off alarm bells in Castiel’s head. Gabriel, while well meaning, never knew how to help without making his siblings want to strangle him.

“A deal for what?” Castiel gritted out, stabbing a fork into his salad angrily.

“After he found out we were going out, he asked me to make this date as awful as I could in exchange for… well, you probably don’t want to know, but let me assure you, it was well worth it.” Crowley said, waving his hand dismissively as he took another bite of his spaghetti and meatballs that he ordered with extra meatballs. Castiel now realized this was just to make him angrier.

“You’re telling me that my brother paid you… to piss me off?” Out of all of Gabriel’s schemes, Castiel understood this one the least. His brother was always encouraging him to ‘get some dick’ and now that he had the opportunity, Gabriel was sabotaging it?

Crowley just shrugged. “Pretty much. Don’t ask me why, I didn’t care to ask. And while I was enjoying seeing your face get progressively redder, it’s becoming dull for me. Unless my personality tickles your fancy and in that case…” The man wiggled his eyebrows lewdly, making Castiel roll his eyes.

“No, not even in the slightest. I think it’s best if I just go then.” Castiel stood up and fished a twenty out of his wallet, throwing on the table.

Crowley didn’t bother to stop eating as he looked up at his now retreating date. “Alright then. Make sure to tell your brother what an awful date I was.” Crowley shoved two meatballs into his mouth and winked at Castiel.

Shuddering, Castiel just walked as fast as he could to get the hell out of the restaurant. The baby vomit was planning on turning into full adult vomit soon.

\--

_ Friday, Dec. 2, 9:31 PM _

**_lollipopasphyxiation,_ ** _New PM! from: **thursdayschild**_

[9:31] **thursdayschild:** What the actual fuck Gabriel.

[9:31] **lollipopasphyxiation:** ohhh baby bro cursing wat did i do

[9:32] **thursdayschild:** You bribed Crowley to bomb our date!

[9:32] **lollipopasphyxiation:** damn it that crumpet eating bastard

[9:32] **thursdayschild:** Why would you do that?

[9:33] **lollipopasphyxiation:** look i know u r pining over pie

[9:33] **thursdayschild:** I am not pining!

[9:34] **lollipopasphyxiation:** i also know u know him in real life

[9:36] **thursdayschild:** ...what?

[9:37] **lollipopasphyxiation:** moose mentioned his bro hanging out w/ someone named castiel a lot how many other guys in lawrence do u think have that name?

[9:37] **thursdayschild:** Please don’t tell anyone else.

[9:38] **lollipopasphyxiation:** do u think im stupid im not gonna do that

[9:38] **lollipopasphyxiation:** but moose also mentioned his brother being moony eyed over u

[9:39] **thursdayschild:** What? No he didn’t.

[9:40] **lollipopasphyxiation:** he did so its stupid of u to go out w/ crowley when u obvs like this pie guy so just ask him out already

[9:40] **thursdayschild:** But…

[9:41] **lollipopasphyxiation:** r u seriously having a big gay freakout NOW?

[9:41] **thursdayschild:** What if he says no?

[9:42] **lollipopasphyxiation:** r u really worried abt that?

[9:42] **thursdayschild:** If you saw him, you would be too.

[9:44] **lollipopasphyxiation:** look i dont say this to my siblings often but u r 1 sexy motherfucker ok? so imma come over and make u look like the hot piece of ass u r and ur gonna call him over and seduce the fuck outta him

[9:45] **thursdayschild:** Do you really think I could?

[9:46] **lollipopasphyxiation:** if i wasnt so hetro and ur brother u could probs seduce me

[9:46] **thursdayschild:** That’s weird Gabriel.

[9:47] **lollipopasphyxiation:** weird is my middle name

[9:47] **thursdayschild:** Your middle name is Loki.

[9:48] **lollipopasphyxiation:** first thing on the list is to work on ur humor i see

\---

“Gabriel! I am _not_ wearing these pants!” Castiel yelled as he flopped around on his bed, struggling with his older brother to fight off the impending doom of tight leather pants.

“Cassie, these make your ass look great! Now stop fucking fighting!” Gabriel said, straddling his brother’s body as he tried to ward off Castiel’s flailing hands. Underneath him, Castiel only glared harder.

“You know, if someone came in right now, they would think something awful of us.” Castiel pointed out, as he was pantless and Gabriel had somehow managed to pin his arms to his bed. Gabriel just shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone thought our family was one big ol’ incestuous bunch. Remember when everyone thought Mikey and Luce were banging? Actually, I still kinda think that. Mike visits him way too often.”

Castiel shuddered. “That’s gross. True, but still gross. Come on Gabriel, Dean will know something is up if I suddenly have on leather pants and a muscle shirt.” He said, beginning to struggle again.

“Isn’t that- I swear to every god available, if you knee me in the balls, I will end you- the whole point? To have him get something up?” Gabriel said, still managing to hold Castiel in place despite their sizable height difference. If Castiel wasn’t currently being held down, he might have been impressed.  

“Not like this! Just pick something else. Anything else, and I’ll promise I’ll wear it.” Castiel sighed, admitting defeat. Immediately, he began to regret that choice.

“Anything, you say?” Gabriel’s eyebrow were now about as far up his face as they could get without joining his shaggy hair. “I mean, with in reason!” Castiel amended hurriedly, quickly realizing his mistake.

“Nope, too late! I have the perfect thing. If you don’t have your dick in his ass tonight, I’ll let you do things your painfully pathetic way.” Gabriel said, hopping off of his brother. He stood beside the bed, suddenly looking thoughtful. “Or the other way around, I don’t judge. You kind of have the whole twinky vibe going down if you don’t talk.”

“ _GABRIEL_!”

“Sorry, sorry. Get ready for the gay ball Cinderella, we’re gonna make you look fabulous!”

\--

_ Saturday, Dec.3, 12:10 AM _

**_pieandpage,_ ** _New PM! from: **thursdayschild**_

[12:10] **thursdayschild:** Dean, would you mind coming over tonight? We could watch those movies you wanted.

[12:11] **pieandpage:** ...i thought you had a date?

[12:11] **thursdayschild:** It didn’t go so well and I’d really like some company.

[12:12] **pieandpage:** alright i guess i could come over. its a little late for you though isnt it?

[12:12] **thursdayschild:** The dark is better for movies, right?

[12:14] **pieandpage:** ...yeah. you sure youre ok?

[12:14] **thursdayschild:** Better than okay. See you soon, Dean ;)

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so turns out becoming an adult means getting a job. stupid, i know. the last month has been insane but i think i finally know how to manage things better, so sorry for this chapter both taking a long ass time and being kinda short. i am excited to write the next chapter though and i have a three day weekend to do it so that should be up soonish unless life hates me again.
> 
> tell me what you think of this one? i love writing gabriel honestly, so expect more of him.


	12. Cakes and Circle Jerks

Castiel might’ve been a little drunk. Okay, maybe more than a little. It was all Gabriel’s fault really. He was so nervous at the prospect of Dean rejecting him and never speaking to him again that he had to have something to soothe his nerves. And if one shot turned into four or five (he also might’ve lost count), then he wasn’t to blame.

On the plus side, he was now incredibly confident in his abilities to woo one Dean Winchester. If he didn’t have Dean’s dick in his mouth by sunrise, he would be seriously surprised.

In the process of waiting for Dean, Castiel had a brilliant idea: bake a cake. Because who could turn down a blowjob _and_ cake? No one, that’s who. Except for maybe Hitler and Castiel was pretty sure Dean wasn’t Hitler. Pretty sure.

With his plan in motion, Castiel began to layout the ingredients for his cake. First step: turn the oven on. Dean would probably be there soon, he figured, so he set it to ‘oven cleaner’ just to get the maximum effectiveness.

After that, he remembered that he had absolutely no idea how to bake a cake and had no mix around.

“Okay, so. Uh, usually it’s milk, eggs, and flour…” Castiel mumbled to himself as he shuffled around his kitchen, pulling out the ingredients as he went. “Sugar too!” He exclaimed,yanking the bag out of his cabinet and causing a little bit of it to fly everywhere.

He had no idea what measurements to use, so he began to dump flour and sugar in until it looked like enough to make a cake. He then cracked four eggs into the mix, letting a little shell seep in too. _‘More protein’_ , he thought to himself.

Castiel had no idea what flavor this cake would be, but he figured Dean would like chocolate cake well enough so he grabbed one of Gabriel’s many bars of chocolate that he had laying around and threw that in too. Finally, he poured half his carton of milk into the concoction and figured his was ready to mix it all.

He grabbed a spoon and began to whisk like he saw Amy Adams do in _Julie & Julia_ (and then he remembered how much he loved Amy Adams, which set him back five minutes). The end result of his efforts was a chunky, runny, not really brown mix that Castiel figured was good enough. He didn’t think he had any cake pans, so he just threw his plastic mixing bowl into the oven and hoped for the best.

Dean was going to love his cake.

\--

The first thing Dean noticed as he approached Cas’ apartment was the strong smell of wrong. It smelled like someone had taken chocolate and lit it on fire with plastic.

The next thing he noticed was the smoke. Coming from under Cas’ door.

“Shit! Cas! Are you in there?!” Dean shouted as he ran to his friend’s door and began to bang on it.

After a few seconds, Cas opened the door and leaned against the frame. His clothes, which seemed to be very tight skinny jeans and a shirt with a neckline that appeared to be straining to touch his navel, were ruffled and his face had what looked like flour all across it. “Hey Dean. Please ignore the smoke behind me, I just think my oven is slightly on fire.”

Dean was flabbergasted. He didn’t know if he was more impressed at Cas’ complete lack of personal safety or how he was able to speak without slurring his words when he was very obviously drunk.

“Slightly on fire? How is it slightly on fire?” Dean asked slowly, pulling Cas out of his apartment, which was now rapidly filling with smoke.

“Well…” Cas drawled out, “I looked in the window thingy and I can see flames inside, but I can’t open it. Turns out, if you set your oven to oven cleaner, you can’t open it until it’s done. I think that’s silly and we should tell Obama.”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Dean said, shaking his head. “Cas, I’mma go pull the fire alarm. You.. stay here and don’t set any more ovens on fire.”

“Will do, gorgeous.” Cas said, giving Dean what he guess was supposed to be a wink. It looked more like Cas had a nervous face spasm.

As Dean pulled the apartment’s fire alarm, setting the building alive with the sound of a very loud whirring alarm and red lights, he wondered what the hell was up with Cas. He had never seen the other man so plastered, and definitely had never been called gorgeous by him. It was almost as if he was trying to flirt. Had the idea not been so ridiculous, Dean might’ve believed it.

At this point, Dean figured he should probably alert the fire department, seeing as now everyone was leaving their apartments and looking pretty pissed. They’d probably be upset if they burnt to death too.

“Hey Dean?” Castiel called over, snapping Dean out of his thoughts. “Yeah, Cas?” He called back, leaning against the wall.

“Does this mean no cake and blowjobs tonight?” His friend asked, tilting his head to the side. He would have looked so innocent if he hadn’t just asked about blowjobs.

“Um. No?” Dean wasn’t sure how he was supposed to answer that, but he knew that there was definitely not going to be any of either happening now.

“Oh. Gabriel will be so disappointed.” Cas sighed.

Instead of wondering about the absolute wrongness of that statement, Dean pulled out his phone.

“Yeah, 911? My friend’s apartment is slightly on fire.”

\---

Castiel hadn’t woken up with such a headache since his 16th birthday, when Gabriel had convinced him to loosen up and try his first drink. He was still banned from every Plucky Pennywhistle's Magic Menagerie in Kansas.

Sitting up, he realized he was not in his own bed, safely at home. Instead, he appeared to be in teenager’s room from the 1980’s, based on all the classic rock memorabilia on the walls.

If he had fucked a trucker with a mullet, he was going to be _so_ pissed.

As he debated the quickest way to escape and briefly questioned why he smelled like a failed bakery, Dean came into the room. “Oh hey, you’re awake.”

_‘Oh. Oh dear.’_

If Dean was here, that meant this was probably Dean’s room and that meant.

Well, he hoped that meant something good.

“Dean? Lovely room you have here, would you mind telling me what I’m doing in it?” Castiel asked, sitting back down onto Dean’s bed.

“Well, your place is extra crispy right now and when I called Gabriel, he said he was busy with a Rihanna look-a-like and a bottle of strawberry syrup, so if you weren’t dead, he’d call tomorrow and then hung up. So I brought you back here.” Dean said, walking around to Castiel’s side of the bed.

“Here,” He pointed to a glass of slightly murky water and two small pills. “I left you water and some aspirin. I was going to make you toast, but I figured that be kinda insensitive considering.”

“Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean my apartment is ‘extra crispy’?” Castiel knew his voice was a decibel higher than usual and he had unironically used air quotes, but he really didn’t care right now.

Dean just looked at him strangely. “Do you not remember last night?” He asked, sitting beside Castiel on the bed.

“No I don’t remember last night!” Castiel exclaimed, turning to Dean with wide worried eyes. Dean rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.

“Dude, you got drunk and apparently tried to bake a cake. You set your oven to fucking ‘oven cleaner’ for some reason and put a plastic bowl in there. You didn’t do any real damage to anything but your kitchen, but your place is hella smokey and the firefighters don’t want you in there for at least a week. Also, your landlord is pissed.”

Castiel sat there stunned. He remembered getting drunk and remembered wanting to bake a cake, but after that everything was a big blur.

“That is… really embarrassing. I’m really sorry, Dean.” Castiel said, putting his face in his hands. Having Dean see him set his place on fire and see his awful cooking skills all in one go was not how he envisioned last night. There was significantly less fire and significantly more dicks.

Dean just shrugged. “‘s cool man. I managed to convince a firefighter to rescue your laptop and your guinea pig. By the way, I don’t think it likes me. Keeps staring at me and when I tried to pet it, it bit me.”

“Uriel is a bit unpleasant sometimes, yes. I’m sorry he bit you, he doesn’t like new people very much.” Castiel grabbed the pills and water off the dresser and swallowed both in one go, draining the water as well. “Also, not to worry you, but I think your water may contain mud.” He sat the glass down, grimacing.

Dean laughed, standing up. “Yeah, probably does. I like to think it builds character though.” He yawned and stretched, causing his shirt to raise up some. Castiel absolutely did not drool at the site of his very nice looking abs.

“I’mma catch some more z’s out in the living room. Make yourself comfy, you can borrow some clothes if you can find any that’re clean.” Dean said as he headed for the door. Castiel felt really bad, he had not only made Dean spend his night dealing with his sloppy drunkard self, but now he was kicking him out of his own room. On a scale of 0 to Robin Thicke, he was scoring at least a Kanye West in terms of douchebags.

“Dean, I can take the couch, really. You’ve done enough already.” Castiel wobbly stood back up.

“Sit down, you can't even make it to my living room. It’s fine, I actually really like my couch. Besides, what are friends for?” Dean flashed him a resolve melting smile and left the room.

“Yeah, 'friends.” Castiel huffed, plopping back down onto the bed. He didn't know what was worse, the fact that Dean probably would never see him as anything other than a friend, or the fact that he kept using air quotes. 

\--

_ Saturday, Dec.3, 11:35 AM _

**_pieandpage_ ** _, New PM! from: **lollipopasphyxiation**_

[11:35] **lollipopasphyxiation** : so is my brother alive

[11:35] **pieandpage** : what???

[11:36] **lollipopasphyxiation** : i know who u r idiot. now is my brother ok

[11:38] **pieandpage** : um, yeah, hes fine. did cas tell you or?

[11:38] **lollipopasphyxiation** : no im just not an idiot like every1 else

[11:38] **lollipopasphyxiation** : should i come pick him up

[11:39] **pieandpage** : hes sleeping right now i think. i left him alone in my room so idk if he wants you to come get him or not. you should probably call him

[11:39] **lollipopasphyxiation** : again im not an idiot i tried that already he didnt answer

[11:41] **pieandpage** : oh. i can tell him to call you?

[11:41] **lollipopasphyxiation** : nah hes probs pissed at me anyway. not like i told him to get shitfaced tho

[11:42] **pieandpage** : yeah, is he ok? he asked me to come over and then i show up and hes pissy drunk with a burning apartment

[11:42] **lollipopasphyxiation** : i got the brains looks and charms in the family cassie was unfortunately left w/ awkwardness & a knack 4 bad decisions

[11:43] **pieandpage** : that literally told me nothing

[11:43] **lollipopasphyxiation** : i know hell come around eventually. anyhow u 2 crazy kids have fun ill check in l8r

 **_lollipopasphyxiation_ ** _has left the chat_

\--

Dean woke up pretty confused. See, he usually didn’t open his eyes to see his massive excuse for a ‘little’ brother standing over him and smirking. It was unsettling and no man should have to wake up like that. Just another thing to complain to Obama about.

“Is there something you want or did I interrupt something? Cause if you’re gonna jack off over a guy, I’d like a little warning.” Dean grumbled, slinging one arm over his eyes.

“Oh no. I just came in and didn’t see your fatass on the couch since you kinda blend into the cushions. So I went back into your room and noticed Cas back there. With no shirt or pants on. Laying in your bed. You know, most people like to cuddle afterwards.” Sam said with all the smugness he could muster.

In response, his brother just flipped him off.

“We didn’t do anything asshole. His apartment caught on fire so I brought him back here. He’s detoxing after a fun night of solo drinking. Now go the fuck away.” Dean could still feel his brother's smugness radiating off of him, even after his explanation.

“Yeah, okay. Very friendly thing for you to do. Really. When you friend propose to him and get platonically married, can I be the best man?”

Sam was seeing a lot of his brother’s middle finger today.

“Look, leave it alone, alright? We aren’t like that.” Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room changed from asshole little brother to asshole little brother who wants to pretend he’s Dr. Phil. Dean hated both.

“This isn’t because of thursday, is it? I know you two are really close, but it’s just online. Cas is a really good guy who you actually know. Don’t ruin something good for a fantasy.” Sam sounded so concerned that Dean would’ve laughed if it wouldn’t have pissed Sam off.

“Trust me, it’s not because of thursday. Butt out of my love life, okay?” Even with his eyes closed, Dean could see Sam’s bitch face clear as day.

“Fine. But don’t complain to me when you’re fat, lonely, and jerking off to Kansas every day.” Dean just snorted.

“Hell, I do that now. Come on, put on ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ and we can circle jerk.” Dean said, thrusting his hips into the air.

Even as he hit the floor from Sam shoving him off the couch in disgust, Dean figured it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I'm an awful person. This is the first day in a month I've had enough free time and energy to write something. I really do not like this whole 'responsible member of society' thing.
> 
> On the plus side, I'm giving you two chapters today. The second one will be up soon. 
> 
> This is proofread in the slightest btw, so if you see any mistakes, tell me. I actually probably do need a beta, oops. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter and don't completely hate me!


	13. Side Characters and Sex Gods pt. 1

_ Saturday, Dec.3, 1:21 PM _

Current Users:

**_queenofmoondor_ **

**_101knives_ **

**_drbadass_ **

 

[1:35] **queenofmoondor** : has anyone else noticed that it’s been really quiet in here that last couple of days?

[1:36] **101knives** : yeah, i know. pie and thursday have been nonexistent and everytime moose and cali come on, i feel like i’m in middle school again

[1:36] **drbadass** : i feed off their awkwardness

[1:36] **drbadass** : makes my mullet bigger

[1:37] **101knives** : it’s true, it grows at least an inch for every ellipsis they put

[1:37] **queenofmoondor** : dudes… are we the supporting characters?!

[1:37] **101knives** : what??

[1:38] **queenofmoondor** : think about it! everyone is having all this drama and we’re just… here.

[1:38] **101knives** : i mean. i guess. but we do stuff too!

[1:39] **queenofmoondor** : like talk about pie and thursday’s UST or how adorkable cali and moose are or just their drama in general?

[1:40] **101knives** : ...shit

[1:40] **drbadass** : hell ya supporting characters get all the fun stuff at half the drama

[1:41] **queenofmoondor** : i’m a freaking QUEEN, i refuse to be the quirky sidekick!

[1:42] **101knives** : what, so you want to make up drama for us? seems desperate.

[1:42] **queenofmoondor** : i /am/ desperate. i’m 21 and spend 90% of my time talking to people i don’t know.

[1:43] **101knives** : good point. alright, what do we do?

[1:43] **queenofmoondor** : i don’t know actually, i’ve never had drama before. we need like a… drama DM.

**_hellinleather_ ** _has now joined the chat._

[1:44] **queenofmoondor** : wow. speak of the actual devil.

[1:44] **hellinleather** : were you all talking about me? i’m flattered.

[1:45] **101knives** : kind of. we figured out we’ve become the supporting cast somehow.

[1:45] **queenofmoondor** : so we need something interesting to change that.

[1:46] **hellinleather** : you know, anytime there’s a really shitty idea, it’s somehow you two behind it. but i always get to laugh when it blows up in your face, so i’ll do it.

[1:47] **queenofmoondor** : thanks, i think. anyhow, what should we do?

[1:47] **101knives** : something good too. something that would get us talked about for a change.

[1:48] **drbadass** : count me out i like not being talked about

[1:48] **hellinleather** : hm. well. i do have ONE thing…

[1:49] **101knives** : and???

[1:49] **hellinleather** : start an online relationship.

[1:50] **queenofmoondor** : with who??

[1:50] **hellinleather** : each other, you idiots!

[1:51] **101knives** : wait wait wait, so you want us to meet up?

[1:52] **hellinleather** : i do believe i said ‘online’, so no tweedle dum. you two just have to pretend to have fallen in love behind the cameras and now are pursuing a virtual relationship, a la 2003.

[1:52] **queenofmoondor** : that… actually is a good idea.

[1:53] **101knives** : i’m down if you’re down

[1:53] **queenofmoondor** : i’m in snookums

[1:54] **101knives** : even in a pretend relationship, i refused to be called that

[1:54] **queenofmoondor** : finneeeee

[1:55] **hellinleather** : wow. every day i’m surprised by the stupidity of the people in the group.

[1:56] **101knives** : yeah yeah yeah, you’re no prize either sweetcheeks

[1:57] **hellinleather** : i know ;) let me know when this inevitably turns into a shit storm, ‘kay?

**_hellinleather_ ** _has left the chat_

[1:58] **queenofmoondor** : alright, operation fake lady love is a go!

[1:58] **101knives** : we are not calling it that

[1:59] **queenofmoondor** : and the nagging starts.

**_calismurfette_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[2:01] **calismurfette** : hey guys :)

[2:01] **queenofmoondor** : hey!

[2:01] **101knives** : hi cali

[2:02] **drbadass** : sup

[2:02] **calismurfette** : soooo what’s up?

[2:03] **queenofmoondor** : not much on my end. i have a raid with badass at 3. we’re finally getting me that armor i’ve been eyeing

[2:03] **drbadass** : fuck yea

[2:04] **101knives** : i’m starting to think you like that game more than me

[2:04] **queenofmoondor** : nope, never :)

[2:05] **calismurfette** : haha, alright then… what about you knives?

[2:06] **101knives** : probably just gonna watch crap on netflix until i can get my girlfriend back from virtual neverland

[2:06] **queenofmoondor** : i /would/ look hot in peter pan tights ;)

[2:07] **calismurfette** :.....

[2:07] **calismurfette** : ...girlfriend?

[2:08] **queenofmoondor** : yeah, knives and i are dating now.

[2:08] **calismurfette** : WHAT?!

[2:08] **calismurfette** : when did this happen?!

[2:09] **101knives** : few days ago

[2:10] **queenofmoondor** : yeah. since no one has been on lately, we’ve been PMing a lot and just realized we clicked :)

[2:11] **calismurfette** : so you guys have.. met?

[2:11] **101knives** : nope

[2:12] **queenofmoondor** : we’re purely on the interwebs

[2:12] **calismurfette** : that’s… huh.

[2:13] **calismurfette** : well, um, congrats!

[2:13] **queenofmoondor** : thanks :)

[2:14] **calismurfette** : i have to go wash my hair, it’s super dirty, so uh, ttyl!

**_calismurfette_ ** _has left the chat_

[2:15] **queenofmoondor** : Mission fake lady love has officially begun

[2:15] **101knives** : we. are. not. calling. it. that.

[2:16] **queenofmoondor** : you never let me do anything :(

\--

_ Saturday, Dec. 3, 2:16 PM _

 

**_mooseantlers_ ** _, New PM! from: **calismurfette**_

 

[2:16] **calismurfette** : KNIVES AND QUEEN ARE DATING AHHHH

[2:17] **mooseantlers** : WHAT?!?!

[2:17] **calismurfette** : I KNOOOOWWWWWWW

[2:18] **mooseantlers** : like, real life dating?!

[2:18] **calismurfette** : no, just through the internet!

[2:19] **mooseantlers** : ...but they live in the same city.

[2:20] **calismurfette** : i know! if you like someone enough to date them and you live in the same city, it seems stupid not to meet up!

[2:20] **mooseantlers** : ...you know, you’re right.

[2:21] **calismurfette** : i know i’m right, why did i get the dots?

[2:22] **mooseantlers** : cali, we go to the same college and well… i don’t know about you, but i really like you. so why don’t we, you know, meet up?

[2:23] **calismurfette** : oh.

[2:23] **calismurfette** : well this is not how i imagined this conversation turning out.

[2:24] **mooseantlers** : is that a no?

[2:25] **calismurfette** : that’s a let me think about this

[2:27] **mooseantlers** : okay, how about this. we know we’re in one class together. i’ll wear a red flannel shirt on monday and sit in the very back. if you want, you can sit next to me and we can take things from there. if not, i’ll understand.

[2:29] **calismurfette** : ok. i can do that. i’m gonna go now cause this feels kinda awkward at this point.

[2:30] **mooseantlers** : alright. see you, cali :)

**_calismurfette_ ** _has left the chat_

\--

 Jess was dreading heading into her Intro to Psych class that day, even more than usual. It wasn’t that she didn’t like moose, she really, really did, but she was afraid he wouldn’t live up to the image in her head. With her luck, he’d be the brony with the neckbeard and fedora who sat behind her and sniffed her hair when he thought she wouldn’t notice. She shuddered at the thought.

As she stood outside the front of the classroom, she took a deep breath. She had to go in now or she’d be late and Azazel would give her that weird stare that made her feel like he was trying to burn her alive or something.

So she put on her big girl panties and marched into the classroom. Azazel, thankfully, wasn’t there yet and the class was about half full already. Jess scanned the back row, which was usually empty because you couldn’t hear anything back there so she really hoped Azazel wasn’t covering anything important today. Her eyes finally landed on a very gorgeous guy with shaggy hair wearing a red flannel shirt.

“Dear sex gods, if you have ever wanted me to get laid, please, oh please, let this be moose.” Jess pleaded under her breath as she walked to the back row where red flannel guy was sitting.

“Moose?” She asked hesitantly once she reached him.

“Cali?” He asked, looking up at her hopefully. Inside of her head, Jess was doing the biggest victory dance of life and patted herself on the back for making the wise decision to wear her nice underwear today.

“I prefer Jess.” She stuck out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Sam.” Moose- _Sam_ \- said, shaking her hand. “Nice to finally meet you too.” He flipped a piece of his hair out of his face and gestured to the seat next to him. “Sit, sit, please.”

Jess grinned. Sex gods definitely came through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a 2 parter because if i included what i want to into this chapter, it would get really long and you wouldn't have gotten a chapter at all tonight. 
> 
> but i thought i'd give everyone else some airtime too. destiel needs a break from all the UST ;)
> 
> tell me what you think!


	14. Side Characters and Sex Gods pt. 2

Sharing a place with Castiel turned out to be surprisingly easy. After he spent all of Sunday moping and glaring at all the boxes of cake mix in the apartment, Cas seemed resigned to his fate of staying with Dean, if only for a little while.

That made Dean happier than it should have. He didn’t even mind Sam’s teasing anymore, especially since he was too busy walking around in a giddy haze half the time. He didn’t know what happened on Monday to make his younger brother turn into mush brain sometimes, but Dean wasn’t exactly going to complain. It was blackmail material, after all.

In all, things were going well. Things in the chat were going well now that he and Cas had more time to spend in it. It was weird at first getting used to the idea of queen and knives dating, but he was happy for them. Besides, it took some of the attention off of him and Cas, which was nice.

It wasn’t until, ironically, Thursday rolled around that shit starting hitting the fan.

Dean and Cas were locked in a very intense battle of Mario Kart (in which Dean was very much kicking ass until Cas got a blue shell and a Bullet back to back) when someone began knocking at the door urgently.

As Cas finished rolling over the finish line, smirking smugly all the while, he looked at Dean pointedly. “Winners don’t answer doors.” His serious looking face made Dean want to laugh and destroy him horribly at Mario Kart all at the same time.

“Yeah, yeah. Remember who cooks the meals in here asshole, I have a stash of rat poison and a brother for an alibi.” Dean grumbled as he walked over to the door. He figured it was probably just Sam who had forgotten his spare key again.

Instead, Dean opened the door to a man his height who was most definitely not Sam. Before he can get a word out, like ‘Who the hell are you?’ and ‘Why is your v-neck so damn low?’, the guy interrupted him.

“Ah, so you’re the little tart my dear Cassie has been shacking up with. Well. He always was a sucker for the twinkier looking ones.” The man drawled out in a British accent.

_Twink?_

If Dean wasn’t ready to punch him in the face for having the audacity to wear a shirt that was barely covering his nipples, he sure as hell was willing to for calling him a damn _twink_.

“Yo, crumpets, who the actual fuck are you and why are you on my doorstep?” Dean gritted out instead. Maybe the stupid calming sleep machine Sam had gotten him last Christmas (“Maybe you’ll be less of an asshole when you wake up. The world can only hope”) was having a bigger effect than he thought.

“Dean, I understand you may be afraid to have your ass-” Cas started as he rounded the corner, most likely wondering what the hell was taking Dean so long to open his door. “Balthazar?” He sounded surprised, but not unhappy as he took in the man in the doorway.

Dean didn’t know why that made him even angrier.

“You know this asshole?” Dean said as the guy- _Balthazar_ , then- said, “What’s this about his ass?” The smirk on his face was far too wide for Dean’s liking.

“Balthazar, what are you doing here? Last I heard, you were in New Zealand.” Cas stepped forward, a small smile on his face. He looked happy to see the British bastard. That made Dean angrier than anything.

Somehow, the name Balthazar seemed vaguely familiar to him. But where did he know that name from?

“Wait, Balthazar? The guy Gabriel used to hear you _fuck_?” Dean spat out, looking incredulously between the two.

Balthazar just laughed. “I was called back to the states for a bit and thought I would stop by and see you. Your brother directed me here to you and your very angry looking boyfriend.”

“We aren’t dating.”

“Damn right I’m angry!”

The two men looked at each other in shock for a moment as Balthazar’s smirk grew impossibly bigger. After a few moments,  Dean rubbed his neck awkwardly and looked away. “I mean, you know. As his not-boyfriend, I’m angry.”

Cas seemed momentarily appeased by Dean’s correction as he simply turned back to Balthazar. “Well, since you’re here, would you like to join us?”

“Hell no!” Dean yelped immediately. It was one thing to have to deal with this guy in his doorstep, but he was not going to have him invade his personal space with his cheap cologne and irritating smirk.

“Cassie, darling, I’d love to, but I’m afraid I have other matters to attend to. However,” Balthazar dug around in his pants pocket- seriously, those jeans were so tight, Dean was surprised his hand could even fit in there- and pulled  out a card. “If you call me, we can meet up.”

Nodding, Cas accepted the card and shoved it into his back pocket. “It was nice seeing you again.” He said with a small, shy smile.

Balthazar grinned and pulled him in for a hug. “You too, love.” With a wink in Dean’s direction, Balthazar pulled back and kissed Cas on the cheek. Dean was suddenly overwhelmed with a strong sense of urgency to make sure no one ever saw this guy again.

“Ciao!” With that, Balthazar walked down the hallway, leaving Dean to slam the door after him like an enraged 13-year-old girl.

“What… was that?” Dean growled out, jerking his thumb at the door he just slammed.

Cas shrugged. “Balthazar is a friend of mine from high school. He travels a lot now, sees the world. I haven’t seen him since we graduated.”

“Friend of yours from high school? Don’t you mean fuck-buddy?” Dean knew he was being childish, he really had no right to be this upset, but the rational side of his brain had clocked out about ten minutes ago and let his jealous, angry side stand in as replacement.

Cas simply narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, stance showing that he really wasn’t in the mood for Dean’s bullshit. Dean only wished his jealous side cared about that. “Does it matter, Dean? Yes, we had sex. Back in high school. I hardly see how that’s relevant now.”

“Well I’m sorry if I don’t want every guy that’s had their dick in you showing up at my door!”

As soon as the words slipped out of Dean’s mouth, he knew he was fucked. And not in the fun way he wanted to be fucked either.

“What exactly is your problem here, Dean? Is it because he’s a male?” Cas said, sounded vaguely hurt and not so vaguely pissed off.

“Fuck you, man. You know that’s not it.” Dean of all people definitely wasn’t a homophobe and the fact that Cas was basically accusing him of being one rubbed him the wrong way.

“Look, I’ll tell Balthazar to not show up unannounced again. I hadn’t realized you would act like such a child about this though.”

“Oh, _I’m_ acting like a child? At least I’m not making goo-goo eyes at a guy who hasn’t paid me any attention since I had my cock in him in _high school_! Next time, I’ll remember that you’re obviously still in your pathetic school boy crush phase and won’t bother sticking around to watch the train wreck.” Cas went eerily still as Dean finished and at once, Dean knew he had gone too far.

“You know what? I’m going to go. Call me when you’ve decided to act like less of an… assbutt!” Cas spat out, yanking open the door and slamming it behind him.

Dean groaned. He knew he had just fucked up, worse than when he had tried to pick a fight with a bunch of truckers in Ellen’s bar. He’d prefer the two black eyes he got that night over the feeling of guilt he had right now.

The thing was, he wasn’t sure why he was so angry. Objectively, he knew he felt something more for Cas than friendly feelings. He’d had to be even more emotionally stunted than he already was not to notice that. And yeah, okay, he might have had a tiny problem with jealousy.

But that was with girlfriends. People that he was actively dating. People that he actually had a smidgen of right to get jealous over. Cas wasn’t anything but a good friend to him.

The worst part was that there was no chance of changing that. Cas was smart- like, really smart. Even though he was a kindergarten teacher, he could easily be a college professor one day if he wanted. He knew so much about so many topics and was still so humble about things. Not to mention kind and warm and-

Yeah, Dean was so far beneath him, he might as well be a mole person.

Sighing, Dean walked back over to the couch and plopped down. He wasn’t sure what to do at this point. Usually, when he pissed off a girl he dating, he just got her some flowers and took her out to a nice dinner. Half the time, he wasn’t even really sorry, he just really liked make-up sex.

Cas was different, though. Way different. And Dean was pretty sure if he sent Cas flowers, he’d get them shoved up the new asshole Cas tore into him.

No, what he needed was someone who was used to being sappy.

After checking the time, Dean pulled out his phone and dialed the only person he knew who could get the job done.

“Yeah, Sammy? I need your help.”

\---

Sam didn’t like hiding things from his brother. Even still, somehow he was still the better liar out of the two. While Dean always looked like a little kid caught grabbing an extra cookie when he lied, Sam managed to keep an effortlessly easy face through it.

Besides making him a damn good law student, he always racked up in poker, too.

Despite his qualms about lying outside of a card game, Sam knew that he had to hide his budding relationship with Jess.

Ever since their meeting, they’d been hanging out a lot more (and having a lot of sex, but that was besides the point). He really, really liked her, and even if they weren’t officially together, Sam could easily see it heading in that direction soon.

Which is why his brother would blow an absolute fit if he found out she was cali. After all of his lectures to Dean about not pursuing thursday, it would look really hypocritical for Sam to do the exact same thing he was preaching against.

He would come clean eventually, of course. Just after he and Jess had been together for a bit so Dean could see it wasn’t some random fling. Besides, once Dean got his head out of his ass and saw how he was completely in love with Cas, he wouldn’t care about him and Jess or thursday for that matter. Sam just had to wait.

In the meantime, he would be the best little brother in the world and push his tutor and older brother together. As if on cue, Sam’s started blaring ‘Heat of the Moment’, his brother’s ringtone.

He had to remind himself to change that.

“What’s up?” Sam said as he picked up the phone.

Listening to his brother beg for help because he spectacularly messed up was both satisfying and extremely annoying. After Dean’s long retelling of how he majorly pissed off Castiel, Sam paused.

“So what you’re saying is that you being an emotionally stunted asshole finally backfired?” He finally said. This time, the pause came from Dean.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Dean said after a moment.

“Look, here’s what we’re going to do. You need to-” Sam advice was cut off by an angry knock at his door. “Oh wait, someone’s here. I’ll have to call you back.

“Wait, Sam! What do I need to do. Sa-” Dean’s pleas were silenced by Sam ending the call. He realized it was a bit rude, but it was funny to see his brother squirm for a bit.

Opening his door revealed a very, very angry looking Castiel.

“Your brother is the most inconsiderate, brutish, patronizing asshole who has ever assholed!” Castiel pratically yelled, storming into Sam’s dorm room.

“Why, hello Castiel, nice to see you too.” Sam rolled his eyes and shut the door. “What happened?” Even if Sam knew pretty much what had happened from Dean’s point of view, he always liked to get both sides of a story. Another check for why Sam was going to make a kickass lawyer someday. 

“My friend from high school showed up and he got mad. At me! Am I not allowed to have a past sexual history? Was I supposed to become virginized?!” Cas said as he paced around the room. “And he is surely one to talk. He has naked women all over his walls and a collection of Busty Asian Babes that would make anyone blush. But yet, I stick my dick in one guy a long time ago, and suddenly it’s a problem!”

Sam winced. He had never seen Castiel this upset nor had he ever heard him say ‘dick’ before. It was like hearing a cute kid curse.

“Alright, well. I’m sure Dean didn’t mean to offend y-”

“That’s just it! He never means to offend, does he? But there he goes, just offending away. I just don’t get it. How does a guy go from dropping his plans to spend Thanksgiving with you to yelling at you for having sex? It’s so… frustrating!” Cas sighed deeply and plopped down on Sam’s roommate Brady’s bed, mostly talking to himself at this point.

Sam was about to try to comfort Castiel again before he realized what he actually said.

“Wait, what do you mean Dean spent Thanksgiving with you?” Sam said slowly.

Castiel’s head snapped up, his expression looking very much like a deer caught in some headlights. “Oh. I- well, not really _spent_ Thanksgiving with me but we texted some. You know. Without spending time together. At all. In fact, what really is Thanksgiving at all? The middle child of the holidays if you ask me.” He rambled, making wild gestures with his hands.

“Castiel… what aren’t you telling me?” Sam stepped forward, eyes narrowed. He hated lying, but Sam hated being lied to even more.

“Sam, before you make any rash judgements, just know this is entirely Dean’s fault and-”

Suddenly, everything clicked in Sam’s mind. Why Dean got along with Castiel so well. How Dean and thursday seemed to be clicking more. Why thursday was on the chat every single time Dean was.

“OH MY _GOD,_ YOU’RE THURSDAY!” Sam yelled, pointing accusingly at Castiel.

“W...what? No… I am definitely not a day of the week.” Castiel said, laughing nervously.

“You are! You are and I didn’t realize it. Oh my god!” Sam didn’t know what to do. On one hand, he wanted to be pissed that his brother had been keeping this from him since most like Thanksgiving. On the other hand, _there was so much blackmail here._

“Sam. I… Dean made me not tell you!” Castiel finally blurted out after the pair had been sitting in silence for a minute.

“You,” Sam pointed down at Castiel, “are coming with me.”

“If you’re going to kill me, at least let me call my sister first. She’s going to be so angry if I don’t tell her I’m being murdered.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to kill you. We’re going to have a talk with Dean. He has some explaining to do.”

\--

Dean was pissed. Doubly pissed, actually. Not only was Cas out there, probably being comforted by some One Direction reject, but his own brother had dropped the ball so hard on helping him.

In all, the night was pretty shitty. Even shittier because he had run all out of his favorite beer and all he had left was Cas’ artisan homebrewed shit that was probably made from hipster tears. Damn it.

He knew he could probably call Cas, leave him a sappy voicemail, maybe even throw an apology in there or two. But damn it, he called Dean an assbutt and that hurt.

As he wrapped the snuggy Sam had gotten him for his birthday around him tighter, he figured if he was such a _child_ to Cas, he was going to go full hog with it.

Halfway through his marathon of Teen Titans (the original cartoon, not the new age shit the kids were watching these days), Dean heard two very familiar voices arguing outside of his door.

“Castiel, if you don’t move, I’m throwing you over my shoulder and going in anyway.”

“That would probably only make the situation worse if we’re being- oh okay, you were not joking.”

A moment later, a very pissed off looking Sam swung open the door with a sheepish looking Cas thrown over his shoulder.

“In advance, I am very sorry.” Cas said solemnly.

Dean’s eyebrows bunched together. How the hell had his brother gone from hanging up on him to barging into his apartment carrying his best friend?”

“Uh hey Sammy, eat a little too much spinach today?”  

“No Dean, I didn’t. Did you eat a little too much _keep giant secrets from your brother today?_ ” Sam retorted.

Dean’s eyes flashed from Cas’ embarrassed expression to Sam’s angry glare a few times before realizing what was going on.

“Aw shit Cas, really? I piss you off and you run to my brother and start exposing stuf?” Dean yelled, jumping up.

“You try going against your very tall brother with no witnesses around to testify on your behalf and see how you do!” Cas yelled back.

“Can we all focus on the fact that you two know each other in real life!” Sam said before pausing. “And focus on how ridiculous Dean looks in the snuggy.”

Making a noise of anger and embarrassment, Dean fumbled out of the offending snuggy before pointing his finger at his brother. “Don’t you start your holier than thou speech with me! I’m allowed to have friends!”

“Yeah, you are, just not ones who we’re supposed to be anonymous with!”

“You already knew him in real life, what does it matter?”

“I’ve said some really embarrassing stuff in that chat. I’ve-” Sam paled and sunk down onto Dean’s couch. “I’ve told you guys about shoe story, I can never look him in the eye again!”

Cas finally looked up from his place by the door. “Knowing you in the chat doesn’t change my real life perception of you. I realize the chat is a private space in which you were inclined to share more personal stories and it would be unbecoming of me if I were to use that against you.”

The brothers both stared at him incredulously.

“We were trying to have a fight here, if you don’t mind.” Dean huffed as he sat back down.

“Yeah, sorry Castiel, that’s our thing. Logic… doesn’t really apply here.” Sam said, shrugging.

Cas just stared at them before sighing. “I’m going to go get a beer and wish I had joined the ‘Bumble Bee Appreciation’ chat instead.”

As Cas walked out of the room, Sam and Dean were holding a staring contest to see who would break first and admit they were wrong.

Dean had just taken his contact out and his eyes were moister than ever. He was set.

In the end, Sam did blink first. “Damn it.” He cursed under his breath before putting on his best ‘I’m really sorry for our collective man pain, let’s talk it out” expression.

“Look Dean, I’m sorry. I just don’t like the fact that you thought you couldn’t trust me with this.”

Dean sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I did trust you, I did. I just.. wanted to keep it a secret for a little while. Just so you wouldn’t think it was like last or something.”

Sam nodded and they both sat in silence for a while before Sam spoke up again. “Since we’re being honest tonight, you should know… I’ve met Cali.”

“Wait, what?” Dean said, jumping up again. “You were giving me shit about meeting Cas and you’ve been having secret meetings with cali?!”

“We just met on Monday!” Sam said, jumping up as well.

“Monday… is that why you looked all happy and blissed out? Oh my god… have you been _having sex with her?!_ ” Dean’s voice hit an impossible pitch, making Sam remain silent for fear of his brother becoming angrier and breaking the sound barrier.

That, apparently, was the wrong thing to do.

“YOU HAVE! Here I am, doing innocent shit with Cas while you’ve been dicking cali down!” Dean yelled, definitely past the ‘let’s talk this out’ stage and steadily approaching the ‘I’m going to cause the neighbors to call the cops’ one.

“It’s not like that Dean, I really like her!”

“You filthy stinking hypocrite! I can’t believe you!” Dean paced the room a bit. “At least I technically knew Cas a bit, you’re just meeting up with people now! She could have been anyone, Sam!”

“Well, you would know.” Sam grumbled under his breath.

Sam was never good at talking under his breath.

“Wow. Get out. Now.” Dean growled, pointing towards the door.

Sam rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He hadn’t meant to offend him brother, but it wasn’t like he was lying. “Look, Dean, I’m sorry. Slipped out.”

“Don’t care. _Out.”_

Sam’s face hardened. “Fine, be that way!”

Cas chose this moment to walk out from the kitchen. “I found hot cocoa! With the tiny little marshmallows! Want me to make you guys some?”

Once again, he found both brother’s staring at him.

“If I’m going, I’m taking Cas with me!” Sam yelled finally, stalking over to the very confused shorter man.

“Wait, what? What did I miss?” Cas’ question went ignored.

“Like hell you are! All his shit is here, so he’s staying here!”

“He’s mad at you, remember?”

“Yeah but he likes me more!”

“This feels very much like all my Christmases as a kid.” Cas sighed to himself. This was going to be a long night.

 --

_ Thursday, Dec. 8, 8:20 PM _

Current Users:

**101knives**

**queenofmoondor**

 

[8:20] **101knives** : you know, this whole dating thing is really paying off. no one has really talked about pie and thursday, cali and moose are doting over us, and everyone seems to get on more.

[8:20] **queenofmoondor:** i know! without all the piesday drama, things are fun again

[8:20] **101knives:** piesday?

[8:21] **queenofmoondor:** it’s their ship name. like spirk or merthur.

[8:21] **101knives:** i can’t believe i’m fake dating such a nerd

[8:22] **queenofmoondor:** you just said that fake dating me was the best thing to ever happen to you so i’m ignoring that last comment.

[8:22] **101knives:** i definitely did not say that

[8:22] **queenofmoondor:** i can read between the lines

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[8:24] **101knives** : sup thursday?

[8:24] **thursdayschild:** Hello queen, hello knives.

[8:25] **queenofmoondor:** what’s going on buddy?

[8:26] **thursdayschild:** Not much. I am looking for a way to pass the time as I’m contained to one room at the moment.

[8:26] **101knives:** wtf? why?

[8:27] **thursdayschild:** My, uh, friend and I got into a fight, so I went to his brother for help which somehow resulted in them getting into a fight, and then they wanted me to both side with them, but I think they are both idiots, so to compromise, I am staying in one room and keeping the air oppressive.

[8:27] **queenofmoondor:** i repeat knives sentiment: wtf? why?

[8:28] **thursdayschild:** Otherwise I would have had to leave with my friend’s brother.

[8:28] **101knives:** and your friend is just okay with you ‘keeping the air oppressive’ at your place?

[8:29] **thursdayschild:** It was his idea.

[8:29] **queenofmoondor:** okayyyyyyy… so this fight with your friend, what was it about?

[8:30] **thursdayschild:** An ex friend of mine that I have had sex with showed up unexpectedly. My friend was… displeased.

[8:30] **101knives:** so he was jealous?

[8:32] **thursdayschild:** ... I don’t think so.

[8:33] **queenofmoondor:** that sounds pretty damn jealous to me

[8:33] **101knives:** yeah, friends don’t freak out over friend’s exes

[8:33] **thursdayschild:** He wasn’t an ex.

[8:34] **101knives:** or ex fuckbuddies

[8:34] **thursdayschild:** Well, it doesn’t matter. In the morning, I’ll talk to him, patch things up.

[8:35] **101knives:** is he single?

[8:35] **queenofmoondor:** better question, is he hot?

[8:36] **thursdayschild:** Should you two really be asking the things seeing as you are both in a relationship… with each other?

[8:36] **101knives:** don’t mean we don’t have eyes

[8:36] **queenofmoondor:** or imaginations ;)

[8:37] **thursdayschild:** I… yes, he is attractive. And as far as I know, single.

[8:37] **queenofmoondor:** i hear the best way to apologize is with blowjobs

[8:38] **thursdayschild:** What?!

[8:38] **101knives:** she’s right. if the UN sucked each other’s dicks, we’d have world peace right now

[8:38] **queenofmoondor:** suck a dick, save a life

[8:39] **thursdayschild:** As far as I know, neither of you even HAVE dicks!

[8:39] **queenofmoondor:** i have strap ons, close enough

[8:40] **thursdayschild:** Is it possible for us to not talk about fellatio?

[8:40] **101knives:** boring, but sure

**b _ayoubrother_** _has now joined the chat_

[8:41] **queenofmoondor** : hey, long time no see bayou :)

[8:41] **bayoubrother** : my life is a shit show

[8:42] **101knives** : hello to you to, nice to have you back

[8:42] **thursdayschild** : Ignore knives, what’s wrong bayou?

[8:43] **bayoubrother** : found out my ex-wife moved on

[8:43] **101knives** : ouch, sorry man

[8:44] **thursdayschild** : I am sure with time you can move on too.

[8:45] **bayoubrother** : oh no, i ain’t mad about that, i’ve been fucking my way through the greater part of this city for weeks now.

[8:46] **thursdayschild** : Oh. So what’s the problem?

[8:46] **bayoubrother** : she’s moved on with my… dad.

[8:48] **queenofmoondor** : wait.

[8:49] **101knives** : HOLDDDD ONNNNNN

[8:49] **101knives** : ARE YOU TELLING ME

[8:49] **101knives** : THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD

[8:49] **101knives** : IS NOW FUCKING SAID CHILD’S GRANDPA???!!!

[8:50] **bayoubrother** : well i wasn’t thinking about them fucking, but i suppose so

[8:52] **thursdayschild** : Wow. I’m… deeply sorry. That’s… wow, that’s really fucked up.

[8:52] **queenofmoondor** : you know it’s bad when thursday sounds like a normal person

[8:53] **bayoubrother** : i feel like i belong on jerry springer or something

[8:53] **queenofmoondor** : i’m sorry dude. like thursday said, that’s fucked up. suck a dick to feel better?

[8:54] **thursdayschild** : Bad queen. No.

[8:55] **bayoubrother** : as… fun as that sounds, imma have to pass.

[8:55] **thursdayschild** : As you should. It’s very hard to cope with a dick down your throat.

[8:55] **101knives** : hey that rhymes!

[8:56] **bayoubrother** : ya’ll are the weirdest group of people i talk to

[8:56] **bayoubrother** : i’m glad to have ya

[8:56] **queenofmoondor** : awww, thanks bayou :)

[8:58] **queenofmoondor** : hey did you guys catch last night’s doctor sexy?

[8:58] **101knives** : i wanna punch that new nurse in the tit.

[8:59] **thursdayschild** : It’s not her fault doctor sexy comes onto anything that breathes

[8:59] **thursdayschild** : I’m still waiting for him to finally man up and get with that head cardiologist. Their sexual tension is tiring.

[9:00] **queenofmoondor** : are you saying he should just suck his dick?

[9:00] **thursdayschild** : I hate you queen.

 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not dead and neither is this fic. i just had a hard time writing it, went through some stuff, had an even harder time writing it, and then suddenly had this revelation which resulted in a bunch of dick jokes. what can i do, i'll take muses in any form. 
> 
> hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (also i actually check my tumblr these days, so if you wanna hit me up, i'm emfmeter.tumblr.com)


	15. Outings and 'Outings'

_ Friday, Dec. 9, 8:32 AM _

**_thursdayschild_ ** _, New PM! from: **pieandpage**_

[8:32] **pieandpage** : you can come out now you know

[8:32] **pieandpage:** if you wanna

[8:33] **thursdayschild:** Are you sure there’s enough tension though? I haven’t even pointedly ignored you while we ate breakfast yet!

[8:34] **pieandpage:** fuck you

[8:34] **thursdayschild:** I’ll be out in a second.

\---

Castiel didn’t know what to expect when he ventured out into the kitchen, but it definitely was not a shirtless Dean Winchester flipping pancakes while subtly dancing to music coming from his laptop.

Not that it wasn’t a _nice_ surprise, just unexpected.

He let himself look at his temporary roommate for a second. It was nice to see Dean so carefree; whenever he hung out with Castiel it always seemed like he was holding a piece of himself back. It was also nice to be able to see him shirtless and be able to drool a little without the other man noticing. It wasn’t as if Castiel would ever be fortunate enough to touch the other man, he may as well get his eye-full in now.

Maybe that was the problem, maybe he was too repressed. He was never one for casual sex, even if his older brother was the biggest whore in Kansas. But relationships didn’t come easy for him either. He didn’t understand most pop culture references, his music tastes were too varied for other people to relate to them, and he genuinely believed in getting to know a person before jumping into anything sex related. Most of his relationships ended because the other person found he was too difficult to be with or he realized the ship was sinking himself and left before they could.

Dean was so different, though. Castiel realized that sounded cliche, but it was true. He never mocked him when he didn’t get a reference, he just explained what he meant and promised to show Castiel whatever movie or TV show he was quoting. Their music tastes somehow matched up, even if Castiel didn’t really care for the heavier aspects of rock and Dean would never _ever_ admit to liking Lady Gaga. It didn’t help that Dean was gorgeous and made Castiel lust after him in a way that he hadn’t since he’d been in high school and had treated sex as a more pleasurable alternative to masturbating.

In the end, Castiel knew he was going to fall for Dean which made everything suck a hundred times worse. So yes, maybe he just needed to find a green eyed stranger in a bar to get his fill and jump this ship while it wouldn’t hurt as much.

After taking another few seconds to look on without venturing into creepy territory, he cleared his throat to announce his presence. Seeing Dean jump and almost drop the pancake pan almost made Castiel wish he’d picked a more creative way to sneak up on him.

“Hey, Cas. Making blueberry pancakes. Except there’s like three blueberries in each pancake because most of ‘em were gross and I had to throw ‘em out,” Dean said as he flipped another pancake. “So it’s more like pancakes with a blueberries in them if you’re lucky.”

Castiel just laughed and sat down at the table.

“So am I allowed to be nice to you or must I pretend I am still upset with you?” Castiel asked, propping his head up with his hand.

Dean glanced back him, a slightly worried smile on his face. “Depends. Are you?”

It took a minute to answer that. On one hand, Castiel was upset Dean had essentially called him a pathetic whore and insulted one of his oldest friends in less than ten minutes. But after cooling down and a good night’s rest, he just couldn’t find it in himself to be truly angry anymore. Dean had done so much for him already, he could excuse a couple of faux pas on his part. They would have to have a talk about Dean keeping his nose out of Castiel’s sexual history, though.

 After a few seconds and a worried glance from Dean, Castiel shook his head. “Not anymore. I still think we should talk about what happened, but I’m over it if you are.”

A sigh of relief rushed out of Dean. “Thank god. I was going to go buy you chocolate or something if you were still mad and let me tell you, you probably would have only gotten half the box and that probably would have pissed you off more.” He joked as he turned off the stove and took the plate full of pancakes over to the table.

“I really am sorry though, Cas.” Dean looked contrite enough, making Castiel feel even better about his decision to forgive him.

“Don’t worry about it. Now, sit. We have sort of blueberry pancakes to eat.” He said, shooting a wide grin at Dean.

“Hell yeah we do. Don’t worry, I used that weird no egg shit and almond milk for these so they’re completely herbivore friendly.” Dean grinned back. For the time since he was forced out of his apartment, Castiel found that he really didn’t want to go home.

That meant he definitely had to leave as soon as possible.

\---

_ Friday, Dec. 9, 12:03 PM _

Current Users:

**_queenofmoondor_ **

**_bayoubrother_ **

**_calismurfette_ **

**_drbadass_ **

 

[12:03] **drbadass** : so ur ex wife is really fuckin ur dad? thats messed up dude

[12:03] **calismurfette** : seriously. i’m really sorry bayou

[12:04] **bayoubrother** : it’s fine guys, thank tho, i appreciate it

[12:04] **queenofmoondor** : i still say fuck her mom

[12:04] **bayoubrother** : and i’m still telling you her mom is in her late 60’s and live in florida

[12:05] **queenofmoondor** : love knows no age

[12:05] **drbadass** : nah man fuck her dad. even the score

[12:06] **bayoubrother** : her dad is dead

[12:06] **drbadass** : im not gonna suggest necrophilia

[12:06] **calismurfette** : don’t you dare add a ‘but’ after that

[12:06] **drbadass** : right necrophilia is bad

[12:07] **queenofmoondor** : have you talked to your dad?

[12:07] **bayoubrother** : nah, we haven’t gotten along since i left home years ago. was mad at me for leaving the family business.

[12:08] **queenofmoondor** : what was the family business?

[12:08] **bayoubrother** : we ran a fishing rig. i wanted to be a phlebotomist and he didn’t think i could do both.

[12:09] **calismurfette** : so you followed your dream and went into phlebotomy? :)

[12:09] **bayoubrother** : nah. got into cooking trying to pay for school and ended up staying with that

[12:10] **drbadass** : hell ya. way better that sucking the blood outta people

[12:11] **queenofmoondor** : either way, your dad is a dick

[12:11] **bayoubrother** : not much i can do about it now. just gotta hope my girl doesn’t get confused

**_mrfizzles_ ** _has now joined the chat_

[12:12] **queenofmoondor** : HOLY SHIT FIZZLES!

[12:12] **calismurfette** : OMG HII!!!!

[12:12] **drbadass** : ayyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[12:12] **bayoubrother** : hey fizzles, long time no see!

[12:13] **mrfizzles** : why thanks guys! i’ve been really busy these last couple of months. i got hitched!

[12:13] **calismurfette** : awwwwwwwwww! congrats!

[12:13] **drbadass** : double ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[12:13] bayoubrother: good for you man, married life is definitely more important that us losers

[12:14] **queenofmoondor** : speak for yourself man, i want details!

[12:14] **mrfizzles** : it’s really great guys. she’s the sweetest gal i’ve ever met, her family is so big and welcoming, and we got a dog!

[12:14] **calismurfette** : that is the cutest thing

[12:15] **queenofmoondor** : i’m so proud of you fizzles! i was a little worried there for a bit. you were always talking about your sock puppet, i thought you’d never meet a real girl. or guy. hell, anyone really.

[12:15] **mrfizzles** : thanks!

[12:15] **mrfizzles** : so what have i missed??

[12:16] **calismurfette** : we have a new guy!

[12:16] **queenofmoondor** : i’m dating knives!

[12:16] **bayoubrother** : i got divorced and my dad is dating my ex wife

[12:16] **drbadass** : i still smoke a lot of weed

[12:17] **mrfizzles** : so not much, awesome!

\---

_ Friday, Dec. 9, 4:34 PM _

_**thursdayschild** , New PM! from: **mooseantlers**_

[4:34] **mooseantlers** : so hey… sorry about yesterday.

[4:35] **thursdayschild** : Which part, picking me up and throwing me over your shoulder? Or maybe when you and your brother decided to play tug of war with my arms and almost dislocating my shoulder? There’s also the part where you made me stay in one room all night?

[4:35] **mooseantlers** : uh, all of it?

[4:36] **thursdayschild** : Then you are forgiven.

[4:36] **mooseantlers** : thanks man. everything okay with you and dean?

[4:36] **thursdayschild** : We have talked and everything has been worked out, yes.

[4:37] **mooseantlers** : good, good. you two are really close, i would’ve hated to mess that up…

[4:37] **thursdayschild** : Well, no worries there. Thanks for your concern though. :)

[4:39] **mooseantlers** : of course. so, i guess you know by now that i’m sorta seeing cali.

[4:40] **thursdayschild** : Yes, Dean told me. How is that going, by the way?

[4:40] **mooseantlers** : really well actually. we have a date scheduled for tomorrow. i really like her, you know?

[4:41] **thursdayschild** : She seems like a lovely person. I’d like to meet her sometime if that would be okay.

[4:41] **mooseantlers** : of course! hey, we should double sometime.

[4:42] **thursdayschild** : ...Like double date?

[4:42] **mooseantlers** : yeah!

[4:43] **thursdayschild** : That would require me to have a date.

[4:44] **mooseantlers** : you could always take dean…

[4:45] **thursdayschild** : That would just be a date for you and Dean and me hanging out.

[4:45] **mooseantlers** : ...right.

[4:46] **thursdayschild** : You dotted me. Why did you dot me?

[4:46] **mooseantlers** : i mean.. you COULD make it a date for you and Dean…

[4:48] **thursdayschild** : Sam. While I appreciate the thought, I assure you Dean does not view me that way.

[4:48] **mooseantlers** : right. well, hey, if you find someone else, you could take them.

[4:49] **thursdayschild** : Maybe. Anyhow, I have to go help Dean make dinner. He’s letting me chop the vegetables! :)

[4:49] **mooseantlers** : of course he is. tell him i said hi.

[4:50] **thursdayschild** : Will do. Talk to you later Sam.

[4:50] **mooseantlers** : later cas.

 

_Friday, Dec. 9, 5:01 PM_  

_**lollipopasphyxiation** , New PM! from: **mooseantlers**_

[5:01] **mooseantlers** : we need to get our brothers together

[5:06] **lollipopasphyxiation** : so u finally figured it out

[5:07] **mooseantlers** : found out yesterday. name’s sam, btw.

[5:07] **lollipopasphyxiation** : nice im gabriel

[5:07] **lollipopasphyxiation** : so wats this about our bros gettin it on?

[5:08] **mooseantlers** : i wasn’t thinking about them ‘gettin in on’, but they’re very obviously into each other. you know cas is staying with dean, right?

[5:08] **lollipopasphyxiation** : of course i kno that wat kind of older bro do u take me 4?

[5:08] **mooseantlers** : right. so. how do we get them together?

[5:09] **lollipopasphyxiation** : well every romcom ive ever watched has told me we need a really extreme plan here

[5:09] **mooseantlers** : i dont know...i was thinking just something simple, like tricking them into a date or something

[5:09] **lollipopasphyxiation** : nah thats boring ur boring

[5:10] **mooseantlers** : ...thanks

[5:10] **lollipopasphyxiation** : is ur bro the jealous type?

[5:10] **mooseantlers** : definitely.

[5:10] **lollipopasphyxiation** : is he claustrophobic

[5:11] **mooseantlers** : uh, not that i know of? why?

[5:11] **lollipopasphyxiation** : then i have a plan

[5:11] **mooseantlers** : i feel like im gonna regret this

\---

_ Friday, Dec. 9, 5:27 PM _

_**101knives** , New PM! from: **queenofmoondor**_

[5:27] **queenofmoondor** : hey hey (fake) girlfriend!

[5:29] **101knives** : i worry sometimes you are enjoying calling me that a little too much

[5:29] **queenofmoondor** : one cannot enjoy something /too/ much

[5:29] **101knives** : that is very not true

[5:30] **queenofmoondor** : maybe, but you still like it anyway ;)

[5:30] **101knives** : so you think

[5:30] **queenofmoondor** : so i know. if you really hated it, you would’ve told me to stop ages ago.

[5:31] **101knives** : maybe i’m just being nice

[5:31] **queenofmoondor** : you literally have knives in your name. i doubt that.

[5:32] **101knives** : touche.

[5:32] **101knives** : but don’t you like… have a real girlfriend to worry about?

[5:33] **queenofmoondor** : nah. i’m a semi free agent. why, are you actually seeing anyone?

[5:33] **101knives** : nope. i don’t have time to date.

[5:34] **queenofmoondor** : what about badass? you’re always around him

[5:35] **101knives** : HELL no. he’s like an annoying brother. i’ve known him since we were kids, i’m pretty sure my mom could actually adopt him. he lives with me and everything. totally not boyfriend material.

[5:35] **queenofmoondor** : ahhhh. where are his parents?

[5:36] **101knives** : his mom and dad were friends of my parents. they just… vanished one day. no one knows what happened to them. they weren’t… good parents though. very free spirits, you know? like hippies times 1000000000. mom thinks they just left to travel. ash has been with us since.

[5:36] **101knives** : SHIT i mean badass. you did not see his name.

[5:37] **queenofmoondor** : calm down. one, i doubt i could find him even if i wanted to based on that info. two, i’m not creepy. well, not much anyway. if it makes you feel better, my name is charlie

[5:39] **101knives** : oh. well. i’m jo.

[5:40] **queenofmoondor** : cool :) we can just use real names in private if that’s okay?

[5:40] **101knives** : yeah, guess that works. nice to ‘meet’ you charlie

[5:41] **queenofmoondor** : ha, nice to meet you too jo.

[5:41] **101knives** : :)

\---

“So basically, thursday is really your nerdy tutor Castiel, Dean is really pie, and they’re living together and having a lot of eye sex?” Jess summarized, head on Sam’s chest as they cuddled on her couch.

Sam’s laughter shook her, making Jess smile as well. As much as she liked the not-so-casual casual sex they were having, she also really liked cuddling with him as well. Even being as tall as she was, Sam still dwarfed her which made him an excellent cuddle partner.

“Yeah, basically. I hope you don’t mind that I pretty much ‘outed’ you.” Sam replied sheepishly.

At first, Jess had been a little upset that Sam had told his brother about her without asking, but she really couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t as if she wanted her thing with Sam to be a secret; Dean would eventually figure it out, just like Sam found out about him and Cas. The only thing bothering her at this point was how non-anonymous this entire thing was becoming. Instead of voicing this fear to Sam, she just shrugged and said, “It’s fine. I’d like to meet him, if that’s okay with you.”

Sam’s resulting grin managed to push that fear down, at least for right now.

“Speaking of that, I’m in talks with Cas’ brother,” Sam began. “The pervy one from the group?” Jess interrupted, nose wrinkling in disgust. All her interactions with Cas’ older sibling had resulted in her getting hit on or somehow embarrassing herself. Either way, she found the guy unpleasant to talk to. Sam just laughed again. “Yeah, that one. His name is Gabriel and he totally agrees that Dean and Cas need to get together before the collective UST causes them to explode or something.”

Jess looked up at him, eyebrow raised. “UST?”

Sam paused. “I may have been chatting to much with queen.”

“Right, continue. I’d love to know why you’re in cahoots with someone so… skeevy.”

“So get this, he thinks that if we manage to find both Dean and Castiel a date and then we triple date, Dean will get jealous and end up trying to monopolize Cas. And then we lure them to a closet, they fight because Dean is in a jealous rage, and bam! They start to angrily make out. It’s a pretty decent plan.”

For all of Sam’s good qualities, he had an annoying habit of going along with awful plans. Yesterday, a guy in their class almost managed to convince Sam to let him copy off of him. Jess managed to step in before Sam handed the guy his homework and probably get caught and thrown out of school, but the fact remained that Sam seemed pretty easy to manipulate. It honestly worried her a little.

“Are you sure that’s a wise idea? I can name plenty of ways off the top of my head how that might backfire.” Jess tried to say as gently as possible. Sam did sound pretty proud of the plan.

“I mean, yeah. But all plans have faults.”

“Why not let them just try to get together on their own time? They’re grown men, I’m sure they can figure it out on their own.”

Sam shot her a look and shook his head. “You don’t know my brother. He’s not going to say anything. And it’s looking like Cas is as emotionally constipated as he is, so he’s not going to say anything either.”

“But… is tricking them really the way to go? Maybe you should just talk to Dean.” Jess really was trying to understand the dynamic between the Winchester brothers, but they both seemed to be impossible to figure out. Sam liked having deep talks, yet refused to talk to his own brother when it really mattered. Dean seemed overprotective of Sam, yet didn’t allow his own brother to return the same courtesy. It was frustrating as an outsider trying to get to know them.

“If this doesn’t work, then yes, I will talk to him.” Sam at least seemed contemplative, which Jess knew was as much as she was going to get. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t know Sam well enough to demand much more from him.

“Great. Now, gimme the remote. There’s a Project Runway marathon on and I need to get caught up.”

“Oh, you are not going to believe the latest episode. That girl Carmen is a _bitch._ ”

\---

“So you’re telling me that people make a fictional radio show based on a fictional town with fictional monsters in it? And people listen in, even though it’s really weird?”

 “A podcast pretending to be a fictional radio show based on a fictional town with fictional monsters in it, but yeah, pretty much.”

Dean was having fun educating Cas on the many wonders of fandom. He was probably the only guy he knew that could be told about some of the weird shit Dean was a fan of and not only roll with it, but seem genuinely interested. It would be a little unnerving if it wasn’t so awesome.

“You said the lead character is gay? How do people know this if it’s just a radio show?” Cas asked while popping another piece of popcorn from the big bowl in between them on the couch.

“Oh, he’s totally obsessed with this dude Carlos and tells the people of Night Vale all of his business. I don’t think he knows how to be ashamed.” Dean said through his own mouthful of popcorn.

A fond smile appeared on Cas’ face. “I’d like to listen sometime, it sounds interesting.”  

Sometimes, Cas got these _looks_ on his face, like he was perfectly content to sit here to talk about stupid stuff Dean was into on his shitty couch for the rest of his life. It honestly scared Dean shitless because he knew he’d let him. He would absolutely be okay with keeping Cas right there beside him for as long as possible, even if that meant just being his friend. Yeah, he’d pine and listen to way too much Keaton Henson (yes, he was allowed to like whiny indie singers as long as no one knew about it), but it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative of losing him.

That was also the pant shitting-ly scary part: the fact that he was actually afraid to lose Cas. He had never been scared of losing another person because he just automatically assumed they were going to leave anyway. Even with Sam, he knew his brother was one day going to go off somewhere and leave him. Dean always pretended he didn’t notice the ‘Transfer Admissions’ page for Stanford bookmarked on his brother’s computer. It was just easier to be happy now so he’d have something good to look back on whenever anyone left him.

To be afraid of losing someone meant he’d miss them when they went away. Dean just couldn’t afford to miss anyone else.

So like with everything else he didn’t feel like dealing with, he ignored it.

“Hell yeah, I’ll put the podcasts on your phone for you. You can listen to it when you take those ungodly early jogs.” Dean replied enthusiastically, absolutely paying no attention to the smile on his friend’s face.

He did, however, pay attention when it went away.

“About that,” Cas fiddled with the bottom of his tee shirt, something, Dean learned, he only did when he was upset or nervous. That he was doing it now didn’t bode well for Dean. “you won’t have to listen to me getting up at five every day anymore. My landlord called, my apartment will be ready to move back in on Sunday.”

“Oh.” Dean knew this was coming, that Castiel wasn’t going to be a permanent roommate. That didn’t make the words sting any less, he found.

“I’ll still come over to visit and-”

“Dude, it’s fine. It’s your place, you have to go back to it. ‘s not like I’ll never see you again.”

Cas nodded and looked down at the floor, still playing with the bottom of his tee. This is way Dean hated goodbyes, he was no good at them.

“Right then, while you’re still here, let’s watch a movie. I’m thinking Pulp Fiction. Still can’t believe you’ve never seen that.” Dean said, clasping Cas’ shoulder as he stood.

Cas gave a tiny smile as he looked up at him. “I’ve never had the time.”

“Well, you are missing out my friend. John Travolta is still hot in this.” Cas laughed and Dean tried to pretend he could make this friendship work without getting hurt in the process.

\---

_ Friday, Dec. 9, 9:13 PM _

**_lollipopasphyxiation_** has started the private group _“wats anonymous mean anyway?”_

**_lollipopasphyxiation_** has added **_thursdayschild_** , **_mooseantlers_** , **_pieandpage_** , and **_calismurfette_** to the group.

[9:13] **thursdayschild** : Reallly Gabriel?

[9:13] **calismurfette** : oh hello. i was not told this was happening…

[9:13] **mooseantlers** : yes because SOMEONE told me they would tell me when they wanted to start the group…

[9:14] **pieandpage** : uhhh since when do you talk to cas’ brother?

[9:14] **mooseantlers** : let’s focus on the important stuff here, like why he made this group (without warning) in the first place

[9:15] **lollipopasphyxiation** : u guys are the whiniest people i know jfc

[9:15] **lollipopasphyxiation** : but hello every1 i figured we should intro ourselves since we all kinda know each other

[9:15] **pieandpage** : seriously???

[9:16] **calismurfette** : uh, i’ll start. my name is jess.

[9:16] **pieandpage** : nice to have a name for the person thats banging my lil bro

[9:16] **calismurfette** : ha… yeah….

[9:17] **pieandpage** : im dean btw

[9:17] **calismurfette** :  yeah, sam told me

[9:18] **mooseantlers** : i think we all know that i’m sam.

[9:18] **thursdayschild** : I really don’t see why this is necessary to be honest with you. But my name is Castiel

[9:19] **lollipopasphyxiation** : & im gabriel look how easy that was!

[9:19] **pieandpage** : so can we go now or???

[9:20] **lollipopasphyxiation** : hold ur horses dean-o

[9:20] **lollipopasphyxiation** : im thinking so we can get to know each other better how bout we all hang out

[9:21] **thursdayschild** : No.

[9:21] **pieandpage** : i second his no

[9:21] **mooseantlers** : come on guys! it could be fun

[9:22] **pieandpage** : fun? im rooming with cas right now, ive seen enough of your ugly mug already, im sure jess wants you to call her something other than a fuckbuddy before she meets the family, and i definitely dont wanna meet gabriel

[9:22] **lollipopasphyxiation** : u wound me

[9:23] **calismurfette** : i, for one, think it could be a good time. but if you really don’t want to, then we respect your wishes and will leave it alone. right, sam?

[9:23] **mooseantlers** : uh, right

[9:23] **pieandpage** : whipped already, nice

[9:23] **calismurfette** : ;)

[924:] **lollipopasphyxiation** : come on guys im not asking 4 ur liver im asking for us to maybe all go out

[9:24] **lollipopasphyxiation** : hey sam, arent u & jess going out tmmrw anyway

[9:24] **mooseantlers** : we are!

[9:25] **calismurfette** : and i thought we were going to do that alone

[9:25] **lollipopasphyxiation** : but it would make it more fun if we all went on like a big group date

[9:25] **lollipopasphyxiation** : takes the pressure off you and sam

[9:26] **calismurfette** : we’re going on a first date, not getting married. i’m sure we can manage just fine

[9:27] **pieandpage** : besides who are me and cas supposed to take? our right hands?

[9:27] **mooseantlers** : well there’s this girl carmen in my class. she’s nice, your ‘type’.

[9:28] **lollipopasphyxiation** : and i have this friend named inias who is really nice for my dear cassie

[9:28] **thursdayschild** : No, no more blind dates. Last one I went on resulted in my place being almost burned down.

[9:29] **mooseantlers** : wait what?

[9:29] **thursdayschild** : Don’t ask.

[9:30] **pieandpage** : do i seem like i wanna meet some random chick and get all dressed up to go on a damn group date with my brother?

[9:30] **calismurfette** : well, we obviously have a verdict!

[9:30] **lollipopasphyxiation** : but cassie, hes the owner of that bookstore you like

[9:31] **thursdayschild** : ….Garrison Bookstore, that one?

[9:31] **lollipopasphyxiation** : the very same

[9:32] **pieandpage** : your brother doesn’t want to go out with some nerdy bookstore owner

[9:32] **thursdayschild** : ...Fine, I’ll go.

[9:32] **pieandpage** : wait what.

[9:33] **mooseantlers** : looks like everyone is going but you dean. shame.

[9:33] **pieandpage** : fuck it, tell this carmen girl i look forward to going out with her

[9:33] **thursdayschild** : This should be… fun.

[9:34] **pieandpage** : yeah super fun

[9:34] **calismurfette** : feel free to back out at ANY time though boys.

[9:34] **lollipopasphyxiation** : but u shouldnt cuz were gonna have fun

[9:34] **calismurfette** : :/

[9:36] **pieandpage** : whatever. i gotta go do shit

**_pieandpage_ ** _has left the chat_

[9:36] **thursdayschild** : I should also go. I need to pack.

[9:36] **mooseantlers** : pack? for what?

[9:37] **thursdayschild** : My apartment is almost ready for me to move back into it.

[9:37] **mooseantlers** : oh. so you’re… not staying with dean anymore?

[9:37] **thursdayschild** : It was never a permanent arrangement, Sam.

[9:38] **mooseantlers** : no, i know. i was thinking you guys made good roommates.

[9:39] **thursdayschild** : Yes, it was nice staying with Dean for this week. Anyway, my clothes aren’t going to put themselves in a duffel bag.

**_thursdayschild_ ** _has left the chat_

[9:40] **lollipopasphyxiation** : u realize thats bullshit right

[9:40] **mooseantlers** : what is?

[9:40] **lollipopasphyxiation** : he doesnt have anything to pack hes been wearing deans shit for the last week bc all his clothes are in his apartment and hes too cheap to go buy new ones

[9:40] **lollipopasphyxiation** : that means they both went off to go shed manly tears of frustration

[9:42] **calismurfette** : isn’t that a BAD thing??? i still, and will continue to, think this is an awful idea. there’s a reason stuff like this never works in romcoms! and what happens if they both genuinely like the people they’re on a date with??? or dean doesn’t get jealous?? and how the hell do you plan on getting them in a closet in the first place? this plan is shitty and you two need to fix it or else i’m telling BOTH your brothers what you plan on doing.

**_calismurfette_ ** _has left that chat_

[9:43] **lollipopasphyxiation** : wild 1 u got there

[9:43] **mooseantlers** : i think she’s right. i don’t want to complicate things further from them…

[9:44] **lollipopasphyxiation** : seriously??? we just got them to agree

[9:45] **mooseantlers** : but shes right. what if they like the people they’re with? or something else horrible happens? shit i can’t do this, why did i listen to someone who can’t even be bothered to type out the word ‘you’?

[9:46] **lollipopasphyxiation** : Fine, you want me to type like my stick-in-the-mud brother? I can. I’m not an idiot, Sammy boy. But if this plan offends you so much, we can change it.

[9:46] **mooseantlers** : oh. um. ok.

[9:46] **lollipopasphyxiation** : good now listen up cuz im never typing like that again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i really have no excuse for why this is so late, it's been sitting in my drive for a good week and a half but i'm too lazy to edit anything 
> 
> (i actually really do need a beta and i know i've said that before but this time i'm actually not just playing around with the idea soooo if you wanna beta for this crappy fic [and maybe other stuff cause i have 3-4 different projects i'm playing around with right now] message me on my tumblr emfmeter.tumblr.com and we can talk yes thank you)
> 
> i actually have one chapter fully written past this and another one in the works. just gotta get that chapter edited, so it'll be up soon.
> 
> btw this chapter is probably badly proofread so... sorry? 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


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